Stop putting words in my mouth. That's not what I said. It's not because you're smiling, it's because you're...gloating. Silently. It's the way you look at people. Like you know everything and you're lording it over everyone.
[He shrugs.] And I like you much better when you're not doing that.
[Claude's expression turns more serious.] I mean, I might do that about some secrets and some information, sure. Knowledge is power, and with power comes confidence. But...that doesn't apply to secrets about myself, Felix. Hiding who you really are, never being able to be truly honest or confide in even the people closest to you, always never having the freedom to just do or say what it is you want or think or feel because everything has to be a carefully considered calculation...none of that is fun, Felix. And the game isn't worth the candle just for some sense of superiority. And what's there to be smug about, anyway? Making yourself miserable just to make other people look a little less informed?
It's hard work with no personal payoff to me, that I'm doing because I have to. I'm not going to sit here and listen to how you hate me for all the fun you imagine I'm having. That's a little too much to ask of me, okay? I'm not saying you have to like me keeping secrets from you, I don't know why you would, but...you don't get to chalk up what you don't like about it to something that's just not true.
You're doing it again. I never said I hated you. If I hated you, I wouldn't bother speaking to you.
You act like I would be able to tell the difference between hiding things about yourself and hiding anything else. You're constantly playing games with people, you can't complain when they can't figure out when you're being sincere and when you're not.
[Claude arches an eyebrow.] If you admit you can't even tell that much about me, then why were you declaring what I must be thinking and feeling when I talk about my secrets with such authority? My problem isn't with you not understanding me - like you said, when I'm not honest with people, that's just an occupational hazard. My problem is with you coming to the wrong conclusions about me and making accusations about things that aren't true. You don't have to understand me to not make assumptions.
I think my similarities with Sylvain have confused you into thinking you can read me as well as someone you've known your whole life.
[That gets a slight smile from Claude.] Oh, is this not doing it for you, then?
[He has another point, Felix. The two of them have been getting to know each other already, talking like this. In fact, they're probably become more friendly now after an hour's talk than they ever became in their entire year or so at Garreg Mach.]
No. [It's blunt, but then his brow furrows, realizing that doesn't explain much.] I mean, yes, but I still don't know anything about you. Like...things you enjoy or foods you hate or...whatever. I don't know.
Well, you could just ask me questions in a list, but honestly that's kind of boring, isn't it? [Claude grins.] Maybe you'll just have to settle for getting to know me gradually as we spend time together, the way friends do.
Why do you want to get to know me better? [Claude smiles and shrugs.] I like you. And I like spending time with you. So I want more of those things. It's really not that complicated - no mystery there at all.
So - sound like a plan, then? [Claude tilts his head, smiling.] Only maybe we'd better start tomorrow. I could use some more sleep, and frankly I got pretty drunk before I crashed tonight so I'm really going to hate myself in the morning as it is.
[Claude winks.] When you've got a man like Count Gloucester hovering behind you like a vulture, waiting to pounce on the first sign of weakness or incompetence to try to discredit and usurp you as leader of the Alliance...let's just say you get very good at looking put together all the time. I do feel like I managed to sleep a lot of it off before you woke me up, though, to be fair...and Grant was with me while I was drinking. He made sure I had food in me and drank lots of water, which he said would help.
[Felix huffs.] That's ridiculous. You shouldn't have to deal with that from him. Or anyone. Especially after you've been keeping the Alliance safe and intact for five years. He should be grateful.
Grant, huh? He seems reliable. But we both need more sleep. So I'll see you tomorrow. [He doesn't get up yet, though.]
[Claude bursts out laughing.] Hah! Count Gloucester, grateful? To me? I've been half expecting him to send assassins for years. He wanted my grandfather to die without an heir, and to take over the leadership of the Alliance when he did. He'll resent me until the day I die for popping up with such suspicious convenience, and I don't think any amount of accomplishments on my part will ever change that. He's trusted me even less than anyone else...although, to be fair, I think he'd have tried to call anyone in my place into question, if they were the obstacle to his ambitions. My being genuinely mysterious actually gave him a halfway decent excuse to doubt me at every opportunity.
[Claude's eyes twinkle at Felix.] That said...I'm flattered you appreciate me and my accomplishments, at the very least.
Oh, the Alliance is a great place if you're not running it. [Claude chuckles.] But we've got our fair share of stupid, petty, self-serving nobles, just like anywhere else. The main difference is that, unlike in Faerghus where the king gets to make the decisions and the nobles can only weigh in to varying degrees, and you may not have to see the worst of them more than a few times a year...in the Alliance, you have to deal with them all the time, and whenever you need to make a decision of any significance you have to somehow convince at least the majority of them to sign off on it. And if it's a big enough decision, you need unanimous agreement. It's like trying to thread a haystack through a needle.
[He winks at Felix.] Well, in any case, you'll probably appreciate me a lot more on a decent night's sleep. Weren't you going to bed?
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Date: 2020-12-17 10:03 am (UTC)[He shrugs.]
And I like you much better when you're not doing that.
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Date: 2020-12-17 10:14 am (UTC)It's hard work with no personal payoff to me, that I'm doing because I have to. I'm not going to sit here and listen to how you hate me for all the fun you imagine I'm having. That's a little too much to ask of me, okay? I'm not saying you have to like me keeping secrets from you, I don't know why you would, but...you don't get to chalk up what you don't like about it to something that's just not true.
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Date: 2020-12-17 10:47 am (UTC)You act like I would be able to tell the difference between hiding things about yourself and hiding anything else. You're constantly playing games with people, you can't complain when they can't figure out when you're being sincere and when you're not.
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Date: 2020-12-17 10:57 am (UTC)I think my similarities with Sylvain have confused you into thinking you can read me as well as someone you've known your whole life.
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Date: 2020-12-17 11:02 am (UTC)...huh. You might be right.
[His gaze returns to Claude's face.]
Give me a way to get to know you that has nothing to do with your secrets, then.
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Date: 2020-12-17 11:10 am (UTC)[He has another point, Felix. The two of them have been getting to know each other already, talking like this. In fact, they're probably become more friendly now after an hour's talk than they ever became in their entire year or so at Garreg Mach.]
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Date: 2020-12-17 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 11:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 11:27 am (UTC)[He blinks at Claude.] You want to spend time with me? Why?
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Date: 2020-12-17 11:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 11:30 am (UTC)[He considers that.]
I like you, too. So I guess that makes sense.
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Date: 2020-12-17 11:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 11:35 am (UTC)[Stupidly attractive.]
--fine.
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Date: 2020-12-17 11:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 12:05 pm (UTC)Grant, huh? He seems reliable. But we both need more sleep. So I'll see you tomorrow. [He doesn't get up yet, though.]
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Date: 2020-12-17 12:19 pm (UTC)[Claude's eyes twinkle at Felix.] That said...I'm flattered you appreciate me and my accomplishments, at the very least.
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Date: 2020-12-17 12:25 pm (UTC)The Alliance sounds awful. Derdriu is nice, though. I've been there a few times. It's not far from Fraldarius, across the water.
I appreciate your accomplishments. Whether or not I appreciate you remains to be seen. [He smirks.]
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Date: 2020-12-17 12:36 pm (UTC)[He winks at Felix.] Well, in any case, you'll probably appreciate me a lot more on a decent night's sleep. Weren't you going to bed?
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Date: 2020-12-17 12:40 pm (UTC)[Oh, look, he's blushing some more. Yes, this is probably a good time to leave, before he embarrasses himself further.]
Yes. Good night.
[He does get up this time. He stands and stretches, catlike, with a yawn before heading back out into the hall and back to his room.]