Claude listens, and - it's dark. It's heavy. Some of the things Felix says are fears he already has, for all his hopeful talk, and some of it is new. (He really wishes he'd stop finding out painful details about how much Sylvain is hurting through Felix shooting down anything close to optimism or reassurance, for instance.) But if Felix thinks Claude's response is too logical...then Claude thinks Felix's is too bleak.
Felix sounds too much like the defeatist voice in his own head that he long ago realized wasn't worth listening to, unless he was just going to accept laying down and dying the way his own people wished he would. Claude accepted years ago that voice never has anything helpful to say, and hearing its words in Felix's voice don't make it suddenly more compelling. It just makes him ache for Felix, knowing his lover is currently low enough to listen to it.
"Don't you think that's exactly the time when you would say something to Sylvain, though?" he points out gently. "When you realize you're about to be dragged away from him by post-war business for who knows how long, and he's going back to a place that makes him miserable? That seems like a do-or-die moment, sunshine. A prospect you wouldn't be able to accept. You'd do something before you let that happen, Felix. In fact, I think you'd do almost anything before you let it happen. I'm pretty sure you'd explode if you didn't. Like I said - the person I've come to love here is the same Felix from back home. And I can't even begin to see any Felix I've ever known standing back and letting that happen."
He leans back a little in his chair. "And that's another thing - you act as though you're the person Sylvain's fate lives or dies on. Does no one else who cares about him have any responsibility to him? Can no one else do anything for him? You're not the only one who loves him, Felix, and you're not the only one who's trying to keep his head above water. This isn't something you have to do alone, or are doing alone. We're here, too."
He rests his hands on the edge of the desk. "As for what Sylvain said to me...he said I was right. And he smiled, in a way that reached his eyes. There's still plenty for us all to be worried about, him most of all, but...I don't think he's as close to drowning as you think. And you're not the only one who's promised him a life worth living for."
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Felix sounds too much like the defeatist voice in his own head that he long ago realized wasn't worth listening to, unless he was just going to accept laying down and dying the way his own people wished he would. Claude accepted years ago that voice never has anything helpful to say, and hearing its words in Felix's voice don't make it suddenly more compelling. It just makes him ache for Felix, knowing his lover is currently low enough to listen to it.
"Don't you think that's exactly the time when you would say something to Sylvain, though?" he points out gently. "When you realize you're about to be dragged away from him by post-war business for who knows how long, and he's going back to a place that makes him miserable? That seems like a do-or-die moment, sunshine. A prospect you wouldn't be able to accept. You'd do something before you let that happen, Felix. In fact, I think you'd do almost anything before you let it happen. I'm pretty sure you'd explode if you didn't. Like I said - the person I've come to love here is the same Felix from back home. And I can't even begin to see any Felix I've ever known standing back and letting that happen."
He leans back a little in his chair. "And that's another thing - you act as though you're the person Sylvain's fate lives or dies on. Does no one else who cares about him have any responsibility to him? Can no one else do anything for him? You're not the only one who loves him, Felix, and you're not the only one who's trying to keep his head above water. This isn't something you have to do alone, or are doing alone. We're here, too."
He rests his hands on the edge of the desk. "As for what Sylvain said to me...he said I was right. And he smiled, in a way that reached his eyes. There's still plenty for us all to be worried about, him most of all, but...I don't think he's as close to drowning as you think. And you're not the only one who's promised him a life worth living for."