vrdantwind | IC Inbox

[For the longest moment she remains quiet, one hand quietly petting Demon while she contemplates her words. How does she even explain all this? There's an amount of "too much" information that she's not sure would even make sense without context. Or if it'd make any sense here. But the other part of her wants to at least say something.

But at the same time she's pretty much being called as paranoid and that just doesn't sit right with her, either. Obnoxious.]

Humans are shitty, you know. Paranoid ain't the word for it, but being guarded from getting blindsided or being used. Because if you don't trust people outside of who you know, then they can't take advantage of you.

[Fuck it, might as well.]

Fuck religion, seriously. Maybe I'm biased when a supposed fucking priest basically destroyed everything around me, including myself. Not that the asshole was a real priest at the end of the day, given he was doing all this shit for some vampire bastard that had a beef with my family.

I mean, you're right in that there's a big difference between paranoia and precaution. That's why I was specifically talking about extremes - when you're jumping at shadows anticipating an attack not because you've got any solid proof there's going to be one, but just because you've fallen into a mindset where that's all you expect. That is a form of blindness, isn't it? Seeing not what's there, but what you expect to be there?

Anyway, believe me, I know exactly how unpleasant people can be, and I've had plenty of reasons to be paranoid in my own life. I've had to deal with assassins coming after me in my time. I'm not saying you should trust Riegfried and Soy; I'm just saying that it might be a leap too far to assume that their hosting this contest is somehow sinister. If there's any evidence of that, I haven't heard it. But there's plenty of evidence these guys love throwing big parties and glamorous events just for the fun and pageantry of it. So...isn't it likely enough it's no more or less than what it looks like?

[Claude listens to her screed against religion with a slightly cocked head.] Sounds like your problems go way beyond anything we had to deal with back home...at least, that I was able to find evidence of. The church I'm thinking of back home - it's a pretty powerful entity. It presents itself as a force for good, and in some ways it seems to be, but...well, let's say it engages in a lot of information control. Enough for me to not be too sure whether the church is as good as it claims to be, or if they're just really good at controlling the narrative. There's a lot of mysteries there I would have loved to dig into...but, uh, a lot of more pressing matters sidetracked me before I could get to the bottom of any of it.

So that didn't go... great. Not that Grant expected it to go well. He said what he had to, and that was probably about the best he could expect.

He does wish he could've left less awkwardly, or gotten home before the tears started for real, or... y'know, anything to make this feel less like a teenage crush confession gone horribly wrong. But what's done is done, and now all he can do once he's home is go right to Claude's room, knock on the door, and wait, doing his best to hold back any sniffling sounds in case anyone else is around the house.

Well, for what it's worth, at least Claude doesn't hear the sniffling sounds prior to opening his door. His smile quickly turns into a look of concern when he sees who it is, and more importantly, what kind of state they're in.

"Grant? What's wrong?" And he opens his arms, inviting Grant into them immediately, before even receiving an answer.

There's no point to trying to play it cool when he's already standing in his boyfriend's doorway, visibly teary and struggling to keep those tears as quiet as possible. So he hardly hesitates before stepping in to hug Claude, ducking his head slightly for... some measure of the feeling of security he'd get from actually sticking his face in Claude's hair (or shoulder, if he could reach), without actually getting tears and snot all over him.

"So, we, uh-- might n-need to adjust how we approach handling, uh, Felix's... concerns with-- with things happening in the polycule." With that out, he takes a deep breath, shakier than he'd like. "Also I, um, told him how I felt. And then left."

He can't help a wobbly, anxious laugh. "...And the last thing I said was to-- to enjoy his chicken. So that's... that's great."

"Oh, Grant." And Claude can't help a soft, sympathetic laugh, squeezing him. Under other circumstances, he'd probably laugh a lot harder at 'I have feelings for you, enjoy your chicken', but...well, Grant's obviously fragile right now. "Can I say 'that sounds like you' without it sounding like an insult? But honestly, that's just...so charmingly awkward. You can relax about the awkward part, though; that won't bother Felix any."

He rubs Grant's back. "You must be a nervous wreck after that, huh? C'mon in, we can curl up on the bed and talk. There's probably no point in picking apart your confession, and until you get an answer from Felix it's probably best you don't dwell on that anyway or you'll just make yourself an anxious mess, but...it sounds like we've conveniently got something distracting to discuss, huh? I don't know what you mean about Felix's concerns about the polycule, but it sounds important."

Grant snorts quietly. "You can, but probably only because it's you. I... I just hope you're right about it not bothering Felix."

...Speaking of which. He nods, straightening up and trying to get his sniffling under control, and will readily follow Claude to go lie down. "Um... remember when we were talking about Zuke, and potentially starting relationships with him, and Felix was... not sure about it?"

"As easily bothered as Felix can be sometimes, I think I can safely say that being told to enjoy his food is not even gonna ping his pokéradar." Claude chuckles. "And he'll be way too preoccupied with the actually important stuff you said to pay any attention to something harmlessly, meaninglessly awkward."

Claude settles himself on the bed, reaching out an arm to invite Grant to stretch out next to (or, more likely, around) him. "And yeah, I remember that. Is it still bothering him? I thought that now that Sylvain's back, he'd be feeling a lot less upset and a lot more secure..."

Grant makes a quiet, pained noise in the back of his throat. He is not convinced, Claude. ...And even if Felix doesn't pay it any mind, Grant will remember that forever.

He does, indeed, curl around Claude, giving an awkward sort of half-shrug. "Mm. I think he's doing better, but... he feels like, uh, what we're doing now isn't what we'd initially agreed on, and..." He trails off for a moment before adding, "I think... assuming we know what's bothering him, and trying to reassure him based on that, isn't... it's creating some problems. He just... ended up feeling like he hadn't really been heard, but was expected to change his mind."

Claude frowns a little. "Of course it's not what we initially agreed on. The situation's changed since. But...I mean, we consulted with him every step of the way, didn't we? He hasn't hard rejected any of the developments since, so it's not like he hasn't agreed to the situation as it is now. In fact, a few times he's been the one encouraging Dimitri to add new people to the arrangement." He runs a hand through his hair. "So...is he regretting some of the things he agreed to? Are you saying he feels like we pressured him into agreeing to things he wasn't actually okay with?"

He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself before trying to explain. "I think he has the impression that, uh... keeping him up to date is just a formality, essentially, and that... his eventual agreement was seen as a foregone conclusion. It seems like he doesn't feel like he truly has a say in what goes on."

Claude pauses, thinking. "This is about Zuke, isn't it?" he says after a moment. "About our giving him time to adjust to the idea. He thought that was us telling him he had to find a way to become okay with it in that timeframe, not that we thought he needed to regain some emotional stability after Sylvain's disappearance. I did think that was a large part - maybe the whole part - of why he was resisting the idea, and that he'd be less opposed to it when his emotional wounds weren't so fresh and he could stand the thought of things changing again, but that's not the same as me - or any of us - not caring if he had serious objections, or trying to enforce him changing his mind."

Grant nods against Claude's shoulder, the movement slowed by exhaustion. "Mm-hm. I guess there was more to it than that. But we didn't ask."

Claude sighs. "No, we didn't. But Felix doesn't make himself easy to ask things like that. Half the time he doesn't know for himself how he's feeling exactly, or how to explain it, and we have to guess or work it out for ourselves anyway. And pretty much all the time, he doesn't want to talk about it at all. And he was pricklier than ever after Sylvain left. I guess I can't really argue we did the right thing when it backfired, obviously...but we definitely did the thing that made the most sense. The thing we thought would upset Felix the least. Trying to figure out how he felt for ourselves, without having to hassle him for more information in talks he didn't want to have, and trying to accommodate for that."

He combs fingers through Grant's hair. "Do you ever sometimes feel like every possible option with Felix is wrong somehow?"

It's not as extravagant as he'd like but they're all working with the bare minimum here. There are only so many options. Lorenz knows better than to have put his hands anywhere near the food, he can't cook to save his life, but the picnic is rather simple anyway. Muffins and salad and mochi... more light snacks as he's rather sure one of the others will be treating him to a proper dinner, especially as he's made a point to tell them he has Plans for the night.

It's the location more than anything that makes it special. Nothing too far away, Lorenz doesn't trust himself to be able to manage too much travel but his sneasler has been eager to help even if she acts horribly standoffish. She likes Claude, despite herself. Not unlike how her owner once felt. There's a rather sizable hill within the valley of the Floaro Gardens area, not too far from the camp. An impeccable place to watch the colors of the sunset paint the surrounding mountains orange and gold, making the stone itself seem to glow and flashing off the many tumblestone deposits in the area.

It's lovely and has a gorgeous unobstructed view of the night sky. It is also, he's found, rather safe. Few of the more aggressive pokemon of the area can make it up the steep hillside but Sneasler has no trouble making the climb and helping her trainer set up a lovely little surprise for his boyfriend's birthday.

Still the venture there is significant enough that he does have to tell Claude ahead of time that it is something he has for his birthday... and that they won't be coming back to the main camp. Because once they arrive it's clear that he's actually taken one of the Ginkgo Guild tents and set it up with a few lanterns and cushions to sit on and... a rather impressive mound of pillows and blankets inside as well. Cushions Lorenz is quick to guide Claude over to, beaming and hopeful and perhaps more than a little nervous.

Really, just being told that Lorenz is taking him outside the town and they'll be spending the night out there is surprise enough. He can't think of an ending to that which isn't rather scandalous, at least from Lorenz's perspective. But finding out that Lorenz has set up a special tent for them out in a pretty little valley...Lorenz really has upped his game, Claude has to admit.

One of the people in his life who used to be among the easiest to read and predict is becoming increasingly less so. On one hand, that does leave Claude a bit at a loss...but honestly, all the changes have been so positive, and he trusts Lorenz so completely, that he can hardly bring himself to feel anxious about it. Instead, it's just exciting.

He lets Lorenz sit him down on the cushions, grinning up at him, even as Claude's Zoroark prowls curiously around the campsite. "You know, if you'd told me back at Garreg Mach that Lorenz Hellman Gloucester would one day go camping by choice, I'd never have believed it." No one in their right minds would consider Lorenz the rugged outdoorsman, roughing-it type.

The main camp the Ginkgo Guild has provided hardly counts as "town" but it still offers far more amenities than this. But there are more people, less privacy, more light and less of a clear view of the stars overhead. Lorenz' sneasler wanders over to nudge Claude's zoroark along. Yes yes exploration and keeping them safe is all well and good but kindly stay out of sight.

Between Claude's commentary and Anouk's obvious fussing Lorenz is blushing scarlet by the time he settles into the little nest of pillows beside his boyfriend. A gentle nudge to Claude's shoulder, not quite looking at him. "Well there aren't exactly any other options in our current circumstances so... I thought a picnic... under the stars..."

He blushes harder, enough so that in the fading light his face seems to positively glow. "It was meant to be romantic..." Though he's sincerely beginning to doubt it had the desired impact.

"Oh, it's incredibly romantic," Claude agrees, looking up at the sky. "So much so I have to deflect from it. I have an allergic reaction to too much earnest sweetness at once, hasn't Dimitri told you?"

He's serious, too. Or as serious as a man can be while cracking jokes in self-defense. It really is almost too genuine, in ways where Claude feels like he has to lighten the mood before he gets sucked in too deep. Lorenz and Dimitri seem to thrive at those depths, but Claude's most at home in the shallows.

At least he's self-aware.

The admission is, at least, enough to ease some of Lorenz' anxieties. If Claude needs to be flippant for his own sake he can't fault him too much. As long as it's not a misstep he's made.

"Well, you'll have to keep me informed if your hm ~allergies~ keep acting up." But there's a playful sort of chuckle in his voice and Lorenz allows himself to lean a little more fully against Claude. One arm slides around behind the other in a loose embrace and for a moment Lorenz simply follows his gaze, admiring the colors of the sky. But neither of them are people built for quiet, not in the company of others and after a moment of appreciation Lorenz speaks again, idly snatching up a berry as he does.

"The skies are so clear here, and the colors so vibrant. It reminds me of Derdriu." Where one could stand on a balcony and look out over the endless waters. That berry gets popped into his mouth and he's quick to snag another, holding it up scandalously close to Claude's lips. Nerves make his hand tremble ever so slightly but it's not half so bold as other plans he has so it is, at least, a starting point.

Claude lets himself lean against Lorenz's shoulder as the other man draws him close, largely content. (The only things marring that contentment - not knowing how they ended up in this place, missing the nice home Dimitri made for all of them, worrying about his pokémon - have nothing whatsoever to do with Lorenz, and this moment right here. And Claude knows how to set his worries aside to be able to enjoy himself.) He sneaks an arm around Lorenz's waist in return, wondering if he might catch on fire...or if he's started to adjust to Claude's returning his affections enough to not have quite so severe a reaction.

Maybe Lorenz has a few allergies of his own, come to think of it.

"It does remind me of home," he agrees with a smile. "Not even just Derdriu, necessarily, but...our world in general. Like you said...the sky's so clear. As nice as the present day in this world is, all those bright lights...they block out a lot of the stars. It's nice to have them so visible again."

Oh - but then Lorenz is holding a berry up to his mouth, and Claude has to decide on the fly how scandalous he should be. In the end, it's not even really much of a choice; there's not a lot of options for how to take the berry in his mouth. It's mostly just between using his teeth to try to avoid contact with Lorenz's fingers, or using his lips and not even making the attempt. He goes for the latter, and throws in a bit of a smoldering look as he does it, gratis.

Claude's lips against his fingertips certainly is scandalous but Lorenz has worked himself up for weeks, planning and preparing and he's determined not to let himself get too flustered or fall apart. At least not for things that, rare though they may be, have happened before. A certain maddening popsicle comes to mind, for example.

Kisses, light little touches to his face, his lips, his hair... though they are sometimes enough to make him dissolve into flustered blushing he doesn't jerk his hand away. He bites his lip, glances away to not have to meet his boyfriend's gaze, and he's blushing bright enough to match the fiery sky. But he doesn't pull away, doesn't scold Claude for it. Odd though it may be he actually looks the tiniest bit pleased with himself.

Whether it's for not freaking out or actually initiating the gesture to begin with is hard to say. But he's working on it!

"Mmm it's not as bad in CherryGrove as it is in some of the bigger cities, like Olivine. Especially if you go down to the beach at night." Is that another reason he spends so much time there?

Oh, that's cute. Lorenz is letting himself be a little daring here, or at least not freaking out about something closer to risqué than they've ever been able to get before, and it delights Claude to see. It's interesting how as much of it is pride in Lorenz as it is delightful intrigue in regards to the implications for himself. Once again...his ambitious boyfriend is pushing at his own boundaries, challenging his repressions and regressive notions, and it always amazes Claude and warms his heart to see in equal measure.

Still, he wouldn't be Claude if he didn't see how far he can push things. So he plucks up a berry of his own, and now he's the one holding one up to Lorenz's lips. "You really like Cherrygrove, huh?" he asks conversationally, as though nothing particularly sensual is happening between them, but his eyes are dancing. "I'd still prefer it if you were closer at hand...though I guess some of that is paranoia, after what happened the last time I let you out of my sight."

"I cannot be at your side at all times, much as I might wish to be, my love. It is merely a few warps between the two." He smiles gently, trying to be reassuring. The worry that Claude carries makes his heart ache as well. They have both been so damaged by the distance his Father forced between them.

The more serious topic of conversation eases some of his nerves, actually. One hand comes up to hold Claude's gently where he has that berry to his lips before he pulls it from his fingers. He doesn't release the other's hand once he has the berry though, chewing slowly to savor both the berry and the light kisses he presses to Claude's fingertips, his palm, his wrist.

"If you wish it I will stop staying there overnight. Make a day trip of it instead so I can come home to you, delbar.

[Mornings aren't being as... comfortable as they once were, but Dimitri still tries. He does his best to make sure that everyone is in eye sight of one another, and that no one's nights are spent alone. Just in case. This morning, while Dedue is in the garden, and Grant is having his morning coffee, Dimitri corners Claude along the patio facing the backyard, expression serious, somber-]

What are Almyran wedding ceremonies like?

[It's been a rough time for all of them. Just when they were starting to, slowly, climb out of the grief that the sudden disappearances of so many of them had caused, Byleth had been added to the list of people who are gone and not coming back. So when Dimitri had walked up to him with that serious expression, Claude had been bracing himself for a tough emotional conversation, or maybe even news of another disappearance - was it Grant? Should Claude not have left his side?

He could not be less prepared for the reality. For a few long seconds, he simply blinks at Dimitri.]

...wait, what? [He's going to need a minute to recalibrate his expectations here, Dimitri. On the plus side, it's one of those rare occasions where Dimitri has completely floored his normally far-sighted boyfriend.] Where did that come from?

IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

immediately after The Felix Incident

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Birthday Boy

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject