vrdantwind | IC Inbox

I'm not biased.
ok maybe.
ah that's why you're such a strong opponent.
you know not to bring your emotions onto the battlefield.
commendable.
I guess you have a reputation.
but listening to rumors is pointless.
they should decide based on your actions.
you're making all that seem easier than it is.
what if
you can predict what he'll say, right?
tell me what it is.
then I can respond.
as if you're him.

Okay, of all the situations I've ever expected to be in through the course of my life, roleplaying with Felix Fraldarius never factored in. But hey, who am I to question fate?

[Granted, this kind of roleplaying with Felix Fraldarius feels like a curled finger of the monkey's paw, but. Details.]

That said, two things. One, I don't know what kind of mood he's going to be in when he talks to you, so that's going to make his responses a lot harder for me to predict. Two, even if I did know, there's no real guarantee that what I come up with is going to be accurate, okay? So...treat it like combat. There might be a rough battle plan, but you may need to use dynamic tactics if the situation changes in a way you didn't expect, okay?

Here's a question, though: why let him have the initiative? If this was a fight, I bet you'd make the first strike. So c'mon, hit me. Or him, as it were. Tell me the first thing you want to say to him, and I'll see if I can predict his responses.

roleplaying I don't know what that is.
he's either going to use his stupid fake smile and pretend to be fine
or he'll be angry.
but treating a conversation like a battle
I didn't know you could do that.
you're right I would strike first.
ok.

[Felix closes his eyes and pictures Sylvain. Through text, it's easier to imagine that he's writing to him instead of to...Claude.]

I can't believe you went off on your own in the middle of the night like that sylvain
I thought you said you would stop being so reckless
what were you thinking?

Edited 2020-12-14 12:02 (UTC)

[Hmm...how would Sylvain respond, Claude muses? Casually shrugging it off, or bitter?

Por que no los dos?]

I wasn't being reckless! I just had something I really had to go do. Besides, I figured this way I could give you and Claude your space.

[The frustration wells up inside him exactly as it would if this really were Sylvain.]

something you had to do
in the middle of the night??
no one needs that much space you nitwit
also I don't need space with claude
just get back here.

I mean, I'm going to Goldenrod, and it's a long trip, so no time like the present to start, right?

And I mean, I guess you don't. You sure didn't give him much space the other night.

It's fine, I'll be back in a few weeks.

[Felix feels his face heat up, despite just reading words on a screen.]

you left ALONE.
why??
you made dimitri come after you with his ridiculous sled.
what I do with claude is none of your business.
knowing you you probably did a lot more with claude than I did anyway.
why is that a reason to run off for WEEKS?

Edited 2020-12-14 12:59 (UTC)

Maybe I just want some time to myself sometimes, okay? I figured you'd be happy to have me out of your hair for awhile.

And wait, how is what I do with Claude any of YOUR business? I mean, what you do with Claude, you did it right in front of me, so I kind of assumed you didn't care if I knew about it. Why are you acting like it's private now?

I told you, I have stuff to do. Whatever you want to do with Claude isn't related to this.

[Hmm. Claude feels like he's pretty well in-character right now, but...maybe he should put a stop to this for a moment. For one thing, he can tell Felix is getting mad, but more to the point...]

Okay, Felix, I'm breaking character for a minute here. Is this actually the way you want the conversation with Sylvain to go? Because I do think we're putting on a very convincing show of how it'll go if you just run in angry and without thinking, lashing out with accusations at him, but...the whole idea of planning what you'll say to him is so you can NOT have this kind of conversation with him. So you could have a productive one instead?

How about instead of asking him why he left - when you know why, and when he can give you a bunch of excuses why - you don't let him? Say something like "I'm really upset you left without talking to me, I want you back here with us". He wouldn't have any excuses to make about that, because you're telling him how you feel. Again - treat this like a battle. Think of ways to remove his ability to fight back. That means don't give him the opportunity to use the weapons he's most comfortable with - like making excuses and pretending things are fine when they're not. You can corner him with things he can't brush off, if you're smart about this.

[Felix grits his teeth as he reads the first part of the message, but then he blinks at the screen. He...convinced himself so thoroughly that he was talking to Sylvain that the reminder that he isn't is jarring. Which...why is Claude so good at mimicking Sylvain? It's kind of disturbing.]

no obviously it's not how I want it to go.
it's just
he puts himself in danger constantly for no good reason.
like he doesn't care if anything happens to him.
I hate it.
why would he think I want him to leave me alone?
he's such an idiot.
also I can't say those things.
I'm not like you.
and you and I have very different approaches to battle.
I'm not a tactician claude.
I'm a master swordsman.

[It's not until after he sends the message that he realizes he called Claude by his first name. Huh.]

And what's that got to do with anything? You act as though a master swordsman doesn't need incredible control, precision, and technique.

I'm not saying you have to use my exact words. But look at it this way - this whole mess is because you and Sylvain don't know how each other feels, right? And you both got upset imagining how the other feels, and not getting what you want from each other. Fair enough.

But that means the solution is always, ultimately, going to boil down to "tell each other how you feel and what you want so you guys can be on the same page". You can do it in whatever way makes you want to let the earth swallow you the least, but you still need to do it. Sylvain can't give you what you want if he doesn't know what that is, and vice versa.

And don't say "we've known each other forever, he should know". By that token you should know what he wants, too. I say this with all the love in my heart, Felix - you're both idiots. Use your short words.

don't put words in my mouth.
wait I meant about combat techniques.
not
ugh.
look.
feelings are frustrating.
they're incomprehensible.
talking about them is like
handing your weapon to your enemy
and telling them to stab you.
except you don't even know which weapon you're wielding.
I don't know what I'm saying forget it.
he shouldn't have run off.
why does he think I don't care what happens to him?
how am I supposed to explain what happened with his inane plant
when I have no idea?

That's why I'm saying tell him how you feel, and what you want. Even if you don't know or understand anything else, you know that, right?

And no, maybe you don't know or can easily explain all the fine details. But you know that he means a lot to you, that you want him to come back, that you never wanted him to leave, that you didn't really want to hurt him even if you were upset with him, that you're angry he ran off and doesn't take better care of himself when he's so important to you, and that you wanted him to kiss you. Those are all things you definitely know, right? It's just a matter of helping him know them, too.

And this is Sylvain. He might hurt you on accident, but I think he'd probably cut his own hand off before he did anything to hurt you on purpose. So all you need to do is let him know what hurts you so that he can avoid it. And yeah, that does mean being vulnerable. But if there's anyone I think you could trust to not ever try to use that against you, it'd be Sylvain, right?

At this point you're trusting me not to hurt you more than you are Sylvain, since you're being open with me and not him. Granted, I figured you out on my own...although not everyone's going to be able to lockpick their way into your confidence. But I don't think you could seriously tell me Sylvain can't be trusted with a set of keys. A guy who thinks Sylvain is smarter than me doesn't think he's such an asshole that he'd hit you in your weak points on purpose if you pointed them out to him.

So what is it you're afraid of, if not that?

we spent all that time alone in the woods.
and he didn't do anything.
and then as soon as we got here he
even I know what that means.
he's been like this for years.
but never to me.
not that I want the awful fake sylvain.
ugh I don't know.
it's easier to tell you these things.
because I don't care what you think of me.
when I talk to him I can't say them.
it would be humiliating.

Maybe he doesn't know how to do things with people he actually cares about? It's not like you've ever seen him do that, after all, so that'd make perfect sense.

Also, you didn't do anything with him either, and I don't think that'd work as proof of your disinterest.

Quick question: is your pride or being with Sylvain more important to you?

[Claude doesn't even comment on Felix's not caring what Claude thinks of him. He knew that already.]

when we were younger he used to flirt with Ingrid all the time.
though if he ever kissed her she'd break his arm.
so I guess you have a point.
and I didn't but I'm not sylvain.
I don't
he's the one who
whatever.
last night I was right there and he looked like he'd rather throw up than
ugh.
that's a stupid question.
but I get what you're doing.
but you don't understand.
he's been my best friend since we were little.
if I ruin it with
these other feelings
I don't ever want the fake sylvain to talk to me.

PLEASE tell me it's occurred to you that he might be scared of the exact same thing you are, Felix? Of ruining things with his best friend?

He had the chance to kiss you, but at the risk of you thinking it was just a joke that meant nothing when it'd probably mean the world to him. Or making you angry and disgusted with him. Or any number of other nightmare scenarios I'm sure were running through his head while he tried to figure out what his best move was. Realizing he'd trapped himself in a really bad situation where things could go wrong no matter what he did - and then they did, for the record - doesn't mean that kissing you was the thing making him sick.

He wasn't risking anything he minded losing when he kissed anyone else. But you and Dimitri tripped him up because you two are a lot more important to him than some silly joke or a casual kiss.

Edited (where did half that word go) 2020-12-15 03:52 (UTC)

[Felix's next response takes a little longer to arrive.]

no not really.
which
when you say it like that
ugh. don't make fun of me.
I told you I'm not good at this.
I always thought all this romance nonsense was a distraction.
guess I was right actually.
but sylvain is
different.
I don't know.

I mean, it can be the distraction or it can be the point, depending on what it is you want. If you want Sylvain enough that you're okay with being distracted from other things you've always considered more important, well...that's pretty sweet.

And for what it's worth, hey! He's obviously not good at it either. His escapades with people he doesn't really care about...they don't mean anything when it comes to you. He's just as much of a beginner in seriously caring about someone as you are. That's both pretty flattering to you, and something you can be relieved about. You won't be behind; you can both stumble through learning together.

[With exceptional and uncharacteristic mercy, Claude doesn't tease Felix at all.]

I'm not sweet. shut up.
I guess that makes sense.

[A pause between messages, and then he sends:]

why does dimitri keep giving me things?

Because he cares about you, and I'm sure in his current state he doesn't think anything that's part of him has any real value. His words, his companionship, whatever. So he thinks "oh, if I can't be a good thing for Felix, I can give Felix good things". It makes perfect sense if you hate yourself.

That said, though, obviously even people who aren't a total mess like giving presents to the people they care about, so it probably genuinely makes him happy, too. I'd let him keep doing it. But maybe let him know you like being with him, too. That it's not just the material stuff that's important or worthwhile. Not that it'd be easy for you to do, I know, but I'd bet a not insignificant amount of money it'd do him good to hear something like that from one of his best friends. I'd do it, but he doesn't care what I think any more than you do.

hey. don't talk about dimitri like that.
he's not a mess.
never mind I shouldn't have asked.

Oh? Weren't you calling him a mess even back when he was at least pretending convincingly to have things together?

Although if you're saying I specifically don't have the right to talk about him like that...I suppose that's fair. I just - well, to put it frankly, I never thought I'd be told that I needed to be more respectful of someone and watch the way I speak about people by you. And I'd have predicted it being over Dimitri specifically even less.

What weird and wonderful times we're in, huh?

shut up.
that was different.
he was lying to himself then.
and I was
angrier.
and more confused.
it's not just you I'd challenge anyone who disrespected him.

[Felix glares at the message before he sends it. Claude's right about one thing; if his younger self saw this, he'd be furious. But...things are different now. He adds another line to the message before sending it:]

I'm his shield.

And you say you aren't sweet.

Although...that reminds me of something a lot more serious. Dimitri was asking me about Rodrigue the other day...about how you told him what happened to him.

First of all...I wanted to offer my condolences. I know you and Rodrigue had a lot of tension between you, to put it mildly, but from everything I've ever heard of him, he was a great man. And I'm sure his death had an impact on you, no matter what your feelings were about him, so...I just wanted to say I was sorry to hear it. And that I hope you're doing as well as could be expected after something like that.

I never got much of an opportunity to speak with you at Derdriu, actually, so this is the first chance I've had to talk to you about it at all.

Edited (redundancy department of redundancy edit) 2020-12-15 05:19 (UTC)

[This message comes quicker than any of the others have.]

I'm not talking about this.
thanks for the advice.
I'm going to sleep.

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