I mean, the thing is that I *do* have someone I should talk to this about. I've got a friend who basically volunteered to serve as my ad hoc therapist since summer. I see him for a few hours around noon every Wednesday. I just-- haven't been talking to him about *that* so much, because a lot of what I'd been doing with him was reconstructing myself from what was left after *I* broke, which was some time before I came here the first time.
(I think you're right that everyone has a point at which they're broken. I know when mine was.)
But yes. I did have one of those 'canon updates' as Dirk calls them and since then it's been-- difficult. Mostly because I changed in quite a few ways in those six years and with most people I met before I 'updated' I sometimes feel the unconscious pressure to revert to the younger self they'd be more familiar with in their company. There's a few exceptions, such as with Thace, but for the most part it's a thing. That might be why I enjoy talking to you and your friends. You've never known the old me.
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understood!
Date: 2021-03-06 08:00 am (UTC)(I think you're right that everyone has a point at which they're broken. I know when mine was.)
But yes. I did have one of those 'canon updates' as Dirk calls them and since then it's been-- difficult. Mostly because I changed in quite a few ways in those six years and with most people I met before I 'updated' I sometimes feel the unconscious pressure to revert to the younger self they'd be more familiar with in their company. There's a few exceptions, such as with Thace, but for the most part it's a thing. That might be why I enjoy talking to you and your friends. You've never known the old me.