vrdantwind | IC Inbox

"Hey, this is Claude! Pretty sure I'm doing this correctly. You can leave me a message here, and I'll get to it as soon as I can. Talk to you soon~."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

vrdantwind

The trick to seeing the future is just to tell people what's going to happen and then make it happen yourself. [He winks.] And then suddenly, you're a miracle worker. So tell yourself and everyone else how incredible Faerghus is going to be under the three of you, and see how many people you can con into believing you're prophets with your success.

[He shakes his head, smiling slightly.] Sorry. I mostly meant not to assume that you guys are going to get that comfortable being that intimate, not that things won't get better between you...but even then, I agree, it's not an if but a when.

[At Felix's positively sassy ~~and quite attractive~~ pose, Claude bursts out laughing.] I mean, it's teasing in the sense we're having fun and it's not like it's some intimate term of endearment, but...I do like that nickname for you. It's a little ironic, but not so much as to be insulting. And just fun enough that no one's going to read anything inappropriate into it when I call you that. [He grins.] So it's serious enough. I put genuine thought into it, and I'm genuinely calling you that! It wasn't just a joke for joke's sake.

Anyway, puerile or not, he still means the world to you, so I still don't think I'm doing too badly.

From:

bestswordmaster

I have to admit, that's...not as inane as I was expecting. Although I don't see the point in pretending in the first place.

[Felix's initial instinct is to feel offended that Claude is laughing at him, but...it doesn't really feel like Claude is laughing at him, and...there's something weirdly nice about Claude's laugh. Almost contagious, if Felix were prone to laughing; sort of relaxing, at the very least. (And, okay, cute.)

But he's really not sure what to do with the rest of that.] When you call me that? I take that to mean I should expect to endure it again. You're incorrigible. [And it seems ridiculous, but Felix is--yes, blushing faintly again. The only person other than Glenn ever to call him by a nickname has been Sylvain, and even that's just...a shortening of his name. I'm beginning to think you never do anything for its own sake.

[Then he rolls his eyes.] I realize this is a tall order for you, but don't overthink it.

From:

vrdantwind

The pretending can serve its own purpose. Some of it's psychological - if you tell people, including yourself, that something is going to happen, you'd be surprised at how it subtly shifts things in favor of it happening. If you make people believe, on some level, that there's going to be a flood, then people will buy boats. It's not a great metaphor, but you get what I mean - influencing people's thinking on a subtle level can have effects that add up cumulatively. And if you can predict those potential effects, you can even turn them more actively in your favor, which also adds to your chances.

It's also good for you on a personal level. The confidence you get from believing a plan is going to work, from not even entertaining the possibility of failure, can help you execute the steps to make it happen better. And when you're confident, the people around you are more confident, too. It all adds up. Every little domino falling, every odd you can stack in your favor, every last ounce of advantage you can squeak out - it's all precious. And when you succeed, maybe you'll never even know by just how narrow a margin it was...but that's why you can't pass up on anything that'll push you that much further. It might be the one fraction of difference between success and failure.

[He grins at Felix.] Hey, just because I thought it over before giving you a nickname doesn't mean it's not entirely for its own sake that I did. It doesn't serve any real purpose. I didn't need something else to call you. I just wanted to. [He winks.] And you know, me being able to do something just because I want to and it makes me happy, no other reason...that's pretty rare. Take it for the honor it is, sunshine.

From:

bestswordmaster

[It's pretty surprising to Felix that Claude's babbling is interesting enough that he doesn't end up tuning him out.]

Some of that sounds like nonsense. But taking every advantage you can get and doing anything you can to win, that much I agree with. Skill is important, but what you said earlier about removing your enemy's options--that's good advice. As long as it doesn't harm any innocent people in the process.

[He makes a face at hearing the nickname again, but doesn't protest.] Why does that make you happy? You're so strange.

From:

vrdantwind

All of my advice is good advice. [Claude grins.] It's just that some of it isn't all that relevant to you, because you don't have to worry so much about being a leader. I have, though.

As for why it makes me happy...it's just fun. And it's a little fragment of something shared and personal between people - a shared memory, an injoke, something like that. We've been basically strangers up until now, but now we've got at least one thing that's between us and no one else.

From:

bestswordmaster

Hmph. I'll gladly leave the leading to you.

[One thing that's between us and no one else... It shouldn't feel as...personal, almost intimate, as it does. But Felix has noticed this about Claude: somehow, talking to him always feels like you're the only person in the room even if you're not. Or maybe the only person in the world. Felix is used to putting himself firmly in the background and staying there, but Claude has a way of drawing people out that's...strangely not unpleasant.

On the other hand, Sylvain does too, and 99% of the time it's all empty gestures and means absolutely nothing. Claude...seems genuine, but how would Felix ever know for sure?]

Is that... [How does he ask this without sounding pathetic? Why is he even asking in the first place?] You must have a lot of those. With everyone you know.

From:

vrdantwind

Nah. Only with the people I really like. [Claude smiles at him.] Granted, with those people I don't usually have to come up with something to share with them, because we already share things. Memories, usually, like my friends back in the Alliance. [He folds his hands together.] But with you, we've gotten friendly really quickly, so we've got nothing to share yet. So I just made something up.

I have to admit, I never thought I'd like spending time with you like this from what little I saw of you back at Garreg Mach. Or, at least, not as much as I have been. I don't know if that's because you've changed since then, or because I never looked deeply enough. I mean, it's not like you seemed to want anyone to bother you back then anyway, so I just didn't. [He rubs the back of his neck.] But even if you're prickly, you're a lot easier to get along with than I ever expected. It would've been nice to get to know you without all the mess, but I'm glad something got us talking.

From:

bestswordmaster

[Felix can't help thinking that they did share one thing before this... He's starting to feel a little tired, but he doesn't particularly want to leave. He sits down on the floor instead, drawing his knees up a bit and resting his arms loosely atop them.]

Is all of that supposed to be a compliment? [He lifts a brow, but there's no venom here.] But I think I know what you mean. I always thought you were irresponsible and never took anything seriously. You're not like that now, though. You're easy to talk to, but not in a fake way. At least, as far as I can tell. And you're good at everything, which is baffling.

[Felix shrugs.] I didn't want anyone to bother me back then. I don't want anyone to bother me now, either. But you don't bother me.

From:

vrdantwind

[Claude chuckles.] If you want to sit, at least sit on the bed. I won't bite. Or do anything inappropriate. [He winks.] I mean, mind you, with how tonight's gone, I should be the one worrying about you ravishing me without warning...

From:

bestswordmaster

[He blinks up at Claude, cheeks burning.] Shut up.

[But he does get up to sit on the bed, tucking his legs underneath him and facing Claude. ...maybe, he thinks, this was a bad idea. This close, it's easier to see how pretty Claude's eyes are and how his wild curls frame his face. And he still smells good. But Felix stays where he is.]

If you're going to call me by some stupid nickname, then I should call you one, too.

From:

vrdantwind

[Claude won't deny Felix is affecting him in his own way. He's an attractive man, all the more so with his hair down - that's just sinful, really - and with that sleeveless shirt it's easy to see the swells of muscle on those deceptively slim arms. And, of course, Felix's shoving him up against the wall and kissing Claude earlier...well, that kind of scenario has featured in any number of Claude's fantasies, albeit with different people doing the kissing. It's hard to forget how good it was, at least in the moments before Sylvain's hurt and Claude's own realization of what was going on soured it.

The recollection of that helps Claude settle himself. Thinking about being so casually used without a first thought, much less a second, is a good way to keep any libido in check.

Besides, Felix wants Sylvain, and Sylvain wants Felix, and Claude can't really afford anything with anyone. No matter how attractive or unexpectedly pleasant company they might be.]

I mean, I've got no objections. [He smiles.] And, conveniently, I think your own self-consciousness as saying anything too silly will limit you from giving me any kind of nickname that's intentionally ridiculous...

From:

bestswordmaster

Maybe. But you have absolutely no shame, so no matter what I call you, you'll figure out a way to make it seem like a compliment somehow.

[Felix falls silent for a minute or so. It starts out as just an attempt to think of something, but Claude's ...everything is distracting, and what he said earlier, about...'ravishing'...it was a joke, or at least he made it sound like a joke. But it makes Felix feel...like Claude thinks he's someone he isn't. Or at least like he's made an impression that makes him feel like someone he isn't. Either way, he doesn't like it.]

...I should apologize. Again, I guess, but. What I did to you was thoughtless. If I were you I'd probably hate me. But you helped me instead. ...anyway, sorry.

From:

vrdantwind

[Claude raises an eyebrow, more at the surprisingly timely apology than the actual words being said.] It's fine. I mean, it was pretty enjoyable up until I realized the circumstances, which kind of rained on the parade...but why bring it up now? It's not related to my potential nickname, I hope.

From:

bestswordmaster

What? No. It was what you said. Your...idiotic joke. About being afraid I'd... [His face colors again.] Do something. It sounded like maybe you weren't joking as much as you made it seem. The way Sylvain does.

I'm not... I don't like doing something that makes me feel like someone who isn't me.

From:

vrdantwind

[Claude laughs quietly.] No, that wasn't some kind of passive-aggressive thing...or even just some kind of half-joke. I know you're not going to pounce on me again. I mean, let's face it, the last time ended badly for you, right? And you're really interested in Sylvain, with your relationship with him up in the air. Why would you jump me?

And yes, I'm very aware that was totally uncharacteristic of you. Part of the reason I figured out what was going on and why you were doing it so fast is exactly because I knew you hadn't kissed me just because you actually wanted to kiss me. And the alternate explanation was really obvious, under the circumstances.

From:

bestswordmaster

I wouldn't. Don't flatter yourself.

[Which...is nonsensical, and immediately after he says it, Felix realizes it and scowls. He must be getting tired. Or...distracted. Or something.]

It's...ugh. That's not what I mean. I'm not petty. Jealousy is a waste of time. All this...overly emotional foolishness. That's not who I am.

From:

vrdantwind

Maybe you've got more than one facet to you? [Claude smiles, resting his chin on his hand.] Even a sword has more than one side, you know. So maybe the Felix who's obsessed with swords and training and challenging himself, and the Felix who wants Sylvain to kiss him and actually does care about things like romance with the right people...they could be the same person, actually.

From:

bestswordmaster

I'm not obsessed. And it's not about--that. Sylvain--the one from where I came from. He's different from this one, a little. We've been marching nonstop together for months, and sometimes things seemed like they were...more. I was already thinking about it before I got here.

What Sylvain did here shouldn't have driven me to do something so impulsive and unreasonable. It's the kind of behavior I would expect from Sylvain, or...I don't know, Caspar. Not me.

From:

vrdantwind

[Claude watches him, looking thoughtful.] So why did you do it, then, if that's so unlike you?

From:

bestswordmaster

I don't know. ...everything here is unfamiliar. Even people I've known all my life. Ever since Sylvain and I got to Violet, everything has felt wrong. Not just what I did. It's like I'm trying to hold onto handfuls of sand.

From:

vrdantwind

What's changed since when you were traveling together? [Claude tilts his head.] Is it because it's not just you and him anymore?

From:

bestswordmaster

Yes. [His brow furrows.] Whenever he's with other people, he doesn't act like himself. He puts on that idiotic fake smile and pretends. I hate it. It means he's unhappy and makes him act like a worse person than he is.

From:

vrdantwind

The fact that it sounds like he's happy and himself around you the most honestly makes it a little more obvious just how important you are to him, you know. [Claude's voice is mild. He's not calling you an idiot for not figuring out Sylvain earlier when you apparently had all the clues right there in your hand already, but also he kind of obliquely is.]

I guess the question is, why is he so unhappy when it's not just you? Why does he feel the need to be fake around everyone? I'm honestly surprised he's not more himself around Dimitri, at least...and Ingrid when you guys are back home, of course. I know the four of you have known each other forever. So what's he got to hide from any of you?

From:

bestswordmaster

Maybe.

[Felix shakes his head.] Not with Dimitri, usually. With Ingrid, only when she's really in a lecturing mood. And not with Mercedes, she doesn't stand for it. But why he does it is a story I'm not telling you. Ask him if you really want to know.