[Claude jolts at the sudden soft touch - soft weight - on his hair, enough that if his hair were more smooth, he might just have knocked the crown right off. Fortunately it stays in place as he turns around in what's mostly surprise, but will always - after a life of fielding assassins - have a quiet undercurrent of alarm.
When he sees Dimitri, though, any tension floods right out of him again as he relaxes. Despite having been hurt by him once, that Dimitri would ever hurt him again - would ever even want to hurt him again - is beyond all possibility to Claude. There aren't many people he trusts implicitly, but Dimitri is one of them.
So he gets a smile, even as Claude reaches an exploratory hand up to find out just what is on his head with his fingers.] Dimitri? What's this - ?
[There's always a rush of concern, when he sees Claude act like this, to numerous little things. He understands it, on some level - it's why he still occasionally has so much trouble going to sleep even with Kent's help, unless his partner uses Hypnosis on him. But it doesn't make him any happier to see Claude react in such a way.]
[But to see that form relax at the sight of him... That is something as well, he supposes.]
Have you been keeping track of the months, as they'd be known in Fodlan, Claude...?
I mean, yes and no... [Claude can feel flower petals, and not just any kind. Roses? Did Dimitri just put a crown of roses on his head?] Why, is today some kind of anniversary I've missed?
[Dimitri reaches down into his pockets, searches for a very particular soft texture. All month, he's been practicing this, and the results haven't always come out well. Even with his Blaiddyd strength gone, well, it has been difficult. Leaves have fallen off, stems have snapped, and it's been quite a trial.]
[So it's no surprise that, for all that he has his prizes now woven together properly, he still has some things left behind as a sign of all that effort... and one of them would be the single and brilliantly white petal he holds out in his palm.]
[Claude laughs softly.] Oh, man...I was never great at remembering the Fodlan calendar, but I'm even worse here. [He smiles at Dimitri.] I thought it was women who made rose garlands, though? And it's been Garland Moon for awhile now, at least based on the calendars here. So what's the occasion all of a sudden?
I think it can be anyone who wants to give something to those they love. [It's nice to see Claude laughing again, and Dimitri brushes his fingers along Claude's.] And besides... I thought you were always fond of breaking little rules like that.
As for the timing... [Dimitri ducks his head slightly, embarrassed.] It was simply that I only recently gained the ability to make garlands like this properly.
I suppose that's one thing my theory does cover a little better, then. If this place can pull people who are dead in, well...we should be overwhelmed. [Claude waves a hand vaguely.] I mean, the number of people who are currently alive in any world is barely a drop in the bucket compared to all those who've ever died. So if this place really just pulled people in completely at random, from any time period - including after a person's death - then not only would it be wildly unlikely for any of us to have any connection to each other, but the ratio of people who've died to those who are still alive should be massively in favor of the dead. But that's not the case at all.
So whatever is behind our being brought here, it's not entirely random at all. There's a bias toward the living, and a bias towards people who have some connection to each other. It seems like ideally both would be present, but sometimes only one or the other will do. And maybe, rarely, there are complete exceptions - someone dead in their own time with no connection to anyone here.
That's a lot of words and theorizing just to acknowledge that you're probably right, but...you're also right about it probably not being too likely. Not one of us has met a dead person from our pasts here yet that I know of, and that's a lot of time and a lot of chances spread out across a pretty decent number of people. It's definitely not common.
[Claude meets his gaze briefly.] The question is, are you hoping to see him here, or are you hoping to avoid that?
"I don't mind." Glenn barks a brief laugh as Claude sits. "'Well after my time?' Flames, you're making me sound like just some name in a history book with all that."
He listens, though, without interruption. By the time Claude finishes, Glenn's looking at him with an arched brow.
"Deserved better than what, exactly? I died protecting my prince, and he survived. What else could I have wanted out of my own death? If I hadn't given everything I had to ensure his safety, I would be disgusted with myself."
He shrugs. It is a lot, and having to piece it all together from the perspectives of a bunch of people who know Felix and his friends but were unwilling to tell him everything has truly tested his patience. But wallowing over bad news never helped anyone, and the news absolutely could have been much worse.
"It is what it is. Although people have been awfully cagey about catching me up on things. Our old man didn't mention a single word of it. Tch, did he really think I couldn't handle it?" Glenn shakes his head. "And everyone's been glad to tell me all the wonderful things they like about my brother, but no one has told me what's changed. All I know is that he was inexplicably never knighted, he had an unthinkable falling out with Dimitri, and he's never mentioned me to anyone who didn't already know who I was."
He turns to pin Claude with a level gaze--blue and steady, like Rodrigue's, rather than Felix's piercing amber. "I know Felix. Everything that happened in Duscur would have devastated him beyond coping. He's the most sensitive soul I've ever known, and he deals poorly with separation and loss. Very poorly."
"So tell me, Claude von Riegan. You seem to know more than most. Are you going to walk on eggshells with me, too, or are you going to do me the courtesy of a real answer?"
"Real answers," Claude says, with barely a moment's hesitation. Just listening to Glenn, even in this short span of time, has told him enough of Glenn's personality to gauge his approach going forward. This is a man who doesn't flinch from the truth, and has no patience for hedging or lies. Claude can see why Felix would find himself insecure, faced with a brotherly legacy like this - to hold such resolve that he can honestly say he doesn't regret his own death, if it meant protecting Dimitri, even after the fact? This is a man with the strength of folded steel. Felix has that as well, of course, but Glenn also has a composure and cool-headedness that Felix is still aspiring to. Not to mention Glenn's clarity of purpose...although, of course, Glenn never had any horrors in his own life to shake that purpose to its core. Glenn might have fractured in his own ways, had Felix been the one to die a traumatic death and Glenn had to listen to people praise it.
Claude knows he can never compare Felix to Glenn. He's perhaps one of the few people who not only never has, but until now literally couldn't. But he wonders if Felix would mind if he compared Glenn to *him*.
Speculation for another time, however. For now, Claude promised Glenn answers.
"I didn't meet Felix until we attended Garreg Mach together, and even then, we were in different houses. We didn't become close until arriving in this place, actually. So I can't say I have much in the way of first-hand knowledge. Most of what I know is what I've heard from Felix himself, or of other people who know him better, but I'll tell you what I can." He looks out over the water. "Felix loved you and looked up to you a lot. But to him, you were his brother first, and a knight second. So while I don't think he could ever fault you for saving Dimitri - not when Dimitri means so much to him, too - losing you in the Tragedy was crushing.
"Your father took comfort in the fact that you died doing your duty, and what you were able to protect in doing it. But what Felix heard - from Rodrigue first, and then I'm sure from a bunch of other people - was people treating your death as some noble, knightly aspiration. That was so far from the horror and grief he felt over it, so completely not any kind of consolation to him, that it completely reversed his opinion of knighthood itself. He hates the whole idea, now - that any death should be a duty, or that any way of dying should be lauded like an accomplishment. Maybe part of it is disgust that people chalk your sacrifice up to knightly ideals, as though being a knight is what made you who you are rather than your personality shaping your knighthood and your actions as one. It's not your sacrifice, or the concept of self-sacrifice, that he hates; I think he'd lay down his life for Dimitri just as readily as you did. He hates the culture of it. That people are encouraged and lauded to lay down their lives, not because they couldn't help it or their hearts dictated it, but because some system of thinking has taught them that it's their duty to. I think losing you woke him up to just how horrific even just one sacrifice like that can be, and I get the sense that a lot of the time he feels like the only person questioning the ghoulishness of a culture of self-sacrifice.
"It drove a massive wedge between Rodrigue and Felix, too. Their responses to your death were so different that they clashed completely. Worse, it was compounded by some well-meaning but poor decisions on Rodrigue's part. He wanted to help the severely traumatized Dimitri, and Felix was furious with him, so he went to Fhirdiad to look after Dimitri...and left Felix in Fraldarius territory, alone, to grieve. So Felix ended up feeling abandoned, separated from the best friend he was as worried about as anyone while also feeling like he was less important to Rodrigue than Dimitri was, still seething with Rodrigue over treating any part of your death as good and then the abandonment, and suddenly crushed under the expectations of being the next in line for being duke...and feeling like everyone was viewing him through your shadow. He got incredibly angry and defensive - way more likely to snap at someone than cry. He's been mellowing out over the years, but a lot of times he's still so sharp you can cut yourself on him. Or he'll cut you for his own part, sometimes even when he doesn't mean to. He's getting better at reining it in, though."
He glances sidelong at Glenn. "As for how he fell out with Dimitri for awhile...when they were fifteen, Dimitri and Felix were sent into Sreng for their first real battle. But Dimitri's trauma from the Tragedy...it ran deep. Deeper than anyone probably knew until they put him on a battlefield again for the first time since then. He lost control of himself...pretty completely. I haven't talked to him much about his time in Sreng, so I can't say it for sure, but I know he's hallucinated since then, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was barely aware of what was real or not. I think Sreng was the first time Felix got to see Dimitri again after the Tragedy, and...well, what Felix saw was an unhinged man, ruthlessly cutting people down in a fury. He was horrified and disgusted, and when Dimitri was off the battlefield again and regained control of himself...well, Felix didn't trust it. He thought the blood-soaked beast from Sreng was the real Dimitri, and that Dimitri was just putting on some kind of veneer. It was a lot more complex than that, but Felix doesn't necessarily think things through...especially when he's angry. Dimitri's violent side is all trauma, his mind dragging him back to the horrors of that day he watched his friends and family be slaughtered around him, and the rage he felt at their killers. The real Dimitri is the person he is when he's not terrified and enraged. And he's gotten that much more under control - in my time, he's pretty much conquered it. The Dimitri here is from...a little earlier than that, but even he's made incredible progress. And Felix, after years of brooding and refusing to believe that Dimitri isn't secretly a monster, has come around to seeing that, and made up with him."
He cocks an eyebrow at Glenn. "I trust that's all the honesty you could possibly want. It's also a lot of talking from me, which usually Felix doesn't have the patience for, but if everyone else has kept you waiting on answers, I figure I should get straight to them."
Oh, I'm fond of breaking big ones, too. But you're right. [Claude smiles up at him.] This is exactly the kind of thing I like.
[He reaches out to take that soft petal from Dimitri's hand...only to set it aside, so he can take that outstretched hand instead.] I bet you've been working on teaching yourself how to make these for awhile, haven't you? [His eyes are soft as he gazes into Dimitri's.] It must have been hard.
[Oh - well. Dimitri supposes this is more than good as well, as he slides his fingers against Claude's and feels at ease. This sort of thing should be for Claude, not himself, but it's hard to feel any different.]
I had a good teacher - Silkie was more than happy to do that sort of thing alongside me, and her hands are good for such a task. [And, you know, the psychic energy] Despite that, it still took me practicing throughout the entire month, when I was not making wooden swords...
But if it makes you happy, I would have spent all the more time on it.
After the mess that was the meeting in the park, Geralt had been thinking things over. Brooding, probably, if you asked Jaskier, but this is a situation that perhaps merits the rumination. And, after some time to let tempers cool, he is able to brood objectively about what had been said. His conversation with Claude had started off reasonably well, considering that it had been on the topic of horses and wyvern, something that they had mutual interest in, but had gone to shit by the end. Not quite as badly as things had gone to shit between Claude and Jaskier, though, to be fair, there was far less to lose.
The crux of it is thus-- Claude hadn't been wrong in chafing under Geralt's unfair expectations of him. And though they had parted with Claude no longer angry at him, he has learned that not being angry isn't the same as having a matter resolved. Leaving things as they are is like leaving a task half-finished.
The course forward, then, is simple enough. He will need to speak to Claude and give him an apology, as he had to give Jaskier an apology after his poor behavior on the Mountain. Though Geralt is no better with words than he had been in the past, Claude is much the same as Jaskier in that he needs words-- this isn't the kind of apology that can be given as he would with his brothers, where they'd scrap over it and a black eye or bloody nose later, everything would be fine again.
He goes to the house that Claude shares with the other members of his... harem traveling party, arriving in the morning, but late enough that most people should be up and about at their days. He shouldn't be drawing anyone out of their beds at this hour-- and he also would prefer it if Felix and the rest were already out for their training. They undoubtedly would know about what had transpired, but Geralt preferred to catch Claude by himself.
It bodes well, then, that Claude answers the door.
"Claude," he says, which is about as close to a greeting as you get with Geralt. "If you've time, I'd like to speak with you."
Despite the fact that Claude hadn't had any solid expectations for anything in particular when he'd opened the door, finding Geralt there somehow defies expectation anyway. He stares at the man for a moment, certainly as visibly taken aback as Geralt has ever seen him - except, perhaps, during the Jaskier outburst.
At least this surprise isn't unpleasant, however. Just - surprising.
It takes a moment for Claude to set his shock aside, but he recovers well. After a moment, he smiles. "Well, that has to be a first." It's more light-hearted (if somewhat sardonic, in that it's based on their mutual awareness that Geralt would usually prefer not to speak with Claude) humor than it is any kind of dig; Claude himself certainly seems amused, if he's anything.
With subtle body language that Geralt has no trouble picking up on, Claude indicates him back from the door so that Claude can himself step outside, shutting the door behind him. Then he looks up at Geralt, clearly curious. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"
Claude had, for a momentary split second, wondered if Geralt had come to talk to him about something related to what happened between Claude and Jaskier - but he'd discarded that theory almost as quickly as he'd come up with it. No one involved - including Geralt - would ever choose Geralt to act as a middleman in that mess. But that just means Claude doesn't know what this is about.
Geralt steps back and Claude follows him, standing outside of the front door. They are doing this here, then, he assumes, and that's fine. It's as good a place as any. Claude doesn't appear to be upset at the fact that the witcher has shown up on his doorstep, though nor does he appear pleased, either-- and Geralt can no longer determine his mood through scent. His natural acting abilities would be able to conceal his emotions well enough. He dislikes this nose-blindness, having to navigate the intricacies of human interaction without, essentially, a way to cheat. A biological summation of, at least, the basics of what's going on in someone's head.
"This is not how I would normally do this," Geralt starts, and it's probably not the most auspicious beginning, but it's honest. "I'm not good with words. But you are..."
Like Jaskier, he almost says, but bites it back. It wouldn't be prudent to bring him up right now. The issue between Jaskier and Claude is their own, and he wouldn't have gotten in the middle of it even if Jaskier had asked him to. He's a bad choice for that, for one thing, and this isn't a situation that could be solved by a middleman. If Jaskier had more to say to Claude, he'd have to do it himself.
"The kind that needs them. So. Here I am, doing this with words."
God help all of them, really.
"I've thought about what you said to me at the park, and you were right." Geralt likes to think that he's gotten better at admitting when he's wrong. He's had practice at it, much to his chagrin. "I've held you to a standard that I wouldn't have held Felix or Dimitri to. It's unfair. I had no right to demand trust from you and then penalize you when I didn't get it how I wanted. I am not owed what I haven't offered."
He had been similarly unfair in the past-- he owned up to it, eventually, and he owns up to this now. It's progress of a sort, that he acknowledges his mistakes more readily. And no one even had to get yelled at on a mountain this time.
"I'm sorry. For how I treated you." Geralt shifts his weight, a small sign of discomfort. He doesn't usually speak this much about anything that doesn't involve monsters, a contract, or possibly horses. "You didn't deserve it."
Claude continues to look surprised throughout Geralt's apology, simply blinking at him until it's finished. But then his expression softens, and he smiles - and it's the most genuine smile Geralt's ever seen him wear. Rarely does anyone outside the group Claude travels with see his expression so unguarded.
"...thank you, Geralt. I honestly hadn't expected an apology, so - it means a lot that you went out of your way to give me one. Especially one delivered in a way you're openly not comfortable with, just because you wanted to give it to me in a way I'd appreciate best...and when you've got no obligation to keep interacting with me at all, now that I'm not really on Jaskier's periphery anymore. Even if you're just doing this because it's what you feel is right, as opposed to for my personal benefit...I admire what that says about you."
He extends a hand for a shake. "Apology accepted, with gratitude."
That you'd practice all month to make us things like this is so sweet that anyone would be happy. [Claude naturally assumes Dimitri would never leave out his other boyfriends for Garland Moon, and he's probably correct in that. Dimitri would never let any of them feel slighted.] Do you still have some flowers left?
Oh, now that is high praise coming from Felix. [And for a moment, Claude's eyes dance in that old, familiar way. It's been a lot rarer than usual recently, but clearly the warmth and amusement of this is bringing back some of that light his lovers are so fond of.] I'll probably wear mine for the rest of the day, so I can't blame him at all.
[And Claude rises to his feet, keeping Dimitri's hand in his.] But good. Let's go find Silkie. [He smiles at Dimitri.] I need to learn how to make one for you.
Claude is handsome, when he smiles. There is something softer in his face than any time he's spoken to Geralt before, as though his stilted apology has value, and that's... good? He doesn't really know what to do with this, people don't look at him softly very often. This isn't how apologies usually go, there's usually more yelling and possibly black eyes involved.
The apology is accepted, at least, so he's done one thing right today. Claude holds out his hand for a shake and Geralt takes it, giving it a brisk one-two sort of pump and then letting go. He still would've preferred the way that he normally sorted out problems with brothers-- just having a scrap and then letting things resolve themselves from there-- but this at least involves fewer bloody noses.
The part about not being on Jaskier's periphery hits a little strangely, though, with all that's happened.
"I wasn't aware of what he felt, or that it would come to light as it did." The outburst, the abrupt ending of their particular relationship. He had been under the impression that Claude and Jaskier got along just fine, not that there was something brewing under the surface.
[Ah... There it is, and Dimitri's smile grows all the warmer to match that look in Claude's eyes. It's been a wretched thing, to see Claude so withdrawn... Not only because Dimitri loves how beautiful he looks this way, happy and brilliant, but because it means Claude is happy.]
[And Claude deserves to be the happiest man on earth.]
Oh? You are? [Dimitri seems to expand with happiness, becoming even more himself than he normally is.[ Then I will gladly wear it, should you give it to me.
[He adjusts himself against Claude, their arms together, until he's in a position to properly escort him... even if it's only a few steps to his own room.]
Fortunately for both of them, Glenn has a lot more patience than Felix does. He listens quietly with no interruptions. Certain details make his brow furrow, particularly hearing about Felix's problems with Rodrigue and Dimitri's unchecked violence and hallucinations.
Once Claude's finally finished, Glenn nods. "And I appreciate it. I asked for all that talking from you, I'd be a hypocrite to complain about it." He sighs heavily. "It's hard to imagine Felix the way you're describing him. Angry and defensive, sure--he's always been that way. A little kettle just boiling over with every emotion you could name. But sharp? Goddess. If you could have seen the Felix I know. He's like an adorable, fluffy kitten."
Then he shakes his head and groans. "I can't believe the old man left him alone. He absolutely should have known better. Leaving my brother alone is just about the fastest way to get him crying. Things really must have been dire for our father to resort to that. But you know?" Glenn looks up at the sky. "For all that this tale is disheartening to hear, I'm proud of Felix for thinking for himself. Forming his own beliefs and sticking to them, no matter what. That's how I've always hoped he'd grow up. What I tried to teach him. So I'm glad he took the lesson to heart, even if it had to be tested in blood and fire."
He frowns. "As for the little prince, I can't say I blame Felix for a reaction like that. Thinking of Dimitri that way is impossible. The Dimitri I know is the sweetest child Fodlan's ever seen. Don't get me wrong, he's a true Faerghan warrior down to his core; no one would ever fault him for lacking in bravery or honor. But we're talking about a child who's afraid to pet the hunting hounds for fear he'll accidentally hurt them. Bends over backwards to cheer Felix up when he's upset."
His face relaxes into a smile, then. "It's good to hear they reconciled. Felix must have been heartbroken, all that time. You should see the way he practically worships the ground Dimitri walks on. I'd have put even odds on him falling for either him or Sylvain when he was old enough. And from what Sylvain accidentally told me when I ran into him back at their house, he ended up the lucky fellow."
Glenn turns back to look at Claude. "But Sylvain's always been good at pretending everything's fine even if it isn't. It's why it took us so long to figure out--well, that's his business to tell, not mine. The point is, I could tell he wasn't exactly the same boy I remember. Do you happen to know anything about that? Or about Ingrid...mm. Wish she were here so I could see for myself."
Then his eyes narrow slightly, in a way very reminiscent of the way Felix's do when he's wary or suspicious. "And how exactly do you know so much about my brother, anyway?"
The handshake is exactly what Claude would have expected from Geralt, so he's perfectly content with what it is. It's mostly just meant to be a sort of physical affirmation that things are settled and this is behind them now. For Claude, it had already been largely smoothed over; having said what he needed to say to Geralt, and without Geralt repeating the offense, that had been the end of it for him. Geralt had apparently needed to chew on it, though, acknowledge his shortcomings(a very admirable trait, to Claude), and get a more proper closure by actually addressing what happened. And Claude's got no objections to that; even if he'd let the matter go, there had been some ragged edges to the wound, and this allows them to heal smoothly where otherwise there might have been at least some form of scar. Geralt wasn't the only one who got something out of closing this more neatly.
At the mention of Jaskier - at the opening of the subject, as opposed to merely the offhand mention of it - Claude folds his arms over his chest, and the smile on his lips becomes a bit more distant in undefinable ways. "That makes two of us. I apologized to him for...whatever effect I had on his relationship with you. And it feels like I definitely had some significant effect, if he went so far as to hide it from our entire group just to - I don't know, prove some kind of point to me. And if his first reaction to realizing the cat was out of the bag was not to bask in the congratulations and his happiness, but to get angry about what I said, or might say. I honestly have no idea what I said or did to annoy him so much that his romantic nature took a backseat to that kind of thing...it certainly wasn't intentional. It wasn't even something I sensed."
He sighs. "But...I feel like I owe an apology to you for that, too. For...whatever I did that had him acting so unlike himself. For any souring of the happiness you two find in each other, even the smallest amount." His lips thin a bit. "Jaskier insisted it was egotistical of me to think I had any effect at all, but given how things turned out, and how something that we should have all been celebrating turned into - what it did, I'd say I did more than enough harm to apologize for. So...I really am sorry, Geralt. I still don't know what happened, but I know that you don't deserve any of the fallout from this."
He unfolds a hand from over his chest to run it through his hair. "All I ever wanted was for both of you to be happy, and I don't know where or how that went as wrong as this. I know you both are happy still, and have a lot to be happy about, and it would be egotistical to think I've somehow ruined that because I'm frankly not that major a factor, but...I wanted to facilitate your happiness, not complicate it. It's reasonable to apologize for the effect being so far off from the intent, isn't it?"
Of course. How could I let my lover go without a garland for Garland Moon? [Claude squeezes his arm, smiling up at him.] I might need to make them for the others, too...unless you think I'd be stealing your thunder by doing that. [He grins.] Only you know how jealous Felix gets. Remember when I didn't write him a note for Christmas?
Oh, I remember. Sometimes I wonder if he knows whose attention he wants the most. The only difficulty would be them trying to decide which garland to wear... Or wearing multiple ones at the same time.
[Dimitri grins, endeared at the mental image, before he opens the door to his room.]
[Things are already set out and prepared: a blanket spread out on the floor, a small pile of roses gathered, and various other things that make garland weaving all the easier. Silvie clearly prepared all of it, as she gives a little bow to the two of them as they enter. She looks incredibly pleased with herself.]
Ah! Thank you Silkie. Did you hear us coming down the hall?
[Silkie just tilts her head to the side and smiles. Sure! Something like that!]
Dimitri. [There's laughter in Claude's voice, which he lowers to a stage whisper.] She's a psychic type.
[She can definitely, say, pick up on their thoughts from a couple rooms over, probably. Especially if they mention her by name.
He grins at Silkie.] So, mind giving me a flower crown lesson so I can make sure your trainer is appropriately adorned? You did such a great job teaching Dimitri.
[Claude is aware of Silkie's temper, and this is absolutely shameless buttering up. Which, because she's a psychic type, she probably knows. But a guy who cares about Silkie's trainer as much as Claude does, who knows how to be properly fearful respectful to Silkie? Claude doesn't think she's going to object to him, just because his play for her favor might be deliberate. Not having the manners or sense to make a play for her favor - as though anyone who wants to be close to Dimitri might not need Silkie's favor - could well be more offensive to her.]
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Date: 2021-06-28 05:08 am (UTC)When he sees Dimitri, though, any tension floods right out of him again as he relaxes. Despite having been hurt by him once, that Dimitri would ever hurt him again - would ever even want to hurt him again - is beyond all possibility to Claude. There aren't many people he trusts implicitly, but Dimitri is one of them.
So he gets a smile, even as Claude reaches an exploratory hand up to find out just what is on his head with his fingers.] Dimitri? What's this - ?
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Date: 2021-06-28 05:18 am (UTC)[But to see that form relax at the sight of him... That is something as well, he supposes.]
Have you been keeping track of the months, as they'd be known in Fodlan, Claude...?
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Date: 2021-06-28 06:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-06-28 05:25 pm (UTC)[Dimitri reaches down into his pockets, searches for a very particular soft texture. All month, he's been practicing this, and the results haven't always come out well. Even with his Blaiddyd strength gone, well, it has been difficult. Leaves have fallen off, stems have snapped, and it's been quite a trial.]
[So it's no surprise that, for all that he has his prizes now woven together properly, he still has some things left behind as a sign of all that effort... and one of them would be the single and brilliantly white petal he holds out in his palm.]
It is Garland Moon.
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Date: 2021-06-29 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-06-29 07:55 am (UTC)As for the timing... [Dimitri ducks his head slightly, embarrassed.] It was simply that I only recently gained the ability to make garlands like this properly.
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Date: 2021-06-29 12:30 pm (UTC)So whatever is behind our being brought here, it's not entirely random at all. There's a bias toward the living, and a bias towards people who have some connection to each other. It seems like ideally both would be present, but sometimes only one or the other will do. And maybe, rarely, there are complete exceptions - someone dead in their own time with no connection to anyone here.
That's a lot of words and theorizing just to acknowledge that you're probably right, but...you're also right about it probably not being too likely. Not one of us has met a dead person from our pasts here yet that I know of, and that's a lot of time and a lot of chances spread out across a pretty decent number of people. It's definitely not common.
[Claude meets his gaze briefly.] The question is, are you hoping to see him here, or are you hoping to avoid that?
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Date: 2021-06-30 11:24 am (UTC)He listens, though, without interruption. By the time Claude finishes, Glenn's looking at him with an arched brow.
"Deserved better than what, exactly? I died protecting my prince, and he survived. What else could I have wanted out of my own death? If I hadn't given everything I had to ensure his safety, I would be disgusted with myself."
He shrugs. It is a lot, and having to piece it all together from the perspectives of a bunch of people who know Felix and his friends but were unwilling to tell him everything has truly tested his patience. But wallowing over bad news never helped anyone, and the news absolutely could have been much worse.
"It is what it is. Although people have been awfully cagey about catching me up on things. Our old man didn't mention a single word of it. Tch, did he really think I couldn't handle it?" Glenn shakes his head. "And everyone's been glad to tell me all the wonderful things they like about my brother, but no one has told me what's changed. All I know is that he was inexplicably never knighted, he had an unthinkable falling out with Dimitri, and he's never mentioned me to anyone who didn't already know who I was."
He turns to pin Claude with a level gaze--blue and steady, like Rodrigue's, rather than Felix's piercing amber. "I know Felix. Everything that happened in Duscur would have devastated him beyond coping. He's the most sensitive soul I've ever known, and he deals poorly with separation and loss. Very poorly."
"So tell me, Claude von Riegan. You seem to know more than most. Are you going to walk on eggshells with me, too, or are you going to do me the courtesy of a real answer?"
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Date: 2021-06-30 02:26 pm (UTC)Claude knows he can never compare Felix to Glenn. He's perhaps one of the few people who not only never has, but until now literally couldn't. But he wonders if Felix would mind if he compared Glenn to *him*.
Speculation for another time, however. For now, Claude promised Glenn answers.
"I didn't meet Felix until we attended Garreg Mach together, and even then, we were in different houses. We didn't become close until arriving in this place, actually. So I can't say I have much in the way of first-hand knowledge. Most of what I know is what I've heard from Felix himself, or of other people who know him better, but I'll tell you what I can." He looks out over the water. "Felix loved you and looked up to you a lot. But to him, you were his brother first, and a knight second. So while I don't think he could ever fault you for saving Dimitri - not when Dimitri means so much to him, too - losing you in the Tragedy was crushing.
"Your father took comfort in the fact that you died doing your duty, and what you were able to protect in doing it. But what Felix heard - from Rodrigue first, and then I'm sure from a bunch of other people - was people treating your death as some noble, knightly aspiration. That was so far from the horror and grief he felt over it, so completely not any kind of consolation to him, that it completely reversed his opinion of knighthood itself. He hates the whole idea, now - that any death should be a duty, or that any way of dying should be lauded like an accomplishment. Maybe part of it is disgust that people chalk your sacrifice up to knightly ideals, as though being a knight is what made you who you are rather than your personality shaping your knighthood and your actions as one. It's not your sacrifice, or the concept of self-sacrifice, that he hates; I think he'd lay down his life for Dimitri just as readily as you did. He hates the culture of it. That people are encouraged and lauded to lay down their lives, not because they couldn't help it or their hearts dictated it, but because some system of thinking has taught them that it's their duty to. I think losing you woke him up to just how horrific even just one sacrifice like that can be, and I get the sense that a lot of the time he feels like the only person questioning the ghoulishness of a culture of self-sacrifice.
"It drove a massive wedge between Rodrigue and Felix, too. Their responses to your death were so different that they clashed completely. Worse, it was compounded by some well-meaning but poor decisions on Rodrigue's part. He wanted to help the severely traumatized Dimitri, and Felix was furious with him, so he went to Fhirdiad to look after Dimitri...and left Felix in Fraldarius territory, alone, to grieve. So Felix ended up feeling abandoned, separated from the best friend he was as worried about as anyone while also feeling like he was less important to Rodrigue than Dimitri was, still seething with Rodrigue over treating any part of your death as good and then the abandonment, and suddenly crushed under the expectations of being the next in line for being duke...and feeling like everyone was viewing him through your shadow. He got incredibly angry and defensive - way more likely to snap at someone than cry. He's been mellowing out over the years, but a lot of times he's still so sharp you can cut yourself on him. Or he'll cut you for his own part, sometimes even when he doesn't mean to. He's getting better at reining it in, though."
He glances sidelong at Glenn. "As for how he fell out with Dimitri for awhile...when they were fifteen, Dimitri and Felix were sent into Sreng for their first real battle. But Dimitri's trauma from the Tragedy...it ran deep. Deeper than anyone probably knew until they put him on a battlefield again for the first time since then. He lost control of himself...pretty completely. I haven't talked to him much about his time in Sreng, so I can't say it for sure, but I know he's hallucinated since then, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was barely aware of what was real or not. I think Sreng was the first time Felix got to see Dimitri again after the Tragedy, and...well, what Felix saw was an unhinged man, ruthlessly cutting people down in a fury. He was horrified and disgusted, and when Dimitri was off the battlefield again and regained control of himself...well, Felix didn't trust it. He thought the blood-soaked beast from Sreng was the real Dimitri, and that Dimitri was just putting on some kind of veneer. It was a lot more complex than that, but Felix doesn't necessarily think things through...especially when he's angry. Dimitri's violent side is all trauma, his mind dragging him back to the horrors of that day he watched his friends and family be slaughtered around him, and the rage he felt at their killers. The real Dimitri is the person he is when he's not terrified and enraged. And he's gotten that much more under control - in my time, he's pretty much conquered it. The Dimitri here is from...a little earlier than that, but even he's made incredible progress. And Felix, after years of brooding and refusing to believe that Dimitri isn't secretly a monster, has come around to seeing that, and made up with him."
He cocks an eyebrow at Glenn. "I trust that's all the honesty you could possibly want. It's also a lot of talking from me, which usually Felix doesn't have the patience for, but if everyone else has kept you waiting on answers, I figure I should get straight to them."
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Date: 2021-07-10 04:17 am (UTC)[He reaches out to take that soft petal from Dimitri's hand...only to set it aside, so he can take that outstretched hand instead.] I bet you've been working on teaching yourself how to make these for awhile, haven't you? [His eyes are soft as he gazes into Dimitri's.] It must have been hard.
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Date: 2021-07-10 08:36 pm (UTC)I had a good teacher - Silkie was more than happy to do that sort of thing alongside me, and her hands are good for such a task. [And, you know, the psychic energy] Despite that, it still took me practicing throughout the entire month, when I was not making wooden swords...
But if it makes you happy, I would have spent all the more time on it.
a few days after the 4th wall debacle
Date: 2021-07-11 11:39 pm (UTC)The crux of it is thus-- Claude hadn't been wrong in chafing under Geralt's unfair expectations of him. And though they had parted with Claude no longer angry at him, he has learned that not being angry isn't the same as having a matter resolved. Leaving things as they are is like leaving a task half-finished.
The course forward, then, is simple enough. He will need to speak to Claude and give him an apology, as he had to give Jaskier an apology after his poor behavior on the Mountain. Though Geralt is no better with words than he had been in the past, Claude is much the same as Jaskier in that he needs words-- this isn't the kind of apology that can be given as he would with his brothers, where they'd scrap over it and a black eye or bloody nose later, everything would be fine again.
He goes to the house that Claude shares with the other members of his...
haremtraveling party, arriving in the morning, but late enough that most people should be up and about at their days. He shouldn't be drawing anyone out of their beds at this hour-- and he also would prefer it if Felix and the rest were already out for their training. They undoubtedly would know about what had transpired, but Geralt preferred to catch Claude by himself.It bodes well, then, that Claude answers the door.
"Claude," he says, which is about as close to a greeting as you get with Geralt. "If you've time, I'd like to speak with you."
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Date: 2021-07-12 12:01 am (UTC)At least this surprise isn't unpleasant, however. Just - surprising.
It takes a moment for Claude to set his shock aside, but he recovers well. After a moment, he smiles. "Well, that has to be a first." It's more light-hearted (if somewhat sardonic, in that it's based on their mutual awareness that Geralt would usually prefer not to speak with Claude) humor than it is any kind of dig; Claude himself certainly seems amused, if he's anything.
With subtle body language that Geralt has no trouble picking up on, Claude indicates him back from the door so that Claude can himself step outside, shutting the door behind him. Then he looks up at Geralt, clearly curious. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"
Claude had, for a momentary split second, wondered if Geralt had come to talk to him about something related to what happened between Claude and Jaskier - but he'd discarded that theory almost as quickly as he'd come up with it. No one involved - including Geralt - would ever choose Geralt to act as a middleman in that mess. But that just means Claude doesn't know what this is about.
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Date: 2021-07-12 08:45 pm (UTC)"This is not how I would normally do this," Geralt starts, and it's probably not the most auspicious beginning, but it's honest. "I'm not good with words. But you are..."
Like Jaskier, he almost says, but bites it back. It wouldn't be prudent to bring him up right now. The issue between Jaskier and Claude is their own, and he wouldn't have gotten in the middle of it even if Jaskier had asked him to. He's a bad choice for that, for one thing, and this isn't a situation that could be solved by a middleman. If Jaskier had more to say to Claude, he'd have to do it himself.
"The kind that needs them. So. Here I am, doing this with words."
God help all of them, really.
"I've thought about what you said to me at the park, and you were right." Geralt likes to think that he's gotten better at admitting when he's wrong. He's had practice at it, much to his chagrin. "I've held you to a standard that I wouldn't have held Felix or Dimitri to. It's unfair. I had no right to demand trust from you and then penalize you when I didn't get it how I wanted. I am not owed what I haven't offered."
He had been similarly unfair in the past-- he owned up to it, eventually, and he owns up to this now. It's progress of a sort, that he acknowledges his mistakes more readily. And no one even had to get yelled at on a mountain this time.
"I'm sorry. For how I treated you." Geralt shifts his weight, a small sign of discomfort. He doesn't usually speak this much about anything that doesn't involve monsters, a contract, or possibly horses. "You didn't deserve it."
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Date: 2021-07-12 10:11 pm (UTC)"...thank you, Geralt. I honestly hadn't expected an apology, so - it means a lot that you went out of your way to give me one. Especially one delivered in a way you're openly not comfortable with, just because you wanted to give it to me in a way I'd appreciate best...and when you've got no obligation to keep interacting with me at all, now that I'm not really on Jaskier's periphery anymore. Even if you're just doing this because it's what you feel is right, as opposed to for my personal benefit...I admire what that says about you."
He extends a hand for a shake. "Apology accepted, with gratitude."
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Date: 2021-07-12 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 10:41 pm (UTC)[And that is a victory Dimitri will savor for a long time. For that Felix, to ignore the training between them that he so adores? It means a lot.]
And ah, yes, I do. I thought that it would be good to have spares, in case I ruined more flowers.
[Always a concern.]
no subject
Date: 2021-07-12 10:57 pm (UTC)[And Claude rises to his feet, keeping Dimitri's hand in his.] But good. Let's go find Silkie. [He smiles at Dimitri.] I need to learn how to make one for you.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-13 01:30 pm (UTC)The apology is accepted, at least, so he's done one thing right today. Claude holds out his hand for a shake and Geralt takes it, giving it a brisk one-two sort of pump and then letting go. He still would've preferred the way that he normally sorted out problems with brothers-- just having a scrap and then letting things resolve themselves from there-- but this at least involves fewer bloody noses.
The part about not being on Jaskier's periphery hits a little strangely, though, with all that's happened.
"I wasn't aware of what he felt, or that it would come to light as it did." The outburst, the abrupt ending of their particular relationship. He had been under the impression that Claude and Jaskier got along just fine, not that there was something brewing under the surface.
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Date: 2021-07-14 02:00 am (UTC)[And Claude deserves to be the happiest man on earth.]
Oh? You are? [Dimitri seems to expand with happiness, becoming even more himself than he normally is.[ Then I will gladly wear it, should you give it to me.
[He adjusts himself against Claude, their arms together, until he's in a position to properly escort him... even if it's only a few steps to his own room.]
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Date: 2021-07-14 09:03 pm (UTC)Once Claude's finally finished, Glenn nods. "And I appreciate it. I asked for all that talking from you, I'd be a hypocrite to complain about it." He sighs heavily. "It's hard to imagine Felix the way you're describing him. Angry and defensive, sure--he's always been that way. A little kettle just boiling over with every emotion you could name. But sharp? Goddess. If you could have seen the Felix I know. He's like an adorable, fluffy kitten."
Then he shakes his head and groans. "I can't believe the old man left him alone. He absolutely should have known better. Leaving my brother alone is just about the fastest way to get him crying. Things really must have been dire for our father to resort to that. But you know?" Glenn looks up at the sky. "For all that this tale is disheartening to hear, I'm proud of Felix for thinking for himself. Forming his own beliefs and sticking to them, no matter what. That's how I've always hoped he'd grow up. What I tried to teach him. So I'm glad he took the lesson to heart, even if it had to be tested in blood and fire."
He frowns. "As for the little prince, I can't say I blame Felix for a reaction like that. Thinking of Dimitri that way is impossible. The Dimitri I know is the sweetest child Fodlan's ever seen. Don't get me wrong, he's a true Faerghan warrior down to his core; no one would ever fault him for lacking in bravery or honor. But we're talking about a child who's afraid to pet the hunting hounds for fear he'll accidentally hurt them. Bends over backwards to cheer Felix up when he's upset."
His face relaxes into a smile, then. "It's good to hear they reconciled. Felix must have been heartbroken, all that time. You should see the way he practically worships the ground Dimitri walks on. I'd have put even odds on him falling for either him or Sylvain when he was old enough. And from what Sylvain accidentally told me when I ran into him back at their house, he ended up the lucky fellow."
Glenn turns back to look at Claude. "But Sylvain's always been good at pretending everything's fine even if it isn't. It's why it took us so long to figure out--well, that's his business to tell, not mine. The point is, I could tell he wasn't exactly the same boy I remember. Do you happen to know anything about that? Or about Ingrid...mm. Wish she were here so I could see for myself."
Then his eyes narrow slightly, in a way very reminiscent of the way Felix's do when he's wary or suspicious. "And how exactly do you know so much about my brother, anyway?"
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Date: 2021-07-15 10:21 am (UTC)The handshake is exactly what Claude would have expected from Geralt, so he's perfectly content with what it is. It's mostly just meant to be a sort of physical affirmation that things are settled and this is behind them now. For Claude, it had already been largely smoothed over; having said what he needed to say to Geralt, and without Geralt repeating the offense, that had been the end of it for him. Geralt had apparently needed to chew on it, though, acknowledge his shortcomings(a very admirable trait, to Claude), and get a more proper closure by actually addressing what happened. And Claude's got no objections to that; even if he'd let the matter go, there had been some ragged edges to the wound, and this allows them to heal smoothly where otherwise there might have been at least some form of scar. Geralt wasn't the only one who got something out of closing this more neatly.
At the mention of Jaskier - at the opening of the subject, as opposed to merely the offhand mention of it - Claude folds his arms over his chest, and the smile on his lips becomes a bit more distant in undefinable ways. "That makes two of us. I apologized to him for...whatever effect I had on his relationship with you. And it feels like I definitely had some significant effect, if he went so far as to hide it from our entire group just to - I don't know, prove some kind of point to me. And if his first reaction to realizing the cat was out of the bag was not to bask in the congratulations and his happiness, but to get angry about what I said, or might say. I honestly have no idea what I said or did to annoy him so much that his romantic nature took a backseat to that kind of thing...it certainly wasn't intentional. It wasn't even something I sensed."
He sighs. "But...I feel like I owe an apology to you for that, too. For...whatever I did that had him acting so unlike himself. For any souring of the happiness you two find in each other, even the smallest amount." His lips thin a bit. "Jaskier insisted it was egotistical of me to think I had any effect at all, but given how things turned out, and how something that we should have all been celebrating turned into - what it did, I'd say I did more than enough harm to apologize for. So...I really am sorry, Geralt. I still don't know what happened, but I know that you don't deserve any of the fallout from this."
He unfolds a hand from over his chest to run it through his hair. "All I ever wanted was for both of you to be happy, and I don't know where or how that went as wrong as this. I know you both are happy still, and have a lot to be happy about, and it would be egotistical to think I've somehow ruined that because I'm frankly not that major a factor, but...I wanted to facilitate your happiness, not complicate it. It's reasonable to apologize for the effect being so far off from the intent, isn't it?"
no subject
Date: 2021-07-15 10:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-16 05:03 pm (UTC)[Dimitri grins, endeared at the mental image, before he opens the door to his room.]
[Things are already set out and prepared: a blanket spread out on the floor, a small pile of roses gathered, and various other things that make garland weaving all the easier. Silvie clearly prepared all of it, as she gives a little bow to the two of them as they enter. She looks incredibly pleased with herself.]
Ah! Thank you Silkie. Did you hear us coming down the hall?
[Silkie just tilts her head to the side and smiles. Sure! Something like that!]
no subject
Date: 2021-07-22 02:08 pm (UTC)[She can definitely, say, pick up on their thoughts from a couple rooms over, probably. Especially if they mention her by name.
He grins at Silkie.] So, mind giving me a flower crown lesson so I can make sure your trainer is appropriately adorned? You did such a great job teaching Dimitri.
[Claude is aware of Silkie's temper, and this is absolutely shameless buttering up. Which, because she's a psychic type, she probably knows. But a guy who cares about Silkie's trainer as much as Claude does, who knows how to be properly
fearfulrespectful to Silkie? Claude doesn't think she's going to object to him, just because his play for her favor might be deliberate. Not having the manners or sense to make a play for her favor - as though anyone who wants to be close to Dimitri might not need Silkie's favor - could well be more offensive to her.]