vrdantwind | IC Inbox

I agree.
too many people fight for the wrong reasons.
for dimitri I don't know.
usually I give him weapons or training gear.
he likes practical things.
and I don't like giving useless things.
but I want to make it personal too.
for him the last time he saw me things were
he thought I hated him.
I thought I hated him too.
so I don't want him to think that now.

Well, if you want practical, you can't go wrong with things for fussing over his pokémon. They mean a lot to him, and honestly they're the only way of fighting around here, too, so that's almost the same as training gear.

For personal...I'd give him something related to a shield. You've actually called yourself his shield to me, so...an acknowledgment of that, of your being that for him and being willing to be that for him, would mean a lot. You could go with something that has a shield on it, like an article of clothing or an accessory, or something that just straight up is a shield like a necklace or pin or the like. But it should be something he could wear or carry that'd make him think of you whenever he sees the shield.

I thought about that.
I don't want him to think I'm doing it because of any tradition.
or because he's my king.
or some lofty sense of loyalty.
those are worse than meaningless reasons.
I'm doing it because
I want to.
and for no other reason.

So...tell him that when you present the gift? I mean, if you're willing to tell people like me that you're his shield, the fact that you consider yourself his shield is something that he's going to pick up on sooner or later anyway. The only way for him to not be uncertain what your reasons are for that is if he knows what your reasons are, because you told him.

So give him something shield-related, and tell him it's not about the Shield of Faerghus, or tradition, or his being king. It's just about you wanting to protect someone who means a lot to you. Tell him you'd be his shield even if he wasn't a king.

you make everything sound easier than it is.
it's
a complicated subject.
I'm not good with those.
besides he might cry.
I don't know what to do when he blubbers like that.

Of course it's complicated. That's why you need to explain it, isn't it? But the way I see it, you either need to be willing to let him misinterpret what your being his shield means, or you need to accept having to explain it. Those are really your only two options, no matter what gift you give him.

I still think a shield from you would be the best meaningful-type gift, though, so I think I'll just leave you with that one idea. If you don't like it, you'll have to supply your own from here.

Also, if he cries, you have my permission to blame it all on me and tell him to go sob in my direction. Or you could just awkwardly pat his shoulder like a big boy who doesn't flinch when something gets awkward or challenging...but I mean, I can totally handle it for you, if you can't.

I already told you I had the thought first.
why wouldn't I like it?
you're infuriating.
you make light of everything.
and it's all nothing but insults that you're trying to hide with jokes.
I don't know why I'm asking you to begin with.
I'll handle dimitri myself.

Well, I sort of assumed you didn't like the idea you came up with, since you wouldn't have needed to ask me for more ideas if you already knew what to get him.

But if you're all set, let me know how it goes!

[It takes a while for Felix to respond this time, but eventually:]

that's not what I said.
I had misgivings.
now I don't.
I'm having a cloak brooch made.
shaped like aegis.

You know, that's actually a great idea! I hadn't thought of something to hold his cloak, but he definitely would use something like that, wouldn't he?Sentimental and practical. Good thinking!

[The next message comes after even more time has passed.]

sylvain kissed me.

[That's...that's it. That's the whole message.]

Edited 2020-12-17 09:51 (UTC)

See? Did I know what I was talking about or what?

Congratulations. I hope the wait was well worth it.

goddess are you ever NOT smug?
it was
good.
we had a talk.
about the war and
oh.
I should probably tell you in case he mentions anything.
I told sylvain about the war.

Wait, you mean about his future? What happens?

yes.

So, now he's pretty much caught up to your version of current events, I guess?

Have you really not considered how much that could change things? What if, say, he decides to protect Rodrigue for your and Dimitri's sakes?

what difference does it make?
dimitri knows about it already too.
besides.
even if we didn't come to derdriu
you would figure out another way to save it.
but you're talking like everything else is the same in that situation.
even you can't predict every little thing that would change.
by the time we got to gronder maybe everything would be completely different.
weren't you the one who said you can't analyze things without information?

I mean, I hedged my bets as much as I could at Derdriu already. Sent the civilians out on boats so that they wouldn't get caught up in the battle, had our forces split so the bulk of them could cut and run if the Kingdom's army didn't show to complete our pincer attack. But I didn't have any other cards in my hand, Felix. If the Kingdom didn't show up, Derdriu was going to fall. I bet everything on that, including my life and the lives of my soldiers in the city. So it would've meant the deaths of Judith from House Daphnel, Hilda, and whoever else would be crazy enough to throw themselves between the Imperial army and me.

I know I've never shied away from risky plays and big gambles, but do you really think I'd take the long shot of trusting you guys would take Fhirdiad, before you even reached the capital, and then trusting even further that the Kingdom would come bail me out - led by a Dimitri who'd been half-feral the last time I saw him, by the way - if I had any less risky plans? Plans that were more likely to be successful? I went with the best chance I had.

You're right in that I can't predict the ripple effects, of course. If things do change, maybe I'll have other options. But I didn't have any then. And that success was such a long shot to begin with that I don't like just casually banking on the hope that oh, it's fine, we'll figure out another way!...and I think I like it even less when other people are making my bets for me.

Still, what's done is done. Maybe it's already too late to cling to that path to the future, the way things are going.

making me keep secrets from my friends is no better.
you're not the only one affected if things change, you know.
but dimitri's already nowhere near the complete disaster he was at gronder.
by the time we get back he'll have improved more.
sylvain is so early in the war that with what he knows he can change the whole course of it.
telling them seems like it can only make things better.

...you know, even as concerned as I am, I have to concede you could be right. The Dimitri I saw after his match today...I don't know if it was just a product of his being so sleepy his brain was shut off, but he's definitely completely different than at Gronder. So if those changes stick when we go back...he will be better off. And if they don't, well, we're no worse off than we were when things worked out the way they did the first time.

Maybe I'm so used to having fallback plans and hedging my bets and preparing for the worst that it's hard to believe there could be a scenario where things can only improve.

So what's your instinct, then? Just...share everything we know with each other, and let the cards fall where they may from there? Although by 'we', I guess I mean 'I', since I'm the only holdout at this point.

I don't know.
do whatever you want.
I told sylvain because
of personal reasons.
it wasn't strategic.
there were things he deserved to know.
if something is important for them to know then tell them.
if not then don't.

This may shock you, Felix, considering I've only told you about five times now, but: I only keep secrets when there's a reason for it. So if it's something I haven't told you guys, you can probably gather it's important.

Tell you what, though - you've won me over this far. If you can get Dimitri into a genuinely good mental place - as in, well-rested, relatively happy, seems like he can handle surprising news okay - I think I can afford to tell you guys what's happened since the victory at Derdriu. It's not what I'd call bad news - just significant with a capital S. So it's important Dimitri can handle it. But as you said, things are getting better. So maybe there's no harm and some good that can come out of us all being on the same page.

I'm not making any promises about anything else. I was holding off on these secrets because of how it might affect our going back home, and Dimitri's mental state, and how it might affect the war. You've presented a decent argument that I don't have to worry about that stuff. My personal secrets, though...I've got different reservations about those.

[Felix rolls his eyes at the Gear.]

that's not what I meant.
I meant personally.
but that is a good plan.
though it may shock you claude
considering I've only told you about five times now
but I don't care about your personal secrets.

You can't complain about not knowing me well enough and say you don't care about my personal secrets within the same 12 hours, I think the Hypocrite Squad will come collect you.

Mostly, though, I was explaining why I'm willing to tell you guys this much without actually telling you everything I've been holding back. Because I thought you'd grumble about it. If you don't care, then I guess I worried for nothing.

ha.
with how much you overthink everything I'm surprised you don't worry for nothing all the time.
speaking of getting to know you
you said you wanted to spend time with me.
when?
doing what?

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