vrdantwind | IC Inbox

[Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Claude had the audacity to try to infiltrate the Rockets during the Christmas Heist. That took balls. While Steven doesn't really bear a grudge for anything that happened during it--they were all just trying to do their jobs, after all--he does feel like it would be a good idea for one of them to keep an eye on Claude and perhaps steer him away from trying something like that again.

So sharing something of himself to Claude? It's a way of cultivating that trust in Claude. To make him that much easier to keep an eye on.

And for all that it seems like he's disclosed a lot of intimate details to Claude, there's no real secrets in it. Nothing about what Jack did to his daughter. Nothing about how he snuck into Thace's dream during the weird weekend. Just that he'd met Thace when he was still with Jack, that Jack was a narcissist and that when things had gone bad with Jack, they'd gone bad fast. Steven was okay with people knowing that much.]

Oh, it can be hot. Definitely. But it's a fine line to walk and even when things were *good* with Jack, I was cautious of being on the wrong side of that line.

I'd like to think that Baby Jack could be steered away from the man he was going to become, but I don't think I could do it. I see too much of his future self in him to be able to interact with him consistently and comfortably. But maybe you or one of your friends could.

Edited 2021-01-07 03:28 (UTC)

[...Actually, Grant's mouth tightens slightly at Claude's response. He knows there's no reason for it to be frustrating. Claude means well, he thinks Grant is talking badly about himself and wants to stop him. Of course.

Grant doesn't know how to tell him just how long he's spent drilling those same messages into himself, how to break down the fact that he's not being self-deprecating, not describing himself but what people have heard all his life when they found out about his curse.

Maybe he got too comfortable too fast. Or maybe he just shouldn't have tried to use sarcasm over text.

Either way, it's not the time to get into it.]

Well, I do appreciate it - but, rest assured, I don't actually think of myself as a monster. Anyway, I won't say it again if it bothers you.

Thank you - and I guess I should also say, I don't want to make it sound like I'm going to be projecting some kind of made-up ideal on him, either. Reading back over it, it feels like it was a weird thing to say.

Hey, you're probably one of the most trustworthy people I know. I'm just really glad to know you here, and that you're willing to listen; after all, I wouldn't say that me choosing to listen to you venting before means you actually OWE me anything now. You're just a good guy.

[A fair plan, Steven. Claude is certainly more likely to trust Steven now with similar details about his own life...but, of course, Claude is - fortunately for himself - quite paranoid in his own right. He keeps secrets even from his closest friends who he can unreservedly trust; Steven won't find himself privy to much that's sensitive from Claude, especially only on the weight of personal-but-not-compromising tidbits.

Really, Jaskier enjoyed a faster and more intimate trust with Claude than this...but Jaskier is also someone Claude met before crossing Team Rocket. Before Claude had any enemies here. He's got more reason to be circumspect now.]

Oh yeah, definitely. I'm not sure a narcissist could walk that line at all.

That said, I can sympathize with not being able to interact with younger Jack for personal reasons. Even without hints of what he'll become, frankly, I could see it being painful as his ex and someone who used to know him so well, and yet isn't even remembered by him. I wonder if people who don't know the first thing about him - either about who he is now or who he's going to become - are necessarily the next best option, though...I mean, there's got to be someone who's more familiar with him that wouldn't object to dealing with him, right?

Besides, I'm kind of trying to help a friend walk a better path of his own. That's actually part of the reason I was wondering about younger Jack - I'm curious if catching someone before they make certain decisions, certain mistakes, can change where they end up. What happens to them, and the people around them.

Hey, as long as I know you're not being down on yourself, you can say whatever you want. But, you know, after hearing Dimitri call himself a monster a few dozen times, and the way he uses the word...well, it starts to sound pretty loaded after awhile. I'd definitely be careful using it where he can hear you, too.

You really don't need to project some fairy tale ideal of Dimitri onto him. He's just kind of like that a lot of the time, to the point where you have to pinch yourself to make sure you're not just dreaming him up. But then he throws rats at people's faces and brings you back down to reality himself, so there's always that.

[Claude actually has to blink at the screen for a moment. Trustworthy. No, the word's still there even after he blinks.]

That's a very flattering sentiment, and probably one that would have been voted The Least Likely To Ever Be Applied To Claude von Riegan back at the academy. Me being shady and mysterious and untrustworthy were practically my trademarks. I mean, occasionally musing out loud about mildly poisoning the other houses didn't help... (I never did, for the record! It was psychological warfare!)

Either way, the point is, I never thought anyone would say something like that about me, and I kind of doubt that I deserve it. But you deserve somebody who'll listen to you. I don't know if you need that to be me when you've got Dimitri, who I'm sure hangs off your every word, but...hey, if you still see some value in having me around, I'm happy to provide it. I probably give better advice than Dimitri, in any case.

you know i never would have expected that.
i'll give him credit for one thing, he's stubborn.
figured he would have insisted on that loyalty until the very end.
but still it's... good to know more people aren't dead. i get the feeling there were a lot of bodies by the end of the war.
one less is a blessing, even if it was lorenz.

Oh, yeah, I'll absolutely make sure to avoid that phrasing around Dimitri.

[Part of him wonders if he should make a joke there, ask Claude if he often has to pinch himself to make sure Dimitri is real - but he supposes that could risk sounding sort of accusatory, under the circumstances. After all, Claude's praise for Dimitri may be kind of oddly effusive, but that's no reason to make it sound like he thinks Claude is going to try anything.

...Also, in general, as he reads over the rest of what Claude said, he finds himself... a little bit worried? And not over the fact that he apparently threatened to poison his classmates at some point.]

Well, regardless of what kind of reputation you had at school - and whether it was deserved - you've only given me one reason after another to trust you here; after all, if I'd had any doubt, I wouldn't have told you I was a werewolf. And that isn't going to change just because of my relationship with Dimitri, however that goes; your "value" to me isn't dependent on what you can do for me, or on whether I think anyone else can do the same, or on my relationships to other people at all. I like you, and I like talking to you. I appreciate that you've been willing to listen, and that you've tried to help me, and I want to do the same for you if I ever can. That's really all there is to it.

And you probably do give better advice than Dimitri, anyway. Plus, I don't think he'd enjoy being talked at about the planar system for as long as you.

[It's fine. He's planted his seed and is willing to see how it grows from here.]

There might be. I'm not sure who would be, though. He's burnt a lot of bridges over the years. About the only people from his world that are here are people who I wouldn't feel comfortable asking this of.

And, well, I don't know how well people who knew the older him would work. A lot of our mutual friends are either gone now or, well, I got them in the break-up. I don't know. He seemed to get along with Scorpia in his post--maybe I could coach her through it, even though she didn't really know him before.

It might be that he knew he was on the wrong side, but pressure from his father and some idea of filial duty pushed him into working for the Empire regardless. That'd explain why he was willing to join you guys after losing. I think, if he'd genuinely believed he was doing what was right with all his heart, he would have given his life for it. He didn't lack for courage or grit - just sense.

'Even if it was Lorenz' is going to keep me laughing for weeks. But yeah, I agree with you. I hate that anyone has to die for this miserable war. I don't even want to lose Edelgard or Hubert...although, knowing them, there's no way that anyone could convince them to change course. If Edelgard didn't somehow believe all of this was necessary, she'd never have done all this. I just wish I knew why she thinks that. I'll never believe this path she's on is a good one, or the only one...but I can't believe everything I learned about her and her principles was a lie, either. Somehow, she thinks this is what's best for Fodlan. I just wish she'd shown her work, so I could understand how she and Dimitri and I could have all wanted the same thing, but with her coming up with such a radically different answer than we have.

Ha. Maybe I've been spending too much time around self-serving nobles who will discard people as soon as they become functionally redundant, huh? Still, though, when you're looking for emotional support, I imagine it's natural enough to reach for your significant other before you hit up your friends. But as you say...if you're looking for advice, I may still be your best bet.

And yeah, you've got a point there too. If you ever want to go way too in depth on esoteric subjects, I am definitely the guy for that. You know, Chip said I sounded like an encyclopedia the other day? And I was being restrained! We're unappreciated in our own times, Grant.

Huh. Well, if there's no better people for the job than relative strangers, I guess we're not completely unqualified.

That said, I haven't spoken to the guy at all. I don't know if any of my friends have, either. That said...I'd definitely be the best candidate for that kind of project out of all of us. I'm just not sure I want to commit to trying to rehabilitate a stranger's presemt to reform his future...all the more so because I feel like I'd need to become friends with the guy for that. And making friends with someone on the basis of wanting to change them is getting into sketchy territory. I can be manipulative at times, but that sort of thing is on another level, you know?

No, I do get it.

And it's fine. If any of your crowd becomes friends with Baby Jack on your own, feel free to try to reform him, but don't become friends with him just for his reformation. He'll either learn better here with or without friends--or, well, he won't.

That's fair enough. And hey, honestly, I might be the best choice for intentional reformation, but all my friends are good people by nature. Much better people than I am, that's for sure. If Baby Jack makes friends with any of them, he'll have good influences on his side whether or not that was intentional.

We'll see how things go, anyway. I guess unless his older self shows up again significantly improved, we're not really going to know whether or not we've affected any changes in him anyhow.

Eh, maybe, broadly speaking. But it depends on the person and the issue, doesn't it? Besides which, putting too much pressure on one person to act as support seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

Oh my god. I'm so sorry but that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard. I'm almost impressed you managed that when they're already used to me.

Indeed! It seems Lady Destiny has taken a liking to us and is making sure our roads always find a way to cross.

Oh! I see it now! What a delightful little trick! Let me see if I can pull it off:

I've been doing some reading -research, if you will- since we discussed the idea of experimenting, and I've come across a very useful term they use in this land: "friends with benefits". ;)

After twenty-two years of taking care of his wounds, I can assure you right now: he's learned absolutely NOTHING. [Can you feel the concerned housewife vibes, Claude? He should be swooning over those compliments, but instead his ranting-about-Geralt instincts kick in.] He loathes being sick and feeling weak, and he gets pampered when I bathe him anyway, so I genuinely doubt my nursing is any kind of encouragement. He's just a noble bastard that cares too much about doing the right thing and finishing the job, even if he loses blood in the process. Which already wasn't a good attitude to have at home, you can picture how it's working out now he has a human body.

It looks like your friend with the rats, Dimitri, sent him some booze at some point, so there's that. Maybe it'll turn into friendship--who knows?

And I do understand all about having friends who are naturally better people than you.

[There's something to be said about that little speech - very eloquent, probably quite sincere by Claude's standards, and... not completely wrong, to be honest. The past is in the past and we can't change it, better concentrate on the future is not a bad take to have - in fact it's pretty good. But Jaskier is afraid that agreeing with it may encourage the rest of his stupid logic. He could clarify how much he agrees with and how much he doesn't, but that would need a long ass rant, and Claude is right, he's upset with his own memories of physical punishment and--

And now he's trying to change the subject. Gosh, another thing in common with Geralt. Jaskier feels like screaming, but after thinking a bit about it, he realizes he has no choice but to give in. Claude is still keeping some political distance when it comes to certain subjects, and even if he wasn't, Jaskier knows how much it sucks to be poked over and over about the subject of shitty raising, so it must be ten times worse for Claude. Poking more now would be counterproductive.]

Don't think for a second that I believe you want to change the subject for me and not yourself. But you've helped me with my shopping and stroked my ego just right, so I'll let it pass today.

[He's still doing some shopping, so he sends a new picture: this time of the candy aisle at the market.]

Have you tried this "chocolate" yet? I had some on a pastry and it was like kissing a goddess.

It really is for you, whether you believe it or not. I'm not upset by this subject, but you obviously are. I mean, I guess it's selfishly motivated in that I don't want you to be upset, and that's a personal desire without taking what you might want into account...? But that's kind of circuitous thinking.

Still, if you're accepting the subject change for my sake, I'm grateful.

And I have had chocolate! It's definitely delicious. Personally, though, I enjoy sweets a decent amount, but I'm a bit more moderate about them than some people I know. A friend of mine would have lived on cake if she could've arranged it, but I prefer some variety.

take it from me claude
even when parents suck and have terrible ideals its still really hard to break from them
hells, maybe you know that too, i don't know your business.
but... i do know what it's like to have a terrible dad with a horrible sense of what his children must do.

isn't that how war always works, though?
each opposing side has all of the same information and thinks they're doing the right thing.
just sometimes someone else gets a way different result.
sucks but... this is just the way of history.

I didn't say you should only ever go to your significant other! Just that it makes sense they'd be your first port of call in a storm.

Ugh, I'm still offended! Not because it was all that offensive, mind you. Honestly, I agree that's pretty funny, and one of the mildest insults I've ever had directed at me. I'm just mad that I did so little to deserve it! A million times in my life that it would've made perfect sense to say that about me, and they just bust out with it when I wasn't even off on a tangent about anything! And you're their dad, so it's extra offensive! You'd think they'd have a higher tolerance!

I'm being unfairly maligned, Grant. Teach your kid to at least insult people accurately!

That's fair. But, either way, the point does remain that I'm not gonna stop having reason to confide in you.

Okay, well, here's a question, were you not a tangent by YOUR standards, or by an eleven year old's standards? Because I feel like those may be two very different things.

Oh I am not teaching them that. Improving their combat for self defense is one thing, but that would be a disaster waiting to happen.

Well, I know I'd trek across the whole of the continent to be with you again~ At least, if it were just up to me. But since I'm traveling with a group, that'd be kind of awkward. So I'm glad destiny is watching out for us. ;)

And that seems like a perfect utilization of these! Now, let me ask - does the 'with benefits' of that phrase imply the things I think it implies? Because if so, that does seem like a useful little term, doesn't it?

Twenty-two years?? You two have been together almost as long as I've been alive! What incredible devotion...and you bathe him yet? You know, I thought this when I met him at your gym match, but you two really have all the makings of a lovely couple. You've told me so much about him, and he's obviously so deeply important to you, and yet I don't believe you've ever said a word about being more than friends with him...

For all his rat-throwing tendencies, Dimitri's a great guy. And now that he's recovering from a pretty bad spell, he's definitely not the worst influence Baby Jack could have. Hopefully they get along.

Do you? You don't seem like too bad of a guy yourself...I mean, outside of running a potentially sketchy establishment like a fight club. But that didn't even start out as yours, it sounds like.

My parents had...questionable parenting tactics of their own, let's say. I've had multiple people freak out when I've described some of the things they did with me that I personally don't think are that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, which I think is mostly cultural differences but may also be a little them being extreme...though from my perspective, I couldn't tell you how much of one or the other there is. That said, I don't consider my relationship with them bad, even if it's not effusively close, either, so...I don't think I can say I'm in the same camp as you, or even Lorenz.

Although as far as Lorenz goes, I do have very different political ideas from my father, and I wouldn't mind completely going against his policies on any number of things if I have the chance. No sense of filial duty would convince me to follow my father down a course I didn't believe was a good one. So maybe that's why I can't understand Lorenz too well.

I'm sorry your father's as bad as that, though, Sylvain. You deserve better.

You're not wrong about history. It just feels miserable actually living it out. When you're just reading about it, it's simple - these things already happened, there's no changing them. Maybe this or that event could have been averted if the right thing had happened at the right time, if the right information had been had, but those things didn't happen and people didn't know, so things played out this way or that. But when you're living in the moment...there's this awful, constant feeling that you could fix this, if you could make the right things happen. If you could make the right call at the right moment, or catch someone before they can make a terrible mistake, or convince someone to change their mind.

In the moment, you reach those crisis points, those divergences...and you always think it's possible, you must be able to change things, they're happening right now and you're part of them. But despite your best efforts...you still end up with bad outcomes. And you're left to wonder if you could have avoided them somehow, if you had your chance to change things for the better and you fumbled it. And when people, a century from now, read the historical accounts of our time...will they be kind? Or will our legacies be "if they'd just done this instead, so much could have been averted"?

Well...I say 'our'. But I guess this is something only commanders really have to worry about much. Edelgard, Dimitri, and me. And Teach.

Edited 2021-01-09 04:16 (UTC)

I could've sworn it was reasonable enough for kids! He said all old people are bad with technology, and I just said something about being an old dog still plenty capable of learning new tricks, and that was my reward. I am completely innocent of these accusations, Grant.

Well, I was always a partner in it. But Tyler was the one who ran things on site.

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