"I know." And he had. Claude had always known that, really - that Felix was just lashing out, that he wasn't really that angry - or, if he was, then it wasn't really at Claude. He'd said as much from the first. He'd never blamed Felix, or been angry with him himself.
Maybe that's why the apology doesn't make him feel that much better. The problem was always the hurt, never the intent, and accidental injuries don't heal any faster than deliberate ones. But Claude feels almost frustrated with himself that the apology doesn't just fix things. What more does he want from Felix? What more is it fair to even ask for? He doesn't even think it's fair for Felix to have to comfort him right now, so why is he letting things shape up into being like that?
The fact is that he feels locked up, somehow. Like a clock with a jam in its mechanisms. He can't even figure out exactly what's out of alignment(besides Sylvain being unconscious, but he was able to try to push through that earlier, wasn't he?), but it seems like nothing's going to work as it should until he does.
"I still can't, though. Sorry." And he hates himself for it. He hasn't been this helpless, this useless, since he was a little kid, and he'd learned even back then that there was no point to misery - only action to address it. So why is it all failing him now? Why is he paralyzed like this?
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Date: 2021-02-21 02:19 am (UTC)Maybe that's why the apology doesn't make him feel that much better. The problem was always the hurt, never the intent, and accidental injuries don't heal any faster than deliberate ones. But Claude feels almost frustrated with himself that the apology doesn't just fix things. What more does he want from Felix? What more is it fair to even ask for? He doesn't even think it's fair for Felix to have to comfort him right now, so why is he letting things shape up into being like that?
The fact is that he feels locked up, somehow. Like a clock with a jam in its mechanisms. He can't even figure out exactly what's out of alignment(besides Sylvain being unconscious, but he was able to try to push through that earlier, wasn't he?), but it seems like nothing's going to work as it should until he does.
"I still can't, though. Sorry." And he hates himself for it. He hasn't been this helpless, this useless, since he was a little kid, and he'd learned even back then that there was no point to misery - only action to address it. So why is it all failing him now? Why is he paralyzed like this?