I don't have this issue with Thace, no. But Thace knows where my bodies are buried. (In a metaphorical sense, I mean, obviously, since any bodies I'd have would be back home and we're from different worlds.) He doesn't have any illusions about the kind of person I am and hasn't since... well, since I went to him for advice when everything started going wrong with Jack and then blew up at him when I thought Thace was treating me like a child or a naif over it all. But obviously I can't go around telling *everyone* these things. The only reason I could *then* was because Thace was already one of my closest friends, he knew a few things already that he hadn't condemned me for, and I was fully prepared to lose him over him knowing everything I'd done at that point. And then, after I came back, I told him the rest of it.
And Shinobu, who is the only other person I trust as much as Thace now, knows exactly who and what I *am* back home. I've explained my position to Thace and I've hinted at it to a few people--I told the less controversial part of it to Carly and gave abbreviated explanations to Hythldaeus and Emet-Selch--but most people? They don't know. Or they know something of *what* I am, like Armin does, but not the position I serve.
Back home? Everyone in my community of survivors knows. They know *what* I am, because none of us are human anymore. And they know what I *do*, because it's an open secret that I do it. And yes, some of them fear me for it, as well they should, but that's the price of serving and protecting my community in that fashion. I don't regret it. I don't regret anything I've done for their safety.
And I'm talking circles around what that *is*, what I *am* and what I *do*, aren't I? Well, that's the whole point. Not being human anymore is the *easiest* part of it to talk about and it's taken me this long to even *mention* it to you. As for the rest?
[And Steven stares at the screen for a long moment before he finally types,]
I'm my monarch's assassin and executioner. I have been for the last three years. It's not something you can just bring *up* with people. Hell, I'm taking a gamble telling you *now*.
[And then he presses send before he can talk himself out of it.]
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holy shit, i didn't know he'd say this much until he did
Date: 2021-04-06 09:47 am (UTC)And Shinobu, who is the only other person I trust as much as Thace now, knows exactly who and what I *am* back home. I've explained my position to Thace and I've hinted at it to a few people--I told the less controversial part of it to Carly and gave abbreviated explanations to Hythldaeus and Emet-Selch--but most people? They don't know. Or they know something of *what* I am, like Armin does, but not the position I serve.
Back home? Everyone in my community of survivors knows. They know *what* I am, because none of us are human anymore. And they know what I *do*, because it's an open secret that I do it. And yes, some of them fear me for it, as well they should, but that's the price of serving and protecting my community in that fashion. I don't regret it. I don't regret anything I've done for their safety.
And I'm talking circles around what that *is*, what I *am* and what I *do*, aren't I? Well, that's the whole point. Not being human anymore is the *easiest* part of it to talk about and it's taken me this long to even *mention* it to you. As for the rest?
[And Steven stares at the screen for a long moment before he finally types,]
I'm my monarch's assassin and executioner. I have been for the last three years. It's not something you can just bring *up* with people. Hell, I'm taking a gamble telling you *now*.
[And then he presses send before he can talk himself out of it.]