No it doesn't. How you feel can't sound foolish to me. [Claude takes Dimitri's hands in his.] This is important to me. Are you worried? Uncomfortable? Because I'd be happy to do anything with you, Dimitri - and I do mean anything - but I don't want you to feel pressured into doing any of it. I don't want you to feel like it's happening too fast, or that it's not special, or like you're doing something wrong.
I... I only know the one way to pursue romance. [The courtly version.] That way is what I have thought makes their lover feel cherished, special, loved, and that is what I have always wanted for all of you.
Rushing so quickly... I am uncertain. [He shakes his head, fingers tightening in Claude's grip just a little bit.] And if I am uncertain, I feel that the chance only grows greater that I will do something wrong, something hurtful.
Oh, Dimitri. [Claude relaxes into a smile.] That's sweet...but you know that's not the only way to make people feel loved and cherished and special, right? Honestly, just the way you're looking at me right now makes me feel like that. It's not about having to follow some particular guidelines. A lot of the things you were taught...well, they were about formality, not feeling. Those things can go together, sure, but you don't need one to show the other at all.
I have a hard time picturing you hurting me, when you're so careful about that sort of thing now. [He lifts a hand to cup Dimitri's cheek.] But I can always tell you if you're going off-track, or if you're going too far too fast. Can't I? You holding yourself back isn't the only way to make sure nothing bad happens, you know.
Even so, with guidelines, I know that I won't ruin things...
[It had been something he had wondered, occasionally, in the wake of the Tragedy. If he didn't have guidelines, would he fall apart into the wretched monster he knew he was?]
Not to completely terrify you, Dimitri, but...all the guidelines you've learned are Faerghus guidelines. [Claude looks amused.] Almyrans have different standards, you know. There isn't some guaranteed formula for success with me...or Grant, for that matter, since he's not from Faerghus, either. Or Felix, who kind of hates the formal Faerghan way of doing things...so really, you were always going to have to have individual approaches for all of us. There's no simple checklist of things to do and things to avoid. There's just...being with us, learning what we like and what we don't like, figuring out what we're okay with. And we have to do the same with you.
You could have, I guess. [Claude smiles up at him.] But then, would you be dating all of us? Which of us would you be willing to give up in the name of simplicity?
Then you might just have to resign yourself to us, and all the messy complications we represent. [Claude's smile broadens as he watches Dimitri nuzzle his hand. It's actually enough to make a minute shiver run through him.]
Speaking of blissful torment... [Claude sighs, fingers lightly shifting to brush against Dimitri's cheek.] I don't mind waiting until you're ready, if that's what you need, but how am I supposed to behave with the things you're doing to me...?
Oh, Dimitri. [Claude sighs with fond mock exasperation.] Your lips against my skin like that...who wouldn't find it incredibly enticing? But I'm supposed to behave, aren't I? [He smiles.] A part of me, the part of me that knows you're not ready to take this any further and feels teased, wants to complain...but there's also a part of me that never wants you to stop.
[He knows he has to spell this out rather plainly for Dimitri. The man's too good at being oblivious.]
[Claude makes a soft sound that's almost a whine.] Oh, I think you doing it on purpose is even worse... [There's a breathlessness to his voice that wasn't there before. Dimitri working him up obliviously is one thing, but Dimitri knowing he's working Claude up and doing it on purpose? Not only is there a deeply appealing cheekiness to it, there's a tease as to whether or not Dimitri intends to make good on working him up or not. Claude seriously doubts it, not this soon, not this easily, but...there's that chance.]
no subject
Date: 2021-02-16 10:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-02-17 04:48 am (UTC)Rushing so quickly... I am uncertain. [He shakes his head, fingers tightening in Claude's grip just a little bit.] And if I am uncertain, I feel that the chance only grows greater that I will do something wrong, something hurtful.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-19 06:00 pm (UTC)I have a hard time picturing you hurting me, when you're so careful about that sort of thing now. [He lifts a hand to cup Dimitri's cheek.] But I can always tell you if you're going off-track, or if you're going too far too fast. Can't I? You holding yourself back isn't the only way to make sure nothing bad happens, you know.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-20 08:33 am (UTC)[It had been something he had wondered, occasionally, in the wake of the Tragedy. If he didn't have guidelines, would he fall apart into the wretched monster he knew he was?]
[Sighing, he nuzzles against Claude's palm.]
But... Yes. You could...
no subject
Date: 2021-02-24 04:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 03:14 am (UTC)I could not make things simple for myself, doing this for the first time with so many different people, could I?
no subject
Date: 2021-02-25 11:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-02-26 03:21 am (UTC)[Dimitri nuzzles against Claude's palm some more.]
Never.
no subject
Date: 2021-02-27 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-02-27 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 06:01 pm (UTC)...I'm doing something?
[He hadn't noticed.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-06 04:19 am (UTC)[He knows he has to spell this out rather plainly for Dimitri. The man's too good at being oblivious.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-06 11:46 pm (UTC)Oh. I see.
[...And then, just a little shyly, he nuzzles Claude's palm some more.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-11 01:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-03-11 07:16 am (UTC)Then I suppose I should stop. I would not want to make you feel worse, after all.