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[vrdantwind]

"Hey, this is Claude! Pretty sure I'm doing this correctly. You can leave me a message here, and I'll get to it as soon as I can. Talk to you soon~."

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a few days after the 4th wall debacle

[lovelybottom]

After the mess that was the meeting in the park, Geralt had been thinking things over. Brooding, probably, if you asked Jaskier, but this is a situation that perhaps merits the rumination. And, after some time to let tempers cool, he is able to brood objectively about what had been said. His conversation with Claude had started off reasonably well, considering that it had been on the topic of horses and wyvern, something that they had mutual interest in, but had gone to shit by the end. Not quite as badly as things had gone to shit between Claude and Jaskier, though, to be fair, there was far less to lose.

The crux of it is thus-- Claude hadn't been wrong in chafing under Geralt's unfair expectations of him. And though they had parted with Claude no longer angry at him, he has learned that not being angry isn't the same as having a matter resolved. Leaving things as they are is like leaving a task half-finished.

The course forward, then, is simple enough. He will need to speak to Claude and give him an apology, as he had to give Jaskier an apology after his poor behavior on the Mountain. Though Geralt is no better with words than he had been in the past, Claude is much the same as Jaskier in that he needs words-- this isn't the kind of apology that can be given as he would with his brothers, where they'd scrap over it and a black eye or bloody nose later, everything would be fine again.

He goes to the house that Claude shares with the other members of his... harem traveling party, arriving in the morning, but late enough that most people should be up and about at their days. He shouldn't be drawing anyone out of their beds at this hour-- and he also would prefer it if Felix and the rest were already out for their training. They undoubtedly would know about what had transpired, but Geralt preferred to catch Claude by himself.

It bodes well, then, that Claude answers the door.

"Claude," he says, which is about as close to a greeting as you get with Geralt. "If you've time, I'd like to speak with you."

[vrdantwind]

Despite the fact that Claude hadn't had any solid expectations for anything in particular when he'd opened the door, finding Geralt there somehow defies expectation anyway. He stares at the man for a moment, certainly as visibly taken aback as Geralt has ever seen him - except, perhaps, during the Jaskier outburst.

At least this surprise isn't unpleasant, however. Just - surprising.

It takes a moment for Claude to set his shock aside, but he recovers well. After a moment, he smiles. "Well, that has to be a first." It's more light-hearted (if somewhat sardonic, in that it's based on their mutual awareness that Geralt would usually prefer not to speak with Claude) humor than it is any kind of dig; Claude himself certainly seems amused, if he's anything.

With subtle body language that Geralt has no trouble picking up on, Claude indicates him back from the door so that Claude can himself step outside, shutting the door behind him. Then he looks up at Geralt, clearly curious. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

Claude had, for a momentary split second, wondered if Geralt had come to talk to him about something related to what happened between Claude and Jaskier - but he'd discarded that theory almost as quickly as he'd come up with it. No one involved - including Geralt - would ever choose Geralt to act as a middleman in that mess. But that just means Claude doesn't know what this is about.

[lovelybottom]

Geralt steps back and Claude follows him, standing outside of the front door. They are doing this here, then, he assumes, and that's fine. It's as good a place as any. Claude doesn't appear to be upset at the fact that the witcher has shown up on his doorstep, though nor does he appear pleased, either-- and Geralt can no longer determine his mood through scent. His natural acting abilities would be able to conceal his emotions well enough. He dislikes this nose-blindness, having to navigate the intricacies of human interaction without, essentially, a way to cheat. A biological summation of, at least, the basics of what's going on in someone's head.

"This is not how I would normally do this," Geralt starts, and it's probably not the most auspicious beginning, but it's honest. "I'm not good with words. But you are..."

Like Jaskier, he almost says, but bites it back. It wouldn't be prudent to bring him up right now. The issue between Jaskier and Claude is their own, and he wouldn't have gotten in the middle of it even if Jaskier had asked him to. He's a bad choice for that, for one thing, and this isn't a situation that could be solved by a middleman. If Jaskier had more to say to Claude, he'd have to do it himself.

"The kind that needs them. So. Here I am, doing this with words."

God help all of them, really.

"I've thought about what you said to me at the park, and you were right." Geralt likes to think that he's gotten better at admitting when he's wrong. He's had practice at it, much to his chagrin. "I've held you to a standard that I wouldn't have held Felix or Dimitri to. It's unfair. I had no right to demand trust from you and then penalize you when I didn't get it how I wanted. I am not owed what I haven't offered."

He had been similarly unfair in the past-- he owned up to it, eventually, and he owns up to this now. It's progress of a sort, that he acknowledges his mistakes more readily. And no one even had to get yelled at on a mountain this time.

"I'm sorry. For how I treated you." Geralt shifts his weight, a small sign of discomfort. He doesn't usually speak this much about anything that doesn't involve monsters, a contract, or possibly horses. "You didn't deserve it."

[vrdantwind]

Claude continues to look surprised throughout Geralt's apology, simply blinking at him until it's finished. But then his expression softens, and he smiles - and it's the most genuine smile Geralt's ever seen him wear. Rarely does anyone outside the group Claude travels with see his expression so unguarded.

"...thank you, Geralt. I honestly hadn't expected an apology, so - it means a lot that you went out of your way to give me one. Especially one delivered in a way you're openly not comfortable with, just because you wanted to give it to me in a way I'd appreciate best...and when you've got no obligation to keep interacting with me at all, now that I'm not really on Jaskier's periphery anymore. Even if you're just doing this because it's what you feel is right, as opposed to for my personal benefit...I admire what that says about you."

He extends a hand for a shake. "Apology accepted, with gratitude."

[lovelybottom]

Claude is handsome, when he smiles. There is something softer in his face than any time he's spoken to Geralt before, as though his stilted apology has value, and that's... good? He doesn't really know what to do with this, people don't look at him softly very often. This isn't how apologies usually go, there's usually more yelling and possibly black eyes involved.

The apology is accepted, at least, so he's done one thing right today. Claude holds out his hand for a shake and Geralt takes it, giving it a brisk one-two sort of pump and then letting go. He still would've preferred the way that he normally sorted out problems with brothers-- just having a scrap and then letting things resolve themselves from there-- but this at least involves fewer bloody noses.

The part about not being on Jaskier's periphery hits a little strangely, though, with all that's happened.

"I wasn't aware of what he felt, or that it would come to light as it did." The outburst, the abrupt ending of their particular relationship. He had been under the impression that Claude and Jaskier got along just fine, not that there was something brewing under the surface.

[vrdantwind]

Excuse you, Geralt, he's always handsome.

The handshake is exactly what Claude would have expected from Geralt, so he's perfectly content with what it is. It's mostly just meant to be a sort of physical affirmation that things are settled and this is behind them now. For Claude, it had already been largely smoothed over; having said what he needed to say to Geralt, and without Geralt repeating the offense, that had been the end of it for him. Geralt had apparently needed to chew on it, though, acknowledge his shortcomings(a very admirable trait, to Claude), and get a more proper closure by actually addressing what happened. And Claude's got no objections to that; even if he'd let the matter go, there had been some ragged edges to the wound, and this allows them to heal smoothly where otherwise there might have been at least some form of scar. Geralt wasn't the only one who got something out of closing this more neatly.

At the mention of Jaskier - at the opening of the subject, as opposed to merely the offhand mention of it - Claude folds his arms over his chest, and the smile on his lips becomes a bit more distant in undefinable ways. "That makes two of us. I apologized to him for...whatever effect I had on his relationship with you. And it feels like I definitely had some significant effect, if he went so far as to hide it from our entire group just to - I don't know, prove some kind of point to me. And if his first reaction to realizing the cat was out of the bag was not to bask in the congratulations and his happiness, but to get angry about what I said, or might say. I honestly have no idea what I said or did to annoy him so much that his romantic nature took a backseat to that kind of thing...it certainly wasn't intentional. It wasn't even something I sensed."

He sighs. "But...I feel like I owe an apology to you for that, too. For...whatever I did that had him acting so unlike himself. For any souring of the happiness you two find in each other, even the smallest amount." His lips thin a bit. "Jaskier insisted it was egotistical of me to think I had any effect at all, but given how things turned out, and how something that we should have all been celebrating turned into - what it did, I'd say I did more than enough harm to apologize for. So...I really am sorry, Geralt. I still don't know what happened, but I know that you don't deserve any of the fallout from this."

He unfolds a hand from over his chest to run it through his hair. "All I ever wanted was for both of you to be happy, and I don't know where or how that went as wrong as this. I know you both are happy still, and have a lot to be happy about, and it would be egotistical to think I've somehow ruined that because I'm frankly not that major a factor, but...I wanted to facilitate your happiness, not complicate it. It's reasonable to apologize for the effect being so far off from the intent, isn't it?"

[lovelybottom]

"Whatever effect you had, I was unaware of it," he says, "so I don't need an apology."

Should he have been aware of it? Probably. He can't guarantee that he'd have been able to solve the problem, since Geralt is not exactly the best man for solving interpersonal issues, but considering the disaster that happened at the park? There really isn't any way that his involvement could've made it worse. And there's another little issue that he will, at some point, have to bring up with Jaskier about that whole debacle-- that Jaskier used Geralt, or at least his relationship with Geralt, as a way to cut at Claude. He doesn't appreciate being used as a weapon.

"You already know my opinion on your meddling, but I can believe that you weren't malicious about it." Annoying, sure, and annoyingly persistent, yes. But it had been because Claude is a busybody and likes gossip and being in other people's business, not out of any particular cruelty. "You ruined nothing, but you didn't help anything either--"

Well. Now that he thinks about it, did Claude's behavior change anything? It certainly didn't have an impact on when their collective bullshit was revealed, because that was a result of the Prom disaster, Felix's interference, and Jaskier's ill-advised intercession. But what nags at the back of his mind is the fact that the key thing that swayed the bard, the thing that revealed Geralt better than his words could-- was the drawing journal.

The thing that Claude had seen, that he had confronted Geralt over. That he had been so meddlesome about.

Geralt's face looks approximately like he'd bitten into a lemon.

"...I showed him the journal."

[vrdantwind]

"I have to say, people don't usually mind my meddling that much when it's explicitly to the benefit of something they want to happen," Claude says with a ghost of a smile. "But also, I do know how to stop when I'm obviously going too far. But I never saw any signs that I was, and Jaskier never said anything...though honestly, by his own admission, we hadn't talked about you, or the relationship between you two, for ages by the time this happened. And it only happened a few times that I recall, so I don't know how it ever even had the chance to get as bad as it did..."

After a pause, he sighs. "I have a question, Geralt, if you'd be willing to answer it. I know Jaskier's got a long history of short-lived casual relationships...and that you've known him for a long time. How often does - did - he get in relationships like that where he wasn't actually compatible with the person he was with? Where things fell apart once the novelty wore off, because he latched onto someone he never really liked as a person?"

It is, of course, extremely obvious why Claude is asking this question. Geralt may be surprised to hear that Claude is doubting Jaskier ever liked him, though.

The mention of the journal doesn't get any exultation from Claude. He glances questioningly at Geralt, but there's no laughing amusement, no idle predictions - not even a smile. "What did he think?"

[lovelybottom]

A question. Geralt supposes that if one wanted to know something about Jaskier, he would be the person to ask, whether he likes it or not.

"I haven't been around for all of his affairs, but I have known Jaskier to be a little in love with everyone he meets."

To someone like Geralt-- not even entirely convinced that he knows what love would feel like in the first place-- it's an unfathomable idea, being able to fall into it as easily as Jaskier does. If the bard were a little less free with his heart, maybe he'd get into less trouble with fathers and husbands. But something in Jaskier is built that way, he supposes, and there's no changing it.

"So if there's been an instance where he's started one with someone he isn't already fond of, I don't know about it. But you're right in saying that they were all short-lived. I doubt any of them even lasted a season. The only one I've heard him profess any real devotion to was a countess from somewhere, and she dumped him. Twice."

And Geralt got an earful about it both times. The whole story for the first dumping, though Geralt didn't exactly pay much attention to all of the details. The second time around, they were both too busy with the djinn mess to dwell much on why Jaskier's countess left him again. I fear I shall die a heartbroken man, he had said at the time.

He was wrong about that, anyway, or at least about the part where the countess was the cause of the heartbreak. Geralt broke his heart all over again a decade later, after all. And perhaps has a second shot at said heart, in part because of Claude and the godsdamned journal.

"He called me an idiot and a whoreson and threw it at me."

Which certainly is a way to begin a romantic affair.

[vrdantwind]

"Well, he was never even a little in love with me," Claude says, with something like wry amusement. "That was something we were always clear on, and that he never wanted to give me any false impressions about - we were friends who fucked, and nothing more. If he's usually at least a little in love with the people he sleeps with...maybe that was a warning sign of its own, huh?"

He shakes his head. "All I know is that I'm the same guy now as I was when I first met him, but I went from someone he wanted to spend time with to someone he can't have in his life anymore. And based on what he said, it's because he thought I'd be different when I trusted him. So all I can think is that he liked some person he imagined I could be if he won me over enough, not the person I've been the whole time." He shrugs, looking away. "I guess I couldn't have done anything but disappoint him."

After a moment, however, he seems to forcibly shake the melancholy off, turning back to Geralt with a softer smile. "I'm glad he's with you now. After so long, he knows exactly what he's getting with you, and he couldn't be more obvious about that being exactly what he wants. And if he were going to change his mind about that, he had years of time to do it in. Don't let my troubles with him make you think you have a single thing to worry about, Geralt - you're on a whole other level. And I'm genuinely happy for the both of you."

Now, finally, his smile does turn amused at the mention of what Jaskier did with the sketchbook. "Not quite the overcome reaction I would have expected. What inspired that?"

[lovelybottom]

Jaskier's small love for everyone he sleeps with is probably better described as an infatuation, but perhaps, at this point, it's irrelevant. If that's true, and that Jaskier thought that Claude would somehow be different once he knew him better and trusted him more, than no amount of infatuation would have saved the relationship. Even Geralt can understand that if the person you want doesn't exist yet, you're starting off wrong.

"Hm."

Exactly what he wants. It's true, Jaskier does always know exactly what he wants-- for a little while, anyway. Then, usually, what he wants changes, fickle as the wind. Who's to say that it won't change again? That he won't find someone who suits him better, who has more to offer him than honestly far too many horses? Though perhaps it doesn't matter; perhaps Geralt should take what he can get for as long as it's given to him.

And Claude still wants to know more about the damned journal. Geralt should've seen this coming, of course he would want to know more about the piece of this that he had a hand in, as any busybody would.

"He asked me why I didn't say anything sooner," he replies, the bitten-lemon expression intensifying. "I told him. He said a few other things that had no bearing. Then he threw the journal at me, and missed."

So, really, he should probably be glad that Jaskier has such a poor throwing arm and can miss a man sitting in a bed from across the room. Being a bard doesn't really require him to have much skill in it, at least, otherwise he'd make for a very poor bard. More importantly, though, this is the kind of bare-bones storytelling that frustrates Jaskier every time the witcher comes back from a hunt, and now Claude knows first-hand why he complained so much about it. Absolutely lacking in detail. Specific about nothing. One might almost think it deliberate, except that Geralt's just Like That.

[vrdantwind]

"He threw it?" Claude looks somewhere between amused and exasperated. Of all the stupid reactions he could have thought of, that one has to be pretty high on the list. It'd take more than a thrown notebook to hurt Geralt, of course, even if it had actually hit, but why throw something at the man you love at all? And why a notebook with sketches of such exquisite beauty, sketches that Jaskier must surely treasure now that he knows about them?

It seems to become more obvious in retrospect to Claude that he understood far less of Jaskier than he thought...and not because Claude was ignorant or inattentive, but because Jaskier's actions - especially when driven by high emotion - simply don't make any kind of coherent sense. Of course, emotional reactions aren't always logical, but Jaskier's often seem to be directly contradictory - if not actively toxic - to what he supposedly wants or values.

And how can anyone understand someone who self-sabotages to that extent? Someone for whom thoughts and desires and actions don't necessarily have any connection to each other?

Aloud, he says, "I wouldn't think he'd be inclined to risk damaging the contents like that. Or you, for that matter...actually, didn't he say it was right after prom? Weren't you injured at the time?"

Honestly, worse and worse. Even if Jaskier's miss was intentional rather than incompetent, the levels on which it was stupid to throw the book at all seem to be multiplying.

[lovelybottom]

It would, really, take far more than a thrown journal to hurt Geralt, or really to hurt the journal, either. As for why he might throw things, well... Geralt can be a frustrating person sometimes. He has, occasionally, seen fit to grab a pillow and pummel the witcher for a little while to vent said frustrations. And while Jaskier's emotional outbursts are annoying, they never seem to veer into anything that's actually harmful.

And if Claude is looking for some kind of enlightenment about Jaskier's moods from Geralt, he's... come to the wrong place.

"No," he replies, because, well. It wasn't right after prom, technically all of that shit was still going down. "It was right after Felix cracked me over the head with his pommel. The evening's entertainment--" sarcasm, that "--wasn't over yet."

Does that count as being injured? It was just a concussion, after all, and that's basically nothing. He's surely fought with concussions before. He's probably fought when he's had all sorts of near-fatal maladies, that's just what witchers do. Worrying about something like that is like... fussing over scraped knees or something. Probably.

"I've been injured worse. A little concussion never killed anybody," he says with the confidence of a man who, up until very recently, had superhuman healing abilities. "And I doubt he could've thrown hard enough to damage the journal, either."

[vrdantwind]

"I'm almost positive that's not true," Claude says dryly, "although I guess for witchers it might be different. Even then, though...well, I'm just surprised his mini tantrum managed to overpower his worry, even briefly. And if it didn't, and throwing the book was just an empty gesture because he never even tried to hit you, then why bother throwing it...?"

He shakes his head. "Honestly, the more distance I have from Jaskier, the more I realize I never actually understood anything about him. Not even because I wasn't trying, but because I'm not sure he understands himself, so probably no one else stands a chance either."

Considering Claude's evolving feelings about Jaskier - none of them good - this is the mildest of grumbling. But he's sensitive to who he's speaking to: someone who loves Jaskier, for all his foibles. Claude wouldn't offend Geralt by harshly criticizing his lover to his face; more than that, Claude has never lied about wanting them to be happy together, and he won't do anything to harm or cast doubt on their relationship. So the complaints Claude is offering are, he thinks, not just restrained, but probably quite relatable to Geralt - the sort of eye-rolling even a lover might do. Felix has certainly talked about Claude like this...possibly even more critically.

Any deeper bitterness Claude has...that's for other times, and other ears.

"Anyway, you don't have to throw any kind of book hard to damage it. All it has to do is fall in a way that crumples or crushes the pages." Claude waves a hand. "I'd hate to think of that happening to your sketches. And I think Jaskier and I should have at least that in common, so I wonder what he was thinking." More specifically, Claude wonders if he was thinking.