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Dec. 14th, 2020 02:58 am
vrdantwind: (If I'm right here with you)
[personal profile] vrdantwind


"Hey, this is Claude! Pretty sure I'm doing this correctly. You can leave me a message here, and I'll get to it as soon as I can. Talk to you soon~."

Date: 2021-02-22 09:07 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (postskip concerned)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
Felix takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, pulling on his own hair in an attempt to get back in the saddle. Emotionally speaking. It's made a little easier by the relief he feels; Claude didn't mean the things it sounded like he meant. But Felix can't parse any of it. How does Claude usually do this?

No, he can't try to do things the Claude way. He'll just fail. He's not Claude. He's Felix. Words don't work.

He sits up and scoots back over to wrap his arms completely around Claude in a tight embrace.

"Yes. They do. I'm sorry. I just don't understand why you're so determined to take it all on yourself. Or why you think you're not supposed to feel just as much as the rest of us. It's just like you always tell me--I can't help if I don't know enough, right? And don't tell me I shouldn't be trying to help you, I'm doing it anyway, and you can't stop me."

Date: 2021-02-22 10:13 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (postskip concerned)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
"I'm not telling you it's going to be fine. I'm telling you there's space in between 'we need you to be perfect' and 'you're of no use at all.'" Felix frowns, trying to figure out how to put this. "It's like...the beams. If the structure is built well, then when one support fails, the weight is redistributed among the others until that one can be repaired. So even though the structure is weaker than usual overall, it doesn't fall."

He hopes that makes sense. He's no architect, but it seems right to him.

But the rest...he falls silent until Claude is finished. Then, quietly, "...oh. You're training." It is a matter of life and death, just as much as it is for Felix on the training grounds. "I know it's not the same, but in our own ways, Dimitri and Sylvain and Ingrid and I have all felt that we weren't what Faerghus wanted us to be, either. But even Dimitri doesn't have to put up with the kind of pressure you describe."

His brow furrows. "But you can't erase how you feel. I know; I've tried. You've seen firsthand how well that's worked. I know you want to do something to help Sylvain and you can't, so you're trying to do something to help us instead. You've been through the same battlefield first aid training as I have--you know that you can't treat someone else's wounds until you stop yourself from bleeding out. All I'm asking you to do is figure out how to stop your own bleeding before you worry about ours, even if it's just for tonight."

Date: 2021-02-23 12:00 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (postskip contemplative)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
"Hmph. You are failing your own advice. It was good advice."

Felix nods. "You're right. You will feel useless. So do I. If there were some way to avoid it, I'd have found it a long time ago. There isn't, so...we'll just have to feel useless together, until we get over it. Keep ourselves occupied." He rests his head against Claude's. "Sleep helps. ...I can stay here. If you want."

Date: 2021-02-23 08:33 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (postskip contemplative)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
"Because you're the only one this is new for." Felix shrugs. "It's a different kind of pain. The uncertainty makes it worse. You don't know what you're supposed to feel. I imagine that it must be particularly difficult for you--you're always trying to predict and plan."

Felix lifts his head and blinks. "...all right. Thank you. I'd prefer to be there with Inda, as well." He finally releases Claude and stands, offering him a hand.

Date: 2021-02-26 01:26 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (postskip ha)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
Those look more like the eyes Felix is used to seeing--still not exactly sparkling, but they seem to have regained some of their life, and even just that alongside the nickname is enough of a return to familiarity that it helps. He can't hold Claude's gaze for more than a couple of seconds, but he nods; everything is too raw for him to try to back away from this closeness now with excuses. "You're welcome. I wasn't sure I could, or that you would want me to try, so...I'm glad Dimitri was right."

He squeezes Claude's hand lightly. "All right. I'll wait--" In the other room, is what he was going to say, but maybe it's better if he and Claude go back into that room together. Besides, if Dimitri and Grant are still loitering out in the hall, Felix doesn't really want to have to talk to them. "--here."
Edited Date: 2021-02-26 02:05 am (UTC)

Date: 2021-02-27 07:01 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (postskip wtf)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
You ought to have more faith in yourself. That's just the kind of thing Felix would expect from Claude--always lifting people up, even if all Felix did was lay out the unfortunate truth of what it's like to lose someone you love. He has plenty of faith in himself when it comes to things he knows how to do, but reassuring people is very much not one of them. So hearing that Claude appreciated the talk anyway is a comfort.

He startles when an enormous beak comes down to rest on his shoulder. He turns with wide eyes to see Arbiter looking back at him in approval. "Oh. You're...welcome?" The gesture is an abrupt reminder that these Pokemon were here to witness that entire conversation, have been watching him and listening this whole time. If he thinks about it too much, he'll feel humiliated, so instead he turns his attention to the fact that he's now the center of their attention.

"What?" He can't help backing away a little toward the door at their staring, despite the fact that they're obviously the opposite of upset with him. There's a reason he put all of his and Sylvain's Pokemon other than Inda in their balls today, even Varley. He didn't want to feel watched in his raw, pathetic state. "I caused the problem in the first place, I was just...rectifying it. That's all."

Then the Zoroark moves, and Felix stares as she...turns into Claude and uses his voice. What the fuck? What the fuck.

"Uh...thanks. Don't ever do that again. ...I have to go."

Sure, he said he'd wait here, but he didn't say he'd necessarily stay on this side of the door. He hopes Claude is almost finished with his talk, because he's absolutely going out into the hall now.

Date: 2021-03-02 10:44 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (postskip look away)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
Felix looks up, too, blinking. "What? No. Your Zoroark turned into you and I think Arbiter tried to bless me, and they were all staring at me. I had to get out of there."

Now that Claude's mentioned it, though-- "Are you ready yet?"

If Dimitri and Grant are still around, he pays them no mind, doesn't even look at them. He's not in the mood for any further commentary or gratitude or pity. He'll...talk to Dimitri tomorrow, maybe. He can't handle any more of this tonight.

Date: 2021-03-06 06:43 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (postskip concerned)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
Felix doesn't have it in him to smile back, but the fact that Claude is laughing seems like a good sign. "I think they were trying to thank me. Which is ridiculous considering--never mind."

He clings to Claude's hand a little more than he'd have liked as they make their way back down the hall. "...you're right. I don't. That's why I came to your room in the first place."

Felix unlocks the door--apparently he locked it, even for the brief time he thought he would be gone--and pushes it open, going inside. Inda's awake now and she's thoughtfully turned on a lamp so that Felix wouldn't return to the dark room he left, not having bothered to turn on any lights himself.

"Thanks, Inda," he mutters, moving to the bed to pat her leaves. Stee, is her quiet response, from where she's curled up on top of Sylvain's chest, and--

And yes, there's Sylvain, exactly where Felix left him: lying on his back on his side of the bed. Felix could almost convince himself that the other man is merely asleep like normal, and that when he lies down, Sylvain will stir and turn to pull him close and mutter something unintelligible. But he's been in and out of the bed all day, and he knows that won't happen.

So he climbs onto the bed and pulls the covers back for Claude, sliding as close to Sylvain as he reasonably can to make room, still sitting up for now. In his mind's eye, he can see Sylvain looking up at him and opening his arms wide the way he always does when he wants to cuddle. Felix doesn't do that, but he does hold a hand out to Claude in invitation.

Date: 2021-03-11 04:31 am (UTC)
bestswordmaster: (eyes closed)
From: [personal profile] bestswordmaster
Inda gives Claude a sleepy little wave and a faint smile of greeting, or perhaps gratitude. Once Claude has settled in the bed, Varley rises from her place curled up on the floor to paw at the button to turn the lamp off, before padding around the bed to lick Sylvain's face a few times and returning to her spot.

Felix sighs quietly, relaxing just a little. But he's moving again soon enough, rolling carefully over to wrap his arms around Claude, too, tucking his own head under the other man's chin.

"Thank you," he murmurs. "Good night, Claude."

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Claude von Riegan

January 2021

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