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[vrdantwind]

"Hey, this is Claude! Pretty sure I'm doing this correctly. You can leave me a message here, and I'll get to it as soon as I can. Talk to you soon~."

Comments

[vrdantwind]

Hm. Is it offensive if I object to you calling yourself a monster? Only I know of times in our world where people have genuinely turned into monsters, and I think that should mean more than just temporarily changing shape into something that's mostly dog-like. But that could be different standards from different places...and maybe you don't like having your curse downplayed?

But I guess you've got a point. Suppressed symptoms doesn't necessarily mean you're not still a carrier, huh? Not that it matters, really; if you wouldn't be comfortable doing it regardless, then it doesn't matter if you can pass it or not because there's no reason to even test it. Sorry for the weird questions and uncomfortable subjects, but when I get new information I just naturally start turning it over in my head every which way. I hope I'm not making it an unpleasant conversation, because I appreciate you trusting me so much.

That said, a guy like you doesn't deserve to have had a string of weird asshole boyfriends. Hell, you don't deserve to have even had one. But if there's anyone who can break that streak for you, it'd be Dimitri. He'll treat you...well, I was going to say like a prince, but he's been a prince and he never liked being treated as one much. So he'll treat you better than a prince. I think I've mentioned it before, but at his best, you can't ask for a better guy than Dimitri is. And you've done a lot helping him get back to that.

[woofdad]

Oh, sorry-- I guess I was thinking in terms of that being how people tend to respond? Or did back home, anyway. I suppose it is partly a matter of standards, since... generally, what I turn into on full moons would be considered a monster back home, since it's... not exactly a straightforward, uh, dog. That said though, I apologize if that does dilute the meaning as it applies to what you've encountered, that wasn't my intention at all.

No, it's alright - this is honestly a lot more comfortable than a lot of conversations I've had about this.]

[It actually takes him a moment to figure out how to go about responding to that, because... Claude is absolutely right, from everything Grant has seen, and that's a lot to process.]

Oh, yeah, believe me - how Dimitri might treat me is the last of my worries. I mean, I guess I'm a little worried about if things might get awkward about some topics, but not in any way that would really be his fault, you know?

It's almost funny, actually - there was plenty of fiction back where I'm from set in time periods that I guess sound kind of like where and when you guys are from; a lot of it had romantic elements, whether that was the focus or not, and I was kind of fascinated by that for a while? The whole thing about being courted by a handsome knight or prince or something. 'Course, I couldn't read or watch most of it without just getting punched in the face at some point by how it wasn't really FOR me. That stuff was usually made for women to project onto, not gay guys, and if a werewolf showed up at all, he was usually either some kind of wild, sexually aggressive romantic rival, or a straight-out villain. I knew that stuff wasn't meant to be realistic to begin with, but it kind of ended up feeling like even more unrealistic of a fantasy for me than the people it was actually made for.

...Sorry, there's probably a limit to how much of my baggage I should be dumping on you at once - I can stop now, but I guess I've just been thinking about that a lot and I couldn't exactly say it to anyone, since the only people around who knew about the werewolf thing until now were Chip and Dimitri himself.

[vrdantwind]

I'm not worried about diluting the meaning. I'm just worried about someone like you getting lumped in with some pretty hideous, mindless creatures just because of some curse. You're not a monster when you're not transformed, and I don't think you should be called one when you are, either. I bet calling yourself one isn't great for your self-esteem, either.

Huh. So you're kind of getting to live a story that you never really got to feel was meant for someone like you, huh? That's honestly great, Grant. If anybody deserves some kind of fairy tale romance, I'd say it's you and Dimitri both. So...I really hope it works out for you guys.

Also, I'm glad you're talking to me about this. That you'd trust me enough to come to me with all this stuff means a lot, and it's not like I owe you any less after you listened to me vent about Sylvain and Felix.

[Claude's heart is still aching, but...in an odd sort of way, listening to Grant talk about this is comforting. If he's losing something he wanted, then...it at least feels like he's losing it to a really good cause. To a really good person who's been denied a lot of good things he never should have been. It's no less bitter a pill to swallow, but...it's easier to resign himself when he hears just how much this means to Grant.]

[woofdad]

[...Actually, Grant's mouth tightens slightly at Claude's response. He knows there's no reason for it to be frustrating. Claude means well, he thinks Grant is talking badly about himself and wants to stop him. Of course.

Grant doesn't know how to tell him just how long he's spent drilling those same messages into himself, how to break down the fact that he's not being self-deprecating, not describing himself but what people have heard all his life when they found out about his curse.

Maybe he got too comfortable too fast. Or maybe he just shouldn't have tried to use sarcasm over text.

Either way, it's not the time to get into it.]

Well, I do appreciate it - but, rest assured, I don't actually think of myself as a monster. Anyway, I won't say it again if it bothers you.

Thank you - and I guess I should also say, I don't want to make it sound like I'm going to be projecting some kind of made-up ideal on him, either. Reading back over it, it feels like it was a weird thing to say.

Hey, you're probably one of the most trustworthy people I know. I'm just really glad to know you here, and that you're willing to listen; after all, I wouldn't say that me choosing to listen to you venting before means you actually OWE me anything now. You're just a good guy.

[vrdantwind]

Hey, as long as I know you're not being down on yourself, you can say whatever you want. But, you know, after hearing Dimitri call himself a monster a few dozen times, and the way he uses the word...well, it starts to sound pretty loaded after awhile. I'd definitely be careful using it where he can hear you, too.

You really don't need to project some fairy tale ideal of Dimitri onto him. He's just kind of like that a lot of the time, to the point where you have to pinch yourself to make sure you're not just dreaming him up. But then he throws rats at people's faces and brings you back down to reality himself, so there's always that.

[Claude actually has to blink at the screen for a moment. Trustworthy. No, the word's still there even after he blinks.]

That's a very flattering sentiment, and probably one that would have been voted The Least Likely To Ever Be Applied To Claude von Riegan back at the academy. Me being shady and mysterious and untrustworthy were practically my trademarks. I mean, occasionally musing out loud about mildly poisoning the other houses didn't help... (I never did, for the record! It was psychological warfare!)

Either way, the point is, I never thought anyone would say something like that about me, and I kind of doubt that I deserve it. But you deserve somebody who'll listen to you. I don't know if you need that to be me when you've got Dimitri, who I'm sure hangs off your every word, but...hey, if you still see some value in having me around, I'm happy to provide it. I probably give better advice than Dimitri, in any case.

[woofdad]

Oh, yeah, I'll absolutely make sure to avoid that phrasing around Dimitri.

[Part of him wonders if he should make a joke there, ask Claude if he often has to pinch himself to make sure Dimitri is real - but he supposes that could risk sounding sort of accusatory, under the circumstances. After all, Claude's praise for Dimitri may be kind of oddly effusive, but that's no reason to make it sound like he thinks Claude is going to try anything.

...Also, in general, as he reads over the rest of what Claude said, he finds himself... a little bit worried? And not over the fact that he apparently threatened to poison his classmates at some point.]

Well, regardless of what kind of reputation you had at school - and whether it was deserved - you've only given me one reason after another to trust you here; after all, if I'd had any doubt, I wouldn't have told you I was a werewolf. And that isn't going to change just because of my relationship with Dimitri, however that goes; your "value" to me isn't dependent on what you can do for me, or on whether I think anyone else can do the same, or on my relationships to other people at all. I like you, and I like talking to you. I appreciate that you've been willing to listen, and that you've tried to help me, and I want to do the same for you if I ever can. That's really all there is to it.

And you probably do give better advice than Dimitri, anyway. Plus, I don't think he'd enjoy being talked at about the planar system for as long as you.

[vrdantwind]

Ha. Maybe I've been spending too much time around self-serving nobles who will discard people as soon as they become functionally redundant, huh? Still, though, when you're looking for emotional support, I imagine it's natural enough to reach for your significant other before you hit up your friends. But as you say...if you're looking for advice, I may still be your best bet.

And yeah, you've got a point there too. If you ever want to go way too in depth on esoteric subjects, I am definitely the guy for that. You know, Chip said I sounded like an encyclopedia the other day? And I was being restrained! We're unappreciated in our own times, Grant.

[woofdad]

Eh, maybe, broadly speaking. But it depends on the person and the issue, doesn't it? Besides which, putting too much pressure on one person to act as support seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

Oh my god. I'm so sorry but that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard. I'm almost impressed you managed that when they're already used to me.

[vrdantwind]

I didn't say you should only ever go to your significant other! Just that it makes sense they'd be your first port of call in a storm.

Ugh, I'm still offended! Not because it was all that offensive, mind you. Honestly, I agree that's pretty funny, and one of the mildest insults I've ever had directed at me. I'm just mad that I did so little to deserve it! A million times in my life that it would've made perfect sense to say that about me, and they just bust out with it when I wasn't even off on a tangent about anything! And you're their dad, so it's extra offensive! You'd think they'd have a higher tolerance!

I'm being unfairly maligned, Grant. Teach your kid to at least insult people accurately!

[woofdad]

That's fair. But, either way, the point does remain that I'm not gonna stop having reason to confide in you.

Okay, well, here's a question, were you not a tangent by YOUR standards, or by an eleven year old's standards? Because I feel like those may be two very different things.

Oh I am not teaching them that. Improving their combat for self defense is one thing, but that would be a disaster waiting to happen.

[vrdantwind]

I could've sworn it was reasonable enough for kids! He said all old people are bad with technology, and I just said something about being an old dog still plenty capable of learning new tricks, and that was my reward. I am completely innocent of these accusations, Grant.

[woofdad]

Okay, well, there's your problem: NEVER call yourself an old anything in front of an eleven year old. Especially not in an idiom! I can only imagine their face, I don't know if they've ever heard a person say that out loud before.

[vrdantwind]

They called me old first! [Claude's whine is practically audible over text.] I figured that if they consider someone my age old, there wasn't a whole lot of talking them out of that idea anyway...

Ugh, maybe I'm just not good with kids.

[woofdad]

[Sorry not sorry, Claude, this is still incredibly funny.]

See, accepting it is one thing, agreeing is another.

As far as I can tell, you're doing pretty good, actually. The fact that they said something like that to your face but haven't shown any signs of being scared of you since then means they must be pretty comfortable with you.

[vrdantwind]

Yeah...I've noticed they're pretty wary for a kid. I actually think I've been getting along with them okay because they remind me of myself at that age, so I've got a vague idea of how they might react to things. It's not a perfect guide - they've surprised me more than once - but it's obviously working okay.

It really makes me wonder what they've been through, though. I'm going to risk an educated guess and say it's related to things that happened before you adopted them? Since you obviously take great care of them yourself.

[woofdad]

[They remind Claude of himself... that's a little worrying, not least because Grant knows Chip reminded him of himself at first, and he sure knows why that was. He's certainly got a few questions about Claude's upbringing now.]

That would be right - and I honestly appreciate that you trust that I wasn't the one who did this to them. Frankly, Chip was treated very badly by their birth family; getting them comfortable with new people is usually something of a process.

[vrdantwind]

I do trust you, but it's not even really trust that led me to make that call - it's just observation. You're a good dad, Grant. And you love Chip. It's pretty much impossible for anyone with even the most basic grasp of common sense to believe you could've been the cause of whatever issues and fears they have. I don't have to take it on faith.

That's awful, though. I'm glad they're with you now. I wouldn't think any kid deserved that, but they're a good kid who especially doesn't.

[woofdad]

I don't know, some people put up a pretty good front - so I'll keep being glad that you realize that's not what this is.

Absolutely agreed. I think they might be working through it, a little bit at a time, but it's bound to take a while. It wasn't even that long ago that I adopted them, so they've got almost a decade's worth of garbage treatment to deal with. Sometimes I'm honestly amazed they're as stable as they are.

[vrdantwind]

Maybe, but I'm also good at seeing through people trying to manipulate me. I'm pretty confident in my judgment of your character.

They're a good kid. And they'll only become better with a dad like you looking after them. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help them be more comfortable around all of us, okay?

[How did they get on the subject of Chip when talking about Grant potentially going out with Dimitri? Claude isn't sure, but in a way he's oddly grateful. Talking about this is actually...soothing some of the sting. It's reminding him how good of a guy Grant is, and how he deserves good things, and is helping him push his own selfishness aside. When he focuses on Grant, instead of on the (purely theoretical, in that Claude never had him to begin with) loss of Dimitri...it's easier.]

[woofdad]

Thank you - really. And I'll let you know if there is anything; so far, they seem to be adjusting pretty well, especially now that they're getting along better with Sylvain. Couldn't ask for a better group of old-timey nobility-slash-veterans to be traveling with.