Hah! You should be more specific next time...although I agree your logic is good. Besides, who wants frustration souring intimacy with someone you love?
And yes, I get it, it was a bad idea! I was just musing out loud, though, and I concluded on my own it was a bad plan. It's just frustrating, like I said. I don't think Dimitri ever would or perhaps even could do those things, except when his state of mind was so altered that he was barely himself or even fully understood what he was doing. Would a Dimitri not goaded by hallucinations of past trauma ever have done the things he did? Not in a million years. That's why saying I need to accept that he could or would do those things seems somehow...wrong, to me. Aside from sharing the same body, the Dimitri who committed atrocities was basically an entirely separate, entirely different person at the reins. Saying he and Dimitri are capable of the same things doesn't feel true at all - not from what I know of them. I know it sounds like I just don't want to accept Dimitri is capable of bad things, but I swear it's deeper than some mere discomfort or an unwillingness to accept hard truths on my part. And that's why it's hard for me to see Dimitri feel the need to take responsibility for things I know he'd never have done if it had truly been his hands on the reins when they happened.
But it's like you say - even if it wouldn't mess up his sense of reality and self, it's better that he wants to make up for those things than if he tried to deny any responsibility for them. Better to take too much accountability rather than too little. But I do want to be clear - I was never, EVER suggesting that those terrible things would have been okay, no matter who is considered as having done them. I'd never have excused those actions, or considered having him excuse them, either. The idea of re-categorizing atrocities as okay was never on the table at all, and I think you might be applying your ex to a scenario where nothing like him was being talked about.
I have to say, Dirk and I are currently talking, and it is interesting. It's certainly going better than my last encounters with him. I'm not sure if the way he talks is more accessible than Emet's speech or less, though. He's got a habit of throwing in terms and phrases I don't seem to have any context for. I can't tell if it's unconscious, a deliberate challenge to see if I can work things out from context to keep up, or if he doesn't even give the illusion of a damn if people can understand him.
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And yes, I get it, it was a bad idea! I was just musing out loud, though, and I concluded on my own it was
a bad plan. It's just frustrating, like I said. I don't think Dimitri ever would or perhaps even could do those things, except when his state of mind was so altered that he was barely himself or even fully understood what he was doing. Would a Dimitri not goaded by hallucinations of past trauma ever have done the things he did? Not in a million years. That's why saying I need to accept that he could or would do those things seems somehow...wrong, to me. Aside from sharing the same body, the Dimitri who committed atrocities was basically an entirely separate, entirely different person at the reins. Saying he and Dimitri are capable of the same things doesn't feel true at all - not from what I know of them. I know it sounds like I just don't want to accept Dimitri is capable of bad things, but I swear it's deeper than some mere discomfort or an unwillingness to accept hard truths on my part. And that's why it's hard for me to see Dimitri feel the need to take responsibility for things I know he'd never have done if it had truly been his hands on the reins when they happened.
But it's like you say - even if it wouldn't mess up his sense of reality and self, it's better that he wants to make up for those things than if he tried to deny any responsibility for them. Better to take too much accountability rather than too little. But I do want to be clear - I was never, EVER suggesting that those terrible things would have been okay, no matter who is considered as having done them. I'd never have excused those actions, or considered having him excuse them, either. The idea of re-categorizing atrocities as okay was never on the table at all, and I think you might be applying your ex to a scenario where nothing like him was being talked about.
I have to say, Dirk and I are currently talking, and it is interesting. It's certainly going better than my last encounters with him. I'm not sure if the way he talks is more accessible than Emet's speech or less, though. He's got a habit of throwing in terms and phrases I don't seem to have any context for. I can't tell if it's unconscious, a deliberate challenge to see if I can work things out from context to keep up, or if he doesn't even give the illusion of a damn if people can understand him.