vrdantwind: (Grey skies and rainclouds)
Claude von Riegan ([personal profile] vrdantwind) wrote 2021-02-22 07:36 am (UTC)

Claude blinks at him for a moment. "What? No, that's - that's not what I meant." He runs a hand through his hair again. "I didn't mean I do a better job than you guys at talking to each other, or helping each other or anything. I meant that no one else can do what I do as well as I do. And a lot of what I do is help you guys. That's what I want to do.

"Even back when I wasn't all that close with Sylvain yet, and not close to you at all...when I realized you and Sylvain were hurting, that things had gone wrong for you guys, all I wanted to do was fix that. So I did everything I could to help. That hasn't really changed since. It's only gotten more important to me the more I've come to care about all of you. And at least until today, I thought I was pretty good at it. That I knew how to make you guys feel better when you were upset, get you to talk to me about things that were bothering you, help cheer you up...this is the first time I really haven't been able to make a dent."

He shakes his head. "I was never - factoring in how you guys do or don't help each other. I don't affect that. It's like...we're all support beams holding each other up. I wasn't saying I'm the only one any of you have; we all have more than one. I was saying if I'm kicked out from under you guys because I let myself fall apart, there's nobody else who could step in to hold things up half as well. And of all the times to leave you guys short a support, it shouldn't be when there's an extra heavy load. And that's exactly what me breaking down would mean. You'd have each other, but you'd still be down someone who was helping hold you up. And...well, there's no particularly tactful way to say this, but I feel like usually I'm in a better place mentally than any of you. Even if I had any good excuse to be the weak link right now, if I can't hold up, then how can you guys?"

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