"Real answers," Claude says, with barely a moment's hesitation. Just listening to Glenn, even in this short span of time, has told him enough of Glenn's personality to gauge his approach going forward. This is a man who doesn't flinch from the truth, and has no patience for hedging or lies. Claude can see why Felix would find himself insecure, faced with a brotherly legacy like this - to hold such resolve that he can honestly say he doesn't regret his own death, if it meant protecting Dimitri, even after the fact? This is a man with the strength of folded steel. Felix has that as well, of course, but Glenn also has a composure and cool-headedness that Felix is still aspiring to. Not to mention Glenn's clarity of purpose...although, of course, Glenn never had any horrors in his own life to shake that purpose to its core. Glenn might have fractured in his own ways, had Felix been the one to die a traumatic death and Glenn had to listen to people praise it.
Claude knows he can never compare Felix to Glenn. He's perhaps one of the few people who not only never has, but until now literally couldn't. But he wonders if Felix would mind if he compared Glenn to *him*.
Speculation for another time, however. For now, Claude promised Glenn answers.
"I didn't meet Felix until we attended Garreg Mach together, and even then, we were in different houses. We didn't become close until arriving in this place, actually. So I can't say I have much in the way of first-hand knowledge. Most of what I know is what I've heard from Felix himself, or of other people who know him better, but I'll tell you what I can." He looks out over the water. "Felix loved you and looked up to you a lot. But to him, you were his brother first, and a knight second. So while I don't think he could ever fault you for saving Dimitri - not when Dimitri means so much to him, too - losing you in the Tragedy was crushing.
"Your father took comfort in the fact that you died doing your duty, and what you were able to protect in doing it. But what Felix heard - from Rodrigue first, and then I'm sure from a bunch of other people - was people treating your death as some noble, knightly aspiration. That was so far from the horror and grief he felt over it, so completely not any kind of consolation to him, that it completely reversed his opinion of knighthood itself. He hates the whole idea, now - that any death should be a duty, or that any way of dying should be lauded like an accomplishment. Maybe part of it is disgust that people chalk your sacrifice up to knightly ideals, as though being a knight is what made you who you are rather than your personality shaping your knighthood and your actions as one. It's not your sacrifice, or the concept of self-sacrifice, that he hates; I think he'd lay down his life for Dimitri just as readily as you did. He hates the culture of it. That people are encouraged and lauded to lay down their lives, not because they couldn't help it or their hearts dictated it, but because some system of thinking has taught them that it's their duty to. I think losing you woke him up to just how horrific even just one sacrifice like that can be, and I get the sense that a lot of the time he feels like the only person questioning the ghoulishness of a culture of self-sacrifice.
"It drove a massive wedge between Rodrigue and Felix, too. Their responses to your death were so different that they clashed completely. Worse, it was compounded by some well-meaning but poor decisions on Rodrigue's part. He wanted to help the severely traumatized Dimitri, and Felix was furious with him, so he went to Fhirdiad to look after Dimitri...and left Felix in Fraldarius territory, alone, to grieve. So Felix ended up feeling abandoned, separated from the best friend he was as worried about as anyone while also feeling like he was less important to Rodrigue than Dimitri was, still seething with Rodrigue over treating any part of your death as good and then the abandonment, and suddenly crushed under the expectations of being the next in line for being duke...and feeling like everyone was viewing him through your shadow. He got incredibly angry and defensive - way more likely to snap at someone than cry. He's been mellowing out over the years, but a lot of times he's still so sharp you can cut yourself on him. Or he'll cut you for his own part, sometimes even when he doesn't mean to. He's getting better at reining it in, though."
He glances sidelong at Glenn. "As for how he fell out with Dimitri for awhile...when they were fifteen, Dimitri and Felix were sent into Sreng for their first real battle. But Dimitri's trauma from the Tragedy...it ran deep. Deeper than anyone probably knew until they put him on a battlefield again for the first time since then. He lost control of himself...pretty completely. I haven't talked to him much about his time in Sreng, so I can't say it for sure, but I know he's hallucinated since then, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was barely aware of what was real or not. I think Sreng was the first time Felix got to see Dimitri again after the Tragedy, and...well, what Felix saw was an unhinged man, ruthlessly cutting people down in a fury. He was horrified and disgusted, and when Dimitri was off the battlefield again and regained control of himself...well, Felix didn't trust it. He thought the blood-soaked beast from Sreng was the real Dimitri, and that Dimitri was just putting on some kind of veneer. It was a lot more complex than that, but Felix doesn't necessarily think things through...especially when he's angry. Dimitri's violent side is all trauma, his mind dragging him back to the horrors of that day he watched his friends and family be slaughtered around him, and the rage he felt at their killers. The real Dimitri is the person he is when he's not terrified and enraged. And he's gotten that much more under control - in my time, he's pretty much conquered it. The Dimitri here is from...a little earlier than that, but even he's made incredible progress. And Felix, after years of brooding and refusing to believe that Dimitri isn't secretly a monster, has come around to seeing that, and made up with him."
He cocks an eyebrow at Glenn. "I trust that's all the honesty you could possibly want. It's also a lot of talking from me, which usually Felix doesn't have the patience for, but if everyone else has kept you waiting on answers, I figure I should get straight to them."
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Claude knows he can never compare Felix to Glenn. He's perhaps one of the few people who not only never has, but until now literally couldn't. But he wonders if Felix would mind if he compared Glenn to *him*.
Speculation for another time, however. For now, Claude promised Glenn answers.
"I didn't meet Felix until we attended Garreg Mach together, and even then, we were in different houses. We didn't become close until arriving in this place, actually. So I can't say I have much in the way of first-hand knowledge. Most of what I know is what I've heard from Felix himself, or of other people who know him better, but I'll tell you what I can." He looks out over the water. "Felix loved you and looked up to you a lot. But to him, you were his brother first, and a knight second. So while I don't think he could ever fault you for saving Dimitri - not when Dimitri means so much to him, too - losing you in the Tragedy was crushing.
"Your father took comfort in the fact that you died doing your duty, and what you were able to protect in doing it. But what Felix heard - from Rodrigue first, and then I'm sure from a bunch of other people - was people treating your death as some noble, knightly aspiration. That was so far from the horror and grief he felt over it, so completely not any kind of consolation to him, that it completely reversed his opinion of knighthood itself. He hates the whole idea, now - that any death should be a duty, or that any way of dying should be lauded like an accomplishment. Maybe part of it is disgust that people chalk your sacrifice up to knightly ideals, as though being a knight is what made you who you are rather than your personality shaping your knighthood and your actions as one. It's not your sacrifice, or the concept of self-sacrifice, that he hates; I think he'd lay down his life for Dimitri just as readily as you did. He hates the culture of it. That people are encouraged and lauded to lay down their lives, not because they couldn't help it or their hearts dictated it, but because some system of thinking has taught them that it's their duty to. I think losing you woke him up to just how horrific even just one sacrifice like that can be, and I get the sense that a lot of the time he feels like the only person questioning the ghoulishness of a culture of self-sacrifice.
"It drove a massive wedge between Rodrigue and Felix, too. Their responses to your death were so different that they clashed completely. Worse, it was compounded by some well-meaning but poor decisions on Rodrigue's part. He wanted to help the severely traumatized Dimitri, and Felix was furious with him, so he went to Fhirdiad to look after Dimitri...and left Felix in Fraldarius territory, alone, to grieve. So Felix ended up feeling abandoned, separated from the best friend he was as worried about as anyone while also feeling like he was less important to Rodrigue than Dimitri was, still seething with Rodrigue over treating any part of your death as good and then the abandonment, and suddenly crushed under the expectations of being the next in line for being duke...and feeling like everyone was viewing him through your shadow. He got incredibly angry and defensive - way more likely to snap at someone than cry. He's been mellowing out over the years, but a lot of times he's still so sharp you can cut yourself on him. Or he'll cut you for his own part, sometimes even when he doesn't mean to. He's getting better at reining it in, though."
He glances sidelong at Glenn. "As for how he fell out with Dimitri for awhile...when they were fifteen, Dimitri and Felix were sent into Sreng for their first real battle. But Dimitri's trauma from the Tragedy...it ran deep. Deeper than anyone probably knew until they put him on a battlefield again for the first time since then. He lost control of himself...pretty completely. I haven't talked to him much about his time in Sreng, so I can't say it for sure, but I know he's hallucinated since then, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was barely aware of what was real or not. I think Sreng was the first time Felix got to see Dimitri again after the Tragedy, and...well, what Felix saw was an unhinged man, ruthlessly cutting people down in a fury. He was horrified and disgusted, and when Dimitri was off the battlefield again and regained control of himself...well, Felix didn't trust it. He thought the blood-soaked beast from Sreng was the real Dimitri, and that Dimitri was just putting on some kind of veneer. It was a lot more complex than that, but Felix doesn't necessarily think things through...especially when he's angry. Dimitri's violent side is all trauma, his mind dragging him back to the horrors of that day he watched his friends and family be slaughtered around him, and the rage he felt at their killers. The real Dimitri is the person he is when he's not terrified and enraged. And he's gotten that much more under control - in my time, he's pretty much conquered it. The Dimitri here is from...a little earlier than that, but even he's made incredible progress. And Felix, after years of brooding and refusing to believe that Dimitri isn't secretly a monster, has come around to seeing that, and made up with him."
He cocks an eyebrow at Glenn. "I trust that's all the honesty you could possibly want. It's also a lot of talking from me, which usually Felix doesn't have the patience for, but if everyone else has kept you waiting on answers, I figure I should get straight to them."