Glenn tilts his head to study Claude a bit in return. "Riegan, huh? You're awfully young to be leading the Alliance. Something happened, I take it?" It's not that uncommon, of course, for heirs to end up inheriting titles far earlier than they expected. Plagues, bandits, border skirmishes, assassins, pure accidents - Fodlan's a dangerous place. And this guy is wearing the Leicester coat of arms, so there's no reason to doubt him.
Fortunately for Claude, Glenn shares with his brother a disinterest in asking too many questions when he doesn't feel like he needs the answers. So he doesn't bother prying into exactly what 'recently' might mean.
He turns his eyes back out to the horizon. "And I think I have a decent handle on most things, yes. The important things, anyway. I know that Felix and the others are much older than they are where I'm from. Or when, I suppose. I know that Felix and Sylvain are still 'close.'" He smirks briefly, but his expression is neutral when he goes on. "I know that something happens between Dimitri and my brother to drive them apart, though I honestly can't imagine anything bad enough to do that. You might not realize it, but as children they're inseparable, the two of them. Trying to go home when we visit Fhirdiad is always a ridiculous ordeal. Felix throws a fit, every time."
"And I know that I don't live to see this part of their lives. That's really what you're asking, isn't it? Do I know I'll die young? Leave Ingrid a widow before I even marry her? Save my prince's life in exchange for my own? Yes. I've heard. It was Dimitri who told me, in fact."
Of course, if that's not what Claude was asking and what he wanted to know was something like 'do you know what Pokemon are,' he's going to feel a little silly. Ah well.
Claude sighs. "I don't know if I was asking whether you'd learned of any one specific thing, so much as getting an idea of what you have and haven't been told since coming here...but the last part's definitely a big one. It helps me explain why you've never heard of me, for one. I wasn't even named as my grandfather's heir until...well after your time."
He gestures to the sand near Glenn. "Mind if I sit?" He waits for Glenn's agreement before settling himself on the sand beside him, resting his arms on bent knees.
"I'm sorry, by the way. Finding out something like that...it's got to be tough. I can't even imagine. And then all this crazy stuff to take in, and catching up on things that have happened since your death, the way the people you knew have grown and changed since...it has to be a lot. I never had the chance to meet you back home, under normal circumstances, but from everything I've heard, you were a good man who deserved a lot better than what he got. And you deserve a lot better than this, too - having so much suddenly dumped on your lap, and having to figure out how to cope with it all at once."
"I don't mind." Glenn barks a brief laugh as Claude sits. "'Well after my time?' Flames, you're making me sound like just some name in a history book with all that."
He listens, though, without interruption. By the time Claude finishes, Glenn's looking at him with an arched brow.
"Deserved better than what, exactly? I died protecting my prince, and he survived. What else could I have wanted out of my own death? If I hadn't given everything I had to ensure his safety, I would be disgusted with myself."
He shrugs. It is a lot, and having to piece it all together from the perspectives of a bunch of people who know Felix and his friends but were unwilling to tell him everything has truly tested his patience. But wallowing over bad news never helped anyone, and the news absolutely could have been much worse.
"It is what it is. Although people have been awfully cagey about catching me up on things. Our old man didn't mention a single word of it. Tch, did he really think I couldn't handle it?" Glenn shakes his head. "And everyone's been glad to tell me all the wonderful things they like about my brother, but no one has told me what's changed. All I know is that he was inexplicably never knighted, he had an unthinkable falling out with Dimitri, and he's never mentioned me to anyone who didn't already know who I was."
He turns to pin Claude with a level gaze--blue and steady, like Rodrigue's, rather than Felix's piercing amber. "I know Felix. Everything that happened in Duscur would have devastated him beyond coping. He's the most sensitive soul I've ever known, and he deals poorly with separation and loss. Very poorly."
"So tell me, Claude von Riegan. You seem to know more than most. Are you going to walk on eggshells with me, too, or are you going to do me the courtesy of a real answer?"
"Real answers," Claude says, with barely a moment's hesitation. Just listening to Glenn, even in this short span of time, has told him enough of Glenn's personality to gauge his approach going forward. This is a man who doesn't flinch from the truth, and has no patience for hedging or lies. Claude can see why Felix would find himself insecure, faced with a brotherly legacy like this - to hold such resolve that he can honestly say he doesn't regret his own death, if it meant protecting Dimitri, even after the fact? This is a man with the strength of folded steel. Felix has that as well, of course, but Glenn also has a composure and cool-headedness that Felix is still aspiring to. Not to mention Glenn's clarity of purpose...although, of course, Glenn never had any horrors in his own life to shake that purpose to its core. Glenn might have fractured in his own ways, had Felix been the one to die a traumatic death and Glenn had to listen to people praise it.
Claude knows he can never compare Felix to Glenn. He's perhaps one of the few people who not only never has, but until now literally couldn't. But he wonders if Felix would mind if he compared Glenn to *him*.
Speculation for another time, however. For now, Claude promised Glenn answers.
"I didn't meet Felix until we attended Garreg Mach together, and even then, we were in different houses. We didn't become close until arriving in this place, actually. So I can't say I have much in the way of first-hand knowledge. Most of what I know is what I've heard from Felix himself, or of other people who know him better, but I'll tell you what I can." He looks out over the water. "Felix loved you and looked up to you a lot. But to him, you were his brother first, and a knight second. So while I don't think he could ever fault you for saving Dimitri - not when Dimitri means so much to him, too - losing you in the Tragedy was crushing.
"Your father took comfort in the fact that you died doing your duty, and what you were able to protect in doing it. But what Felix heard - from Rodrigue first, and then I'm sure from a bunch of other people - was people treating your death as some noble, knightly aspiration. That was so far from the horror and grief he felt over it, so completely not any kind of consolation to him, that it completely reversed his opinion of knighthood itself. He hates the whole idea, now - that any death should be a duty, or that any way of dying should be lauded like an accomplishment. Maybe part of it is disgust that people chalk your sacrifice up to knightly ideals, as though being a knight is what made you who you are rather than your personality shaping your knighthood and your actions as one. It's not your sacrifice, or the concept of self-sacrifice, that he hates; I think he'd lay down his life for Dimitri just as readily as you did. He hates the culture of it. That people are encouraged and lauded to lay down their lives, not because they couldn't help it or their hearts dictated it, but because some system of thinking has taught them that it's their duty to. I think losing you woke him up to just how horrific even just one sacrifice like that can be, and I get the sense that a lot of the time he feels like the only person questioning the ghoulishness of a culture of self-sacrifice.
"It drove a massive wedge between Rodrigue and Felix, too. Their responses to your death were so different that they clashed completely. Worse, it was compounded by some well-meaning but poor decisions on Rodrigue's part. He wanted to help the severely traumatized Dimitri, and Felix was furious with him, so he went to Fhirdiad to look after Dimitri...and left Felix in Fraldarius territory, alone, to grieve. So Felix ended up feeling abandoned, separated from the best friend he was as worried about as anyone while also feeling like he was less important to Rodrigue than Dimitri was, still seething with Rodrigue over treating any part of your death as good and then the abandonment, and suddenly crushed under the expectations of being the next in line for being duke...and feeling like everyone was viewing him through your shadow. He got incredibly angry and defensive - way more likely to snap at someone than cry. He's been mellowing out over the years, but a lot of times he's still so sharp you can cut yourself on him. Or he'll cut you for his own part, sometimes even when he doesn't mean to. He's getting better at reining it in, though."
He glances sidelong at Glenn. "As for how he fell out with Dimitri for awhile...when they were fifteen, Dimitri and Felix were sent into Sreng for their first real battle. But Dimitri's trauma from the Tragedy...it ran deep. Deeper than anyone probably knew until they put him on a battlefield again for the first time since then. He lost control of himself...pretty completely. I haven't talked to him much about his time in Sreng, so I can't say it for sure, but I know he's hallucinated since then, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was barely aware of what was real or not. I think Sreng was the first time Felix got to see Dimitri again after the Tragedy, and...well, what Felix saw was an unhinged man, ruthlessly cutting people down in a fury. He was horrified and disgusted, and when Dimitri was off the battlefield again and regained control of himself...well, Felix didn't trust it. He thought the blood-soaked beast from Sreng was the real Dimitri, and that Dimitri was just putting on some kind of veneer. It was a lot more complex than that, but Felix doesn't necessarily think things through...especially when he's angry. Dimitri's violent side is all trauma, his mind dragging him back to the horrors of that day he watched his friends and family be slaughtered around him, and the rage he felt at their killers. The real Dimitri is the person he is when he's not terrified and enraged. And he's gotten that much more under control - in my time, he's pretty much conquered it. The Dimitri here is from...a little earlier than that, but even he's made incredible progress. And Felix, after years of brooding and refusing to believe that Dimitri isn't secretly a monster, has come around to seeing that, and made up with him."
He cocks an eyebrow at Glenn. "I trust that's all the honesty you could possibly want. It's also a lot of talking from me, which usually Felix doesn't have the patience for, but if everyone else has kept you waiting on answers, I figure I should get straight to them."
Fortunately for both of them, Glenn has a lot more patience than Felix does. He listens quietly with no interruptions. Certain details make his brow furrow, particularly hearing about Felix's problems with Rodrigue and Dimitri's unchecked violence and hallucinations.
Once Claude's finally finished, Glenn nods. "And I appreciate it. I asked for all that talking from you, I'd be a hypocrite to complain about it." He sighs heavily. "It's hard to imagine Felix the way you're describing him. Angry and defensive, sure--he's always been that way. A little kettle just boiling over with every emotion you could name. But sharp? Goddess. If you could have seen the Felix I know. He's like an adorable, fluffy kitten."
Then he shakes his head and groans. "I can't believe the old man left him alone. He absolutely should have known better. Leaving my brother alone is just about the fastest way to get him crying. Things really must have been dire for our father to resort to that. But you know?" Glenn looks up at the sky. "For all that this tale is disheartening to hear, I'm proud of Felix for thinking for himself. Forming his own beliefs and sticking to them, no matter what. That's how I've always hoped he'd grow up. What I tried to teach him. So I'm glad he took the lesson to heart, even if it had to be tested in blood and fire."
He frowns. "As for the little prince, I can't say I blame Felix for a reaction like that. Thinking of Dimitri that way is impossible. The Dimitri I know is the sweetest child Fodlan's ever seen. Don't get me wrong, he's a true Faerghan warrior down to his core; no one would ever fault him for lacking in bravery or honor. But we're talking about a child who's afraid to pet the hunting hounds for fear he'll accidentally hurt them. Bends over backwards to cheer Felix up when he's upset."
His face relaxes into a smile, then. "It's good to hear they reconciled. Felix must have been heartbroken, all that time. You should see the way he practically worships the ground Dimitri walks on. I'd have put even odds on him falling for either him or Sylvain when he was old enough. And from what Sylvain accidentally told me when I ran into him back at their house, he ended up the lucky fellow."
Glenn turns back to look at Claude. "But Sylvain's always been good at pretending everything's fine even if it isn't. It's why it took us so long to figure out--well, that's his business to tell, not mine. The point is, I could tell he wasn't exactly the same boy I remember. Do you happen to know anything about that? Or about Ingrid...mm. Wish she were here so I could see for myself."
Then his eyes narrow slightly, in a way very reminiscent of the way Felix's do when he's wary or suspicious. "And how exactly do you know so much about my brother, anyway?"
"Adorable, fluffy kittens also have the needliest claws," Claude points out with a chuckle. "It's impossible to know, but maybe he was always going to grow into the ones he has now, one way or another. But a beloved older brother he admires as much as you...of course you'd have always seen the softest, happiest side of him. And I think a lot of those hard edges were only developed after your death...maybe as a direct result of it, even. So we really are talking about two totally different Felixes."
He smiles a little, gazing out at the ocean. "That said...I actually have met the Felix you've seen. This weird weekend has done some playing around with people's ages...or maybe it's brought separate, younger versions of them in. I haven't seen a younger and older version of a person in the same room together, so I'm not sure which it is. All I know is that I got to talk to a younger Felix, one who hadn't lost his big brother yet...and he was absolutely adorable. Anyone - especially a big brother - would be crazy about him. He even decided he liked and trusted me, just from hearing that he and I become friends when he's older."
At the questioning about Sylvain, he glances at Glenn. "It sounds like you might already know some things about his home situation," he says, a touch carefully. "Which isn't really my business to tell any more than yours. But what I will say, because it's public knowledge in my time and I don't know when it happened in your lifetime, that Sylvain's brother Miklan eventually got kicked out on top of being disinherited - I think he'd finally begun causing too much trouble. And in the year we were all at Garreg Mach together, he broke into the Gautier estate and stole the Lance of Ruin. The Blue Lions - which is to say, Dimitri and Felix and Sylvain and Ingrid, and some other students besides - were dispatched by the church to deal with the theft, and Miklan's gang of bandits. And in the process, Miklan was killed. I don't know who struck him down, and there's limits to even my curiosity; I never asked. But Sylvain...wasn't unaffected by that, I know that much. That's probably part of what's changed.
"The other part is just...the war. Toward the end of the year we had at the Officer's Academy, the Adrestian Empire launched an attack on the church, and declared war on it. And, by proxy, both the Kingdom and the Alliance. It's still raging back home, as of when we all came here - and it's been going on for almost six years. Sylvain - and Felix, and pretty much everyone else - have been doing a lot of fighting, being soldiers. The war hit the Kingdom especially hard - Cornelia turned out to have been an Imperial asset, almost certainly planted on purpose. Almost as soon as the war started, she tried to have Dimitri executed, out of sight, under trumped-up charges of having murdered his uncle - which of course there was no proof for. Dimitri escaped, but he spent most of the war in hiding, and...well, mentally, in the roughest place imaginable. He was so betrayed and enraged and traumatized, he was barely sane. Not that Cornelia stopped there - she tried to drag the whole Kingdom and all its nobles over to the Imperial cause, and the whole country's been a hornet's nest of war since. Gautier and Fraldarius have been leading the resistance against her, so...you can imagine Felix and Sylvain have been in the thick of it all that time. And Felix loves fighting, but Sylvain..." He shakes his head. He doesn't really need to elaborate there.
"According to Sylvain, he's seen the end of the war, and a Kingdom victory. Which is good to know, but...well, a lot of the changes you see in him definitely come down to the wringer he's been wrung through over the years."
He looks back out at the ocean. "As for how I know all this...I could say that Felix and I are friends, and leave it at that. But I've been honest with you so far, and I haven't regretted it yet, so...I'll stick with that for now. The fact is that...a lot of us developed feelings for each other. Or maybe always had them. Simultaneously. And we all decided we were fine with exploring those feelings simultaneously." He glances at Glenn again. "So I'm dating your brother. And Sylvain. And Dimitri. And they're all dating each other, too...well, except Sylvain and Felix, who've gone all the way to being married already. You already seem to be aware that Felix was infatuated with more than one person growing up, so maybe hearing he's with more than one person isn't too much of a shock to you. I'm the only big surprise as a relative newcomer, compared to the little knot of Faerghans who've been in love with each other since childhood." He grins. "But I'm told I'm charming."
"You've got a point." He shakes his head. "Dammit, Felix...I keep telling him he's got to learn to be more independent. Accept that nothing lasts forever. He knows how dangerous the world is, and he knows that I've pledged to protect the royal family at any cost. Still, from what I've seen here, he's managed to make quite a few friends who think highly of him, so he can't be too far gone."
His brows lift, and then he smirks. "Won him over, did you? That's impressive, you must really have made an impression. Usually he's wary of strangers, although once he decides he likes you, good luck ever getting rid of him."
He sobers again as he listens to Claude talk about Sylvain. He makes a quiet, disgusted noise at the recounting of the events at Conand Tower. "Miklan, that bastard. He's always been a disaster waiting to happen. I'd love to have run him through myself if I'd had the chance. But Sylvain...poor kid."
He looks more and more disbelieving the more Claude says about the war. "The Empire declared war on the church?" He waves a hand. "You know what, I don't need to know the details of why. But Cornelia? Tried to have the crown prince executed? Goddess, Dimitri...it's just one thing after another. I should have been there for him. I met him at about 17, yesterday, that's how I learned about Duscur. And even then he already didn't seem like he was altogether there. How could so much have gone so wrong?"
It seems like more of a rhetorical question than a real one, though, as he thinks over the rest. "At least we were able to mount a resistance. But no, Sylvain has never been nearly so fond of battle as the rest of us, despite his clear talent for it."
When Claude starts talking about more personal things, Glenn eyes him with that same wariness as before, particularly at the comment about how Claude would stick to being honest 'for now.' The rest of it has him staring as he just...processes that for a minute, before he turns fully to look at Claude.
"I see. No, it's not a shock that Felix could end up with more than one person, although I didn't think people did that sort of thing. But Felix is my baby brother and the other two are practically the same, so I think you know what I'm going to say, Claude. Give me a reason to trust you with their feelings. I need to know that all three of them are in good hands. And do make sure that you continue to stick with being honest."
He doesn't seem angry, nor threatening, per se. But he is quite serious.
"I don't know what reason I could give in the course of an evening that'd be so compelling that it'd induce you to trust a relative stranger with the hearts of three men you've known since childhood and love as brothers," Claude says with a slight shrug. "Especially not while being honest. There's things I haven't even said yet that would make you trust me even less than you already do.
"As for things to say in my own defense...well, I don't know if it counts, but I do know that if Felix were here to hear you doubting his own good judgment, thinking he needs you to vet his choice of partners for him, he'd probably challenge you on the spot. Not that he needs much excuse to challenge people to duels, so maybe that's not saying much." He looks up at the sky. "I could say that I helped, to some degree, your brother and your father come to more of an understanding than they've had in awhile today. I could say I helped Dimitri, to some degree, out of the pit his trauma had him in. I could say I helped Sylvain and Felix pick out their wedding rings for each other, and that I helped them get together in the first place. I could say a lot of things about how much I care about all of them, and how much I've done to try to help them be healthy and happy. And I guess, technically, now I have said all of that."
He sighs. "But what I actually want to say is that this is the second time just this weekend that a family member of one of my boyfriends has demanded I prove myself worthy of a man I'm dating to their satisfaction, and that's really only been the start of the things I've had to field this weekend. I guess anyone being pleased that I'm dating someone they care about is too much to ask."
He shrugs. "Not that I don't understand or sympathize with your concern for Felix. Of course you want to look out for your little brother, especially when - to put it mildly - you can't exactly be around full-time to do it. And I can't begin to blame you for that brotherly concern. But...it's coming at my expense. I guess I wish someone cared about that, even a fraction as much as my boyfriends' families care about protecting them from me. Instead, my humiliation is an acceptable price to pay for the peace of mind of my boyfriends' families...because being assumed to be bad for them, and having to prove I'm deserving of them, is humiliating."
He fixes Glenn with a long, level look. "I may as well tell you now that I'm Almyran. Does that make my burden of proof even higher?"
Glenn watches Claude mostly impassively throughout all of this, though he's clearly listening, not zoning out or just waiting for Claude to finish. It's not until the question is posed that his expression really changes - his brows lift, his gaze becomes a little more knowing.
"No, not at all. Though I know why you ask. Most of Faerghus would say yes."
He shakes his head. "You were the one who told me you'd decided to be honest 'for now.' That didn't fill me with confidence, though I didn't assume you'd be bad for them any more than I assumed you'd be good for them."
He shifts position in the sand to turn and face Claude more directly. "But you've made several good points. Among them that I ought to trust Felix's judgment, and that I ought to be pleased that he's found someone else he wants to be with. Like I said, the Felix I know is slow to warm up to people, and it sure doesn't sound like that much has changed. So if you've gotten close enough to him since coming here that he wanted to court you, you must be doing something right."
He offers Claude a hand for shaking. "So I hope you'll accept my apology for grilling you. And my thanks, for making my brother and the others happy and looking after them. Since, as you pointed out, I can't."
"Honesty is a luxury not everyone can afford," Claude says dryly. "For instance, your brother and the others didn't learn I was Almyran until we ended up here, because you can imagine what the people of Fodlan - it's hardly just Faerghus - would have thought of a half-Almyran Duke Riegan. But my grandfather was desperate for someone to step in for him, and he didn't have a wealth of options...and control of the Alliance probably would have gone to Count Gloucester otherwise. And given that he became an Imperial sympathizer in the war, who wanted to hand the Alliance over to the Empire in exchange for power and favors, which would've definitely meant crushing the Kingdom...well, let's just say that my grandfather had good instincts. And that people who say 'honesty is the best policy' have never actually been at a serious disadvantage before."
He gazes out at the ocean. "Honesty is easy. You don't have to think about it, or try to keep a story straight. When honesty genuinely is the best policy, that's what I stick to. But plenty of people give me reasons not to trust them with the truth. They say the truth hurts, but usually the people who say that mean that they're going to hurt someone else with what they say. In my experience, the truth hurts the person saying it a lot more often than it hurts anyone listening. The truth can be a weapon in the wrong hands, and I don't go out of my way to arm people I don't trust."
He glances at Glenn. "When I said I'd stick to honesty for now, I meant you hadn't yet given me any reason to regret telling you what I know. The fact that my acknowledging I have the option to lie to you making you distrust me more, though...that's kind of hilarious, isn't it? If I was going to try to lie to you, you'd think I wouldn't bring that up.
"And let's face it, I can't believe you needed me to bring up the idea of me being able to lie to consider whether or not you can trust what I'm saying. You have to have been asking yourself that all along, right? And you didn't think I was lying before. What I've been saying matches up with what you already know, and it hangs together logically. I don't have any particular reason to lie to a dead man. I'm sure you thought all that out and settled yourself that you can trust me awhile ago. But I say that my honesty isn't necessarily unconditional or indefinite, and that makes you doubt me? I genuinely have to ask - why?"
Still, he shakes the offered hand of Glenn's. "But apology accepted. Honestly - " Claude's going to get sick of that word soon. " - I just don't know how these talks are supposed to go when people have them with me. I build a relationship with a guy for months, slowly show him sides of myself I don't just trust anyone with, and then a family member of theirs walks up to me and essentially goes 'I don't know you, but summarize for me what he sees in you and make me trust you the way he's come to over the course of actually getting to know you. Oh, yeah, and can you compress it into about fifteen minutes, max?' It's not just humiliating - it's impossible. It feels like a task people set for me to fail. How do I give them enough to judge me on? And why do they think that over the course of one acutely stilted conversation, I'll be able to give them enough evidence to make a better call than the guy I'm dating did? What's the game plan if someone does decide I'm not good enough for their family? Were you going to go tell Felix he should dump me, based on the one conversation you'd had with me?" He shakes his head. "I don't think you would have...but that just means those conversations aren't actually meant to protect the people I'm dating. They're meant to sweat me."
Glenn's apology has been accepted, but that doesn't mean Claude necessarily feels any better. The grilling is over, but the messages sent can't be unsent. And the weekend...it's worn him too thin. He'd been pleased to finally have the chance to meet Glenn, knowing how much so many important men in his life think of him, and Glenn does indeed seem to be all that he's heard of him...but this looks to be what will be Claude's defining experience with him. Glenn using Claude as a source of information about the people he actually cares about, then getting suspicious of how Claude has all that information, and then asking Claude why he should trust him with those people who actually matter.
Claude meant what he said - he can't blame Glenn for any of this. Glenn's got a lot to catch up on, and who knows how much time. The man knows he's dead; developing new relationships isn't exactly going to be a priority for him. He doesn't know Claude, and even if he cared to get to know him, odds are he won't have time for that. Glenn's being practical, not thoughtless.
But even without blame, there's hurt. The lines between the people who matter and the people who don't - the differences in how Glenn thinks and speaks of them - are too stark to ignore. Sylvain is lucky to have married Felix; Claude is lucky Glenn has deferred judgment of him to Felix, and that Glenn trusted evidence he'd demanded Claude provide.
Claude scoops up a handful of sand, letting it run through his gloved fingers. "But in any case...thanks aren't necessary. They're all good men I'd want to help, no matter what, and that inclination didn't start with our dating. I should be thanking you - for being so good to them while you could. I mean, Dimitri wouldn't even be here today if not for you. And it's clear that you passed on a number of your good qualities to Felix. All their lives were better for having you in them. And if there's some way you can stick around here, then I know they'll be better now, too."
He gets to his feet, brushing himself off. "In any case, I think that's most of the news I can offer, so..."
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Date: 2021-06-10 09:32 am (UTC)Fortunately for Claude, Glenn shares with his brother a disinterest in asking too many questions when he doesn't feel like he needs the answers. So he doesn't bother prying into exactly what 'recently' might mean.
He turns his eyes back out to the horizon. "And I think I have a decent handle on most things, yes. The important things, anyway. I know that Felix and the others are much older than they are where I'm from. Or when, I suppose. I know that Felix and Sylvain are still 'close.'" He smirks briefly, but his expression is neutral when he goes on. "I know that something happens between Dimitri and my brother to drive them apart, though I honestly can't imagine anything bad enough to do that. You might not realize it, but as children they're inseparable, the two of them. Trying to go home when we visit Fhirdiad is always a ridiculous ordeal. Felix throws a fit, every time."
"And I know that I don't live to see this part of their lives. That's really what you're asking, isn't it? Do I know I'll die young? Leave Ingrid a widow before I even marry her? Save my prince's life in exchange for my own? Yes. I've heard. It was Dimitri who told me, in fact."
Of course, if that's not what Claude was asking and what he wanted to know was something like 'do you know what Pokemon are,' he's going to feel a little silly. Ah well.
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Date: 2021-06-19 12:57 pm (UTC)He gestures to the sand near Glenn. "Mind if I sit?" He waits for Glenn's agreement before settling himself on the sand beside him, resting his arms on bent knees.
"I'm sorry, by the way. Finding out something like that...it's got to be tough. I can't even imagine. And then all this crazy stuff to take in, and catching up on things that have happened since your death, the way the people you knew have grown and changed since...it has to be a lot. I never had the chance to meet you back home, under normal circumstances, but from everything I've heard, you were a good man who deserved a lot better than what he got. And you deserve a lot better than this, too - having so much suddenly dumped on your lap, and having to figure out how to cope with it all at once."
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Date: 2021-06-30 11:24 am (UTC)He listens, though, without interruption. By the time Claude finishes, Glenn's looking at him with an arched brow.
"Deserved better than what, exactly? I died protecting my prince, and he survived. What else could I have wanted out of my own death? If I hadn't given everything I had to ensure his safety, I would be disgusted with myself."
He shrugs. It is a lot, and having to piece it all together from the perspectives of a bunch of people who know Felix and his friends but were unwilling to tell him everything has truly tested his patience. But wallowing over bad news never helped anyone, and the news absolutely could have been much worse.
"It is what it is. Although people have been awfully cagey about catching me up on things. Our old man didn't mention a single word of it. Tch, did he really think I couldn't handle it?" Glenn shakes his head. "And everyone's been glad to tell me all the wonderful things they like about my brother, but no one has told me what's changed. All I know is that he was inexplicably never knighted, he had an unthinkable falling out with Dimitri, and he's never mentioned me to anyone who didn't already know who I was."
He turns to pin Claude with a level gaze--blue and steady, like Rodrigue's, rather than Felix's piercing amber. "I know Felix. Everything that happened in Duscur would have devastated him beyond coping. He's the most sensitive soul I've ever known, and he deals poorly with separation and loss. Very poorly."
"So tell me, Claude von Riegan. You seem to know more than most. Are you going to walk on eggshells with me, too, or are you going to do me the courtesy of a real answer?"
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Date: 2021-06-30 02:26 pm (UTC)Claude knows he can never compare Felix to Glenn. He's perhaps one of the few people who not only never has, but until now literally couldn't. But he wonders if Felix would mind if he compared Glenn to *him*.
Speculation for another time, however. For now, Claude promised Glenn answers.
"I didn't meet Felix until we attended Garreg Mach together, and even then, we were in different houses. We didn't become close until arriving in this place, actually. So I can't say I have much in the way of first-hand knowledge. Most of what I know is what I've heard from Felix himself, or of other people who know him better, but I'll tell you what I can." He looks out over the water. "Felix loved you and looked up to you a lot. But to him, you were his brother first, and a knight second. So while I don't think he could ever fault you for saving Dimitri - not when Dimitri means so much to him, too - losing you in the Tragedy was crushing.
"Your father took comfort in the fact that you died doing your duty, and what you were able to protect in doing it. But what Felix heard - from Rodrigue first, and then I'm sure from a bunch of other people - was people treating your death as some noble, knightly aspiration. That was so far from the horror and grief he felt over it, so completely not any kind of consolation to him, that it completely reversed his opinion of knighthood itself. He hates the whole idea, now - that any death should be a duty, or that any way of dying should be lauded like an accomplishment. Maybe part of it is disgust that people chalk your sacrifice up to knightly ideals, as though being a knight is what made you who you are rather than your personality shaping your knighthood and your actions as one. It's not your sacrifice, or the concept of self-sacrifice, that he hates; I think he'd lay down his life for Dimitri just as readily as you did. He hates the culture of it. That people are encouraged and lauded to lay down their lives, not because they couldn't help it or their hearts dictated it, but because some system of thinking has taught them that it's their duty to. I think losing you woke him up to just how horrific even just one sacrifice like that can be, and I get the sense that a lot of the time he feels like the only person questioning the ghoulishness of a culture of self-sacrifice.
"It drove a massive wedge between Rodrigue and Felix, too. Their responses to your death were so different that they clashed completely. Worse, it was compounded by some well-meaning but poor decisions on Rodrigue's part. He wanted to help the severely traumatized Dimitri, and Felix was furious with him, so he went to Fhirdiad to look after Dimitri...and left Felix in Fraldarius territory, alone, to grieve. So Felix ended up feeling abandoned, separated from the best friend he was as worried about as anyone while also feeling like he was less important to Rodrigue than Dimitri was, still seething with Rodrigue over treating any part of your death as good and then the abandonment, and suddenly crushed under the expectations of being the next in line for being duke...and feeling like everyone was viewing him through your shadow. He got incredibly angry and defensive - way more likely to snap at someone than cry. He's been mellowing out over the years, but a lot of times he's still so sharp you can cut yourself on him. Or he'll cut you for his own part, sometimes even when he doesn't mean to. He's getting better at reining it in, though."
He glances sidelong at Glenn. "As for how he fell out with Dimitri for awhile...when they were fifteen, Dimitri and Felix were sent into Sreng for their first real battle. But Dimitri's trauma from the Tragedy...it ran deep. Deeper than anyone probably knew until they put him on a battlefield again for the first time since then. He lost control of himself...pretty completely. I haven't talked to him much about his time in Sreng, so I can't say it for sure, but I know he's hallucinated since then, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was barely aware of what was real or not. I think Sreng was the first time Felix got to see Dimitri again after the Tragedy, and...well, what Felix saw was an unhinged man, ruthlessly cutting people down in a fury. He was horrified and disgusted, and when Dimitri was off the battlefield again and regained control of himself...well, Felix didn't trust it. He thought the blood-soaked beast from Sreng was the real Dimitri, and that Dimitri was just putting on some kind of veneer. It was a lot more complex than that, but Felix doesn't necessarily think things through...especially when he's angry. Dimitri's violent side is all trauma, his mind dragging him back to the horrors of that day he watched his friends and family be slaughtered around him, and the rage he felt at their killers. The real Dimitri is the person he is when he's not terrified and enraged. And he's gotten that much more under control - in my time, he's pretty much conquered it. The Dimitri here is from...a little earlier than that, but even he's made incredible progress. And Felix, after years of brooding and refusing to believe that Dimitri isn't secretly a monster, has come around to seeing that, and made up with him."
He cocks an eyebrow at Glenn. "I trust that's all the honesty you could possibly want. It's also a lot of talking from me, which usually Felix doesn't have the patience for, but if everyone else has kept you waiting on answers, I figure I should get straight to them."
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Date: 2021-07-14 09:03 pm (UTC)Once Claude's finally finished, Glenn nods. "And I appreciate it. I asked for all that talking from you, I'd be a hypocrite to complain about it." He sighs heavily. "It's hard to imagine Felix the way you're describing him. Angry and defensive, sure--he's always been that way. A little kettle just boiling over with every emotion you could name. But sharp? Goddess. If you could have seen the Felix I know. He's like an adorable, fluffy kitten."
Then he shakes his head and groans. "I can't believe the old man left him alone. He absolutely should have known better. Leaving my brother alone is just about the fastest way to get him crying. Things really must have been dire for our father to resort to that. But you know?" Glenn looks up at the sky. "For all that this tale is disheartening to hear, I'm proud of Felix for thinking for himself. Forming his own beliefs and sticking to them, no matter what. That's how I've always hoped he'd grow up. What I tried to teach him. So I'm glad he took the lesson to heart, even if it had to be tested in blood and fire."
He frowns. "As for the little prince, I can't say I blame Felix for a reaction like that. Thinking of Dimitri that way is impossible. The Dimitri I know is the sweetest child Fodlan's ever seen. Don't get me wrong, he's a true Faerghan warrior down to his core; no one would ever fault him for lacking in bravery or honor. But we're talking about a child who's afraid to pet the hunting hounds for fear he'll accidentally hurt them. Bends over backwards to cheer Felix up when he's upset."
His face relaxes into a smile, then. "It's good to hear they reconciled. Felix must have been heartbroken, all that time. You should see the way he practically worships the ground Dimitri walks on. I'd have put even odds on him falling for either him or Sylvain when he was old enough. And from what Sylvain accidentally told me when I ran into him back at their house, he ended up the lucky fellow."
Glenn turns back to look at Claude. "But Sylvain's always been good at pretending everything's fine even if it isn't. It's why it took us so long to figure out--well, that's his business to tell, not mine. The point is, I could tell he wasn't exactly the same boy I remember. Do you happen to know anything about that? Or about Ingrid...mm. Wish she were here so I could see for myself."
Then his eyes narrow slightly, in a way very reminiscent of the way Felix's do when he's wary or suspicious. "And how exactly do you know so much about my brother, anyway?"
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Date: 2021-07-22 02:40 pm (UTC)He smiles a little, gazing out at the ocean. "That said...I actually have met the Felix you've seen. This weird weekend has done some playing around with people's ages...or maybe it's brought separate, younger versions of them in. I haven't seen a younger and older version of a person in the same room together, so I'm not sure which it is. All I know is that I got to talk to a younger Felix, one who hadn't lost his big brother yet...and he was absolutely adorable. Anyone - especially a big brother - would be crazy about him. He even decided he liked and trusted me, just from hearing that he and I become friends when he's older."
At the questioning about Sylvain, he glances at Glenn. "It sounds like you might already know some things about his home situation," he says, a touch carefully. "Which isn't really my business to tell any more than yours. But what I will say, because it's public knowledge in my time and I don't know when it happened in your lifetime, that Sylvain's brother Miklan eventually got kicked out on top of being disinherited - I think he'd finally begun causing too much trouble. And in the year we were all at Garreg Mach together, he broke into the Gautier estate and stole the Lance of Ruin. The Blue Lions - which is to say, Dimitri and Felix and Sylvain and Ingrid, and some other students besides - were dispatched by the church to deal with the theft, and Miklan's gang of bandits. And in the process, Miklan was killed. I don't know who struck him down, and there's limits to even my curiosity; I never asked. But Sylvain...wasn't unaffected by that, I know that much. That's probably part of what's changed.
"The other part is just...the war. Toward the end of the year we had at the Officer's Academy, the Adrestian Empire launched an attack on the church, and declared war on it. And, by proxy, both the Kingdom and the Alliance. It's still raging back home, as of when we all came here - and it's been going on for almost six years. Sylvain - and Felix, and pretty much everyone else - have been doing a lot of fighting, being soldiers. The war hit the Kingdom especially hard - Cornelia turned out to have been an Imperial asset, almost certainly planted on purpose. Almost as soon as the war started, she tried to have Dimitri executed, out of sight, under trumped-up charges of having murdered his uncle - which of course there was no proof for. Dimitri escaped, but he spent most of the war in hiding, and...well, mentally, in the roughest place imaginable. He was so betrayed and enraged and traumatized, he was barely sane. Not that Cornelia stopped there - she tried to drag the whole Kingdom and all its nobles over to the Imperial cause, and the whole country's been a hornet's nest of war since. Gautier and Fraldarius have been leading the resistance against her, so...you can imagine Felix and Sylvain have been in the thick of it all that time. And Felix loves fighting, but Sylvain..." He shakes his head. He doesn't really need to elaborate there.
"According to Sylvain, he's seen the end of the war, and a Kingdom victory. Which is good to know, but...well, a lot of the changes you see in him definitely come down to the wringer he's been wrung through over the years."
He looks back out at the ocean. "As for how I know all this...I could say that Felix and I are friends, and leave it at that. But I've been honest with you so far, and I haven't regretted it yet, so...I'll stick with that for now. The fact is that...a lot of us developed feelings for each other. Or maybe always had them. Simultaneously. And we all decided we were fine with exploring those feelings simultaneously." He glances at Glenn again. "So I'm dating your brother. And Sylvain. And Dimitri. And they're all dating each other, too...well, except Sylvain and Felix, who've gone all the way to being married already. You already seem to be aware that Felix was infatuated with more than one person growing up, so maybe hearing he's with more than one person isn't too much of a shock to you. I'm the only big surprise as a relative newcomer, compared to the little knot of Faerghans who've been in love with each other since childhood." He grins. "But I'm told I'm charming."
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Date: 2021-07-23 09:04 am (UTC)His brows lift, and then he smirks. "Won him over, did you? That's impressive, you must really have made an impression. Usually he's wary of strangers, although once he decides he likes you, good luck ever getting rid of him."
He sobers again as he listens to Claude talk about Sylvain. He makes a quiet, disgusted noise at the recounting of the events at Conand Tower. "Miklan, that bastard. He's always been a disaster waiting to happen. I'd love to have run him through myself if I'd had the chance. But Sylvain...poor kid."
He looks more and more disbelieving the more Claude says about the war. "The Empire declared war on the church?" He waves a hand. "You know what, I don't need to know the details of why. But Cornelia? Tried to have the crown prince executed? Goddess, Dimitri...it's just one thing after another. I should have been there for him. I met him at about 17, yesterday, that's how I learned about Duscur. And even then he already didn't seem like he was altogether there. How could so much have gone so wrong?"
It seems like more of a rhetorical question than a real one, though, as he thinks over the rest. "At least we were able to mount a resistance. But no, Sylvain has never been nearly so fond of battle as the rest of us, despite his clear talent for it."
When Claude starts talking about more personal things, Glenn eyes him with that same wariness as before, particularly at the comment about how Claude would stick to being honest 'for now.' The rest of it has him staring as he just...processes that for a minute, before he turns fully to look at Claude.
"I see. No, it's not a shock that Felix could end up with more than one person, although I didn't think people did that sort of thing. But Felix is my baby brother and the other two are practically the same, so I think you know what I'm going to say, Claude. Give me a reason to trust you with their feelings. I need to know that all three of them are in good hands. And do make sure that you continue to stick with being honest."
He doesn't seem angry, nor threatening, per se. But he is quite serious.
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Date: 2021-07-25 07:29 pm (UTC)"As for things to say in my own defense...well, I don't know if it counts, but I do know that if Felix were here to hear you doubting his own good judgment, thinking he needs you to vet his choice of partners for him, he'd probably challenge you on the spot. Not that he needs much excuse to challenge people to duels, so maybe that's not saying much." He looks up at the sky. "I could say that I helped, to some degree, your brother and your father come to more of an understanding than they've had in awhile today. I could say I helped Dimitri, to some degree, out of the pit his trauma had him in. I could say I helped Sylvain and Felix pick out their wedding rings for each other, and that I helped them get together in the first place. I could say a lot of things about how much I care about all of them, and how much I've done to try to help them be healthy and happy. And I guess, technically, now I have said all of that."
He sighs. "But what I actually want to say is that this is the second time just this weekend that a family member of one of my boyfriends has demanded I prove myself worthy of a man I'm dating to their satisfaction, and that's really only been the start of the things I've had to field this weekend. I guess anyone being pleased that I'm dating someone they care about is too much to ask."
He shrugs. "Not that I don't understand or sympathize with your concern for Felix. Of course you want to look out for your little brother, especially when - to put it mildly - you can't exactly be around full-time to do it. And I can't begin to blame you for that brotherly concern. But...it's coming at my expense. I guess I wish someone cared about that, even a fraction as much as my boyfriends' families care about protecting them from me. Instead, my humiliation is an acceptable price to pay for the peace of mind of my boyfriends' families...because being assumed to be bad for them, and having to prove I'm deserving of them, is humiliating."
He fixes Glenn with a long, level look. "I may as well tell you now that I'm Almyran. Does that make my burden of proof even higher?"
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Date: 2021-07-26 06:34 am (UTC)Glenn watches Claude mostly impassively throughout all of this, though he's clearly listening, not zoning out or just waiting for Claude to finish. It's not until the question is posed that his expression really changes - his brows lift, his gaze becomes a little more knowing.
"No, not at all. Though I know why you ask. Most of Faerghus would say yes."
He shakes his head. "You were the one who told me you'd decided to be honest 'for now.' That didn't fill me with confidence, though I didn't assume you'd be bad for them any more than I assumed you'd be good for them."
He shifts position in the sand to turn and face Claude more directly. "But you've made several good points. Among them that I ought to trust Felix's judgment, and that I ought to be pleased that he's found someone else he wants to be with. Like I said, the Felix I know is slow to warm up to people, and it sure doesn't sound like that much has changed. So if you've gotten close enough to him since coming here that he wanted to court you, you must be doing something right."
He offers Claude a hand for shaking. "So I hope you'll accept my apology for grilling you. And my thanks, for making my brother and the others happy and looking after them. Since, as you pointed out, I can't."
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Date: 2021-07-26 03:06 pm (UTC)He gazes out at the ocean. "Honesty is easy. You don't have to think about it, or try to keep a story straight. When honesty genuinely is the best policy, that's what I stick to. But plenty of people give me reasons not to trust them with the truth. They say the truth hurts, but usually the people who say that mean that they're going to hurt someone else with what they say. In my experience, the truth hurts the person saying it a lot more often than it hurts anyone listening. The truth can be a weapon in the wrong hands, and I don't go out of my way to arm people I don't trust."
He glances at Glenn. "When I said I'd stick to honesty for now, I meant you hadn't yet given me any reason to regret telling you what I know. The fact that my acknowledging I have the option to lie to you making you distrust me more, though...that's kind of hilarious, isn't it? If I was going to try to lie to you, you'd think I wouldn't bring that up.
"And let's face it, I can't believe you needed me to bring up the idea of me being able to lie to consider whether or not you can trust what I'm saying. You have to have been asking yourself that all along, right? And you didn't think I was lying before. What I've been saying matches up with what you already know, and it hangs together logically. I don't have any particular reason to lie to a dead man. I'm sure you thought all that out and settled yourself that you can trust me awhile ago. But I say that my honesty isn't necessarily unconditional or indefinite, and that makes you doubt me? I genuinely have to ask - why?"
Still, he shakes the offered hand of Glenn's. "But apology accepted. Honestly - " Claude's going to get sick of that word soon. " - I just don't know how these talks are supposed to go when people have them with me. I build a relationship with a guy for months, slowly show him sides of myself I don't just trust anyone with, and then a family member of theirs walks up to me and essentially goes 'I don't know you, but summarize for me what he sees in you and make me trust you the way he's come to over the course of actually getting to know you. Oh, yeah, and can you compress it into about fifteen minutes, max?' It's not just humiliating - it's impossible. It feels like a task people set for me to fail. How do I give them enough to judge me on? And why do they think that over the course of one acutely stilted conversation, I'll be able to give them enough evidence to make a better call than the guy I'm dating did? What's the game plan if someone does decide I'm not good enough for their family? Were you going to go tell Felix he should dump me, based on the one conversation you'd had with me?" He shakes his head. "I don't think you would have...but that just means those conversations aren't actually meant to protect the people I'm dating. They're meant to sweat me."
Glenn's apology has been accepted, but that doesn't mean Claude necessarily feels any better. The grilling is over, but the messages sent can't be unsent. And the weekend...it's worn him too thin. He'd been pleased to finally have the chance to meet Glenn, knowing how much so many important men in his life think of him, and Glenn does indeed seem to be all that he's heard of him...but this looks to be what will be Claude's defining experience with him. Glenn using Claude as a source of information about the people he actually cares about, then getting suspicious of how Claude has all that information, and then asking Claude why he should trust him with those people who actually matter.
Claude meant what he said - he can't blame Glenn for any of this. Glenn's got a lot to catch up on, and who knows how much time. The man knows he's dead; developing new relationships isn't exactly going to be a priority for him. He doesn't know Claude, and even if he cared to get to know him, odds are he won't have time for that. Glenn's being practical, not thoughtless.
But even without blame, there's hurt. The lines between the people who matter and the people who don't - the differences in how Glenn thinks and speaks of them - are too stark to ignore. Sylvain is lucky to have married Felix; Claude is lucky Glenn has deferred judgment of him to Felix, and that Glenn trusted evidence he'd demanded Claude provide.
Claude scoops up a handful of sand, letting it run through his gloved fingers. "But in any case...thanks aren't necessary. They're all good men I'd want to help, no matter what, and that inclination didn't start with our dating. I should be thanking you - for being so good to them while you could. I mean, Dimitri wouldn't even be here today if not for you. And it's clear that you passed on a number of your good qualities to Felix. All their lives were better for having you in them. And if there's some way you can stick around here, then I know they'll be better now, too."
He gets to his feet, brushing himself off. "In any case, I think that's most of the news I can offer, so..."