And I do understand how I let all that other stuff slide, because I was at a fairly low point in my life and found it hard to care about anyone past a very small circle of people and the things I found out about he mostly did to people in his own world and time. I'm just-- irritated with myself *anyway*.
(I do hope I'm not boring you by talking about my issues about him, by the way. You're just-- well, easier to talk to about this sometimes, because you got here about when the Jack *I* knew disappeared and so you don't have any preconceptions about him, which nearly everyone else does.)
But I understand, I think. He broke for a while due to what he endured and he's managed to reconstruct his old self from the pieces, as much as he possibly could. I've been through that as well. Nothing so horrible as what you're describing, but I had my own five years of hell once and I had to do a lot of reconstructing of myself too.
But honestly, it's not up to me to determine whether or not Dimitri's madness born of trauma was an excuse or not. It's not up to you either. It's up to Dimitri and Dimitri alone to make that decision. I'm happy to believe that Dimitri's a changed man now. I *like* Dimitri, Claude. I really do. We talked when he first visited Fight Club and I was impressed by what a sweet, thoughtful guy he is. I'd like to talk with him again.
But I still hold myself culpable for what I did during my own five years of hell and I understand why Dimitri might continue to hold himself culpable too.
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Date: 2021-02-24 11:00 am (UTC)And I do understand how I let all that other stuff slide, because I was at a fairly low point in my life and found it hard to care about anyone past a very small circle of people and the things I found out about he mostly did to people in his own world and time. I'm just-- irritated with myself *anyway*.
(I do hope I'm not boring you by talking about my issues about him, by the way. You're just-- well, easier to talk to about this sometimes, because you got here about when the Jack *I* knew disappeared and so you don't have any preconceptions about him, which nearly everyone else does.)
But I understand, I think. He broke for a while due to what he endured and he's managed to reconstruct his old self from the pieces, as much as he possibly could. I've been through that as well. Nothing so horrible as what you're describing, but I had my own five years of hell once and I had to do a lot of reconstructing of myself too.
But honestly, it's not up to me to determine whether or not Dimitri's madness born of trauma was an excuse or not. It's not up to you either. It's up to Dimitri and Dimitri alone to make that decision. I'm happy to believe that Dimitri's a changed man now. I *like* Dimitri, Claude. I really do. We talked when he first visited Fight Club and I was impressed by what a sweet, thoughtful guy he is. I'd like to talk with him again.
But I still hold myself culpable for what I did during my own five years of hell and I understand why Dimitri might continue to hold himself culpable too.