vrdantwind | IC Inbox

Hmm. [Claude folds his arms behind his head again, looking up at the sky.] You know, I was reading a book about Almyra once...it talked about how, in Almyra, after every battle, win or lose, there's a big feast. Those who are still living celebrate the people who are gone, and in a sense celebrate for them, too. Apparently in Almyra, there's an emphasis on both living well, and dying well. But it's not because Almyrans have any stuffy customs or ideas of noble sacrifice or anything like that; I'm sure you know that Almyra and Faerghus would have practically nothing in common. I don't think they even believe in an afterlife. There's just a sort of cultural belief that you should live your life to the fullest - and that everyone dies eventually, so that when a person does die, they should try to make it meaningful. Should try to accomplish something on their way out. Helping to win a battle, fighting a worthy foe, protecting something - or someone - important. Because people don't live forever, but their actions can leave a lasting impact on the world.

It's weird, how two cultures so totally different could be kind of similar at the same time. I wonder if you'd hate the Almyran way of looking at things just as much because of how it's similar, or if there's enough different about it that you'd prefer that way of looking at things.

Either way, though...I think in the end, they're both just different cultural ways of dealing with grief. I don't know if there's any objectively right or wrong ways to mourn the loss of someone important to you...but I do know it's possible to hurt someone who's already grieving, whether you mean to or not. Like, if someone is surrounded by people who all seem to be drawing some kind of meaning, finding some silver lining, in something that feels senseless and utterly bleak to them. Not only would somebody like that be in mourning, they'd feel totally isolated...and like the loss they've suffered is being turned into other people's inspirational message.

Why would anyone celebrate losing a battle? That makes no sense. [Felix shakes his head.] That doesn't sound much better. Look, I'm grateful that my brother was able to save Dimitri's life, but the fact that he died doing it was a tragic necessity, not some great and glorious accomplishment. [Did Claude know that was specifically how Glenn died? Felix doesn't know, and doesn't really care at this point.]

There's no situation in which it would be better to die than to live if you could achieve the same thing either way. If you're dead, you can't protect anyone or win anything. Seeking a 'meaningful' death is just another way of glorifying sacrifice.

[It's uncanny, this ability Claude has to hit nails on the head from a mile away. It's like he digs into Felix's mind, pulls out the thoughts, and arranges them with clear words instead of muddled feelings. Felix doesn't much like it, but at least it means that Claude understands...at least a little. Which...isn't so bad.]

[Felix certainly never told Claude, but Claude definitely found out. The Tragedy was a major historical and political event, and it directly affected some of Claude's classmates; of course he sought out details.]

I wouldn't say it was some great and glorious accomplishment, so much as it says a lot about the kind of man your brother was that his dying act was to protect the people he could - especially a kid. That's worth respecting. [Claude shakes his head.] But you're right - obviously it would've been vastly more ideal if he could have accomplished it and survived. The dying wasn't what made his actions admirable. But considering what happened in the Tragedy...that the knights who fought there managed to keep anyone alive at all, never mind themselves, is pretty miraculous. I think it's possible to mourn those deaths and respect what their dying actions managed to accomplish against all odds at the same time.

But sometimes, especially when you're close to someone...nothing could ever make losing them any less awful. No matter how admirable their final moments might have been, or what their actions might have accomplished. I can't say I blame people who're grieving for trying to find meaning in those things, if it makes them feel any better, but...one man's medicine is another man's poison, and obviously that kind of thinking just made the pain worse for you.

Obviously I respect the decision he made. He was doing his job and it was about more than just Dimitri's survival. Without an heir the whole Kingdom would have been in even more shambles than it is, and I'm sure that was the point.

[Felix scowls.] But my father was a stubborn fool who never looked beyond his pride that Glenn died according to some backwards chivalric ideal that turns lives into symbols. The same ideal Ingrid is so dead set on dedicating her life to. It'll be her death as well. The day my brother's armor came home without a body, the first thing my father said was that he 'died like a true knight.' And he never changed his tune. I blame him for that.

hey pretty boy.
got a min?

Edited 2020-12-26 00:40 (UTC)

I mean, I obviously can't speak for your father or Ingrid. But I have to ask...the line between respecting Glenn's determination to protect Dimitri, whether as a kid or the future king or both, and the line between veneration of some chivalric sacrifice...it's a pretty fine one, isn't it? [Claude glances at him.] Are you sure it's the latter they're all wrapped up in, and not the former? Who knows, maybe they think the strength and integrity he had, to do what he did, came from those knightly ideals.

[He looks up at the sky again.] Although I could definitely understand being angry if you think that robs Glenn of the credit he deserves for being a good and honorable man at his core, and that his being a knight didn't have a whole lot to do with it. If you think he would've made the exact same calls and fought and died for what he knew was right, whether he was a knight or just a civilian bystander. Then it might feel like people are crediting the wrong thing - that they're just focusing on the fact that he was a knight and acting as though that's what made him admirable. It implies that to be a knight is to be admirable, as though it's not a person's own qualities that define them.

For someone as handsome as you? Always. What did you need?

charmer. ;)
... except now i just feel like ive set the wrong tone. oops.
just wanted to check on you.
well. you and sturm.
i still feel really guilty over how that battle ended.
are you both okay?

What's ;) mean?

[Congratulations, Sylvain, you get to introduce Claude to emoticons.]

And hey, you've got nothing to be guilty for. I'm the one who messed up there. That was a really unfair fight for me to send Sturm into, just for the sake of my cover.

My thinking was that Rockets apparently tend to use poison and dark type pokémon. Sturm's a poison type, so he'd look like a reasonable thing for one of their members to have. And it seems like everyone helping Santa got the same two pretty obvious pokémon, so I didn't want to break out Obstagoon or Jynx...even though they would've been way better matched to yours in level.

But I let Sturm get hurt for the sake of my plan. A plan I didn't really accomplish a whole lot with, in the end. Those calls were mine to make, and any fault is mine, too. All you did was battle the way any normal trainer would have under the circumstances - and you warned me you weren't going to go easy on us, too. You didn't do a single thing wrong, or even unexpected - and in fact, you battled really well. You kept your team safe, you didn't put them through undue suffering, and you managed to overcome all the hurdles I threw in your path. You should feel proud, not guilty.

As for me and Sturm, we'll be fine. He's a little down that he lost, but I told him he did the best job I could've asked for.

Now who's letting a dead man's legacy overshadow the reality of who he was? [Felix's voice drips acid, suddenly.] You don't 'have to ask,' actually. You just want to have a debate over it.

But you're right, you can't speak for my father or Ingrid, or any of the other pompous nobles I grew up around who wanted me to unquestioningly devote my life to their pernicious notions of blind loyalty and faith. Adherence to a system that venerates inheritance over the people who inherit. So yes, they absolutely believe that to be a knight is to be admirable for its own sake.

And yes, my brother would have done what he knew was right regardless of any hoary legends perpetuated by the Church. He taught me to think for myself and never accept other people's beliefs as my own. He was a knight because he understood what it really meant to be one and made that decision for himself. Not because he was following in anyone's footsteps, or doing a 'noble's duty.' There's a bigger difference than you think.

turn your gear on the side. it'll look like a face winking.
cute right?

anyway, i really respect what you did. it took a lot of on the fly thinking to be able to pull that off. i'm sorry it didn't pan out for much, but it definitely reminded me why i was so wary of you in the beginning.

not that i am anymore.

sturm did really good, though. he almost had jynx in the end -- another hit and she would have fallen. you've raised a really good pokemon already. but still, i hurt sturm -- i looked it up afterward, and that was a vicious move to use on him. especially with her being so much stronger. and i didn't really stop to check on either of you either.

you say all of that, but it has been weighing on my mind pretty heavily. i get the same way about horses in battle, though. i hate when they have to die, even if my enemy is on them. it's not like they had any choice in which army they fought for, right?

[Claude holds up his hands in surrender.] I didn't want a debate about it, really, Felix. Like you said, I don't even know enough to have one! I just figured this is a pretty sensitive topic for you...and I also know that, especially when you're angry, you tend to jump to conclusions. So I just wanted to make sure you'd looked at things from more than one point of view, all right?

But if you have, and you're still certain that the distinction is there and you know on what side of it they fall, I'm not going to contradict you. I can't, really. You know way more about this than me.

I'm just...sorry you have to deal with that. Knighthood isn't really worth anything by itself - its only value is in the ideals behind it. Things like loyalty, and compassion, and protecting the vulnerable. And those ideals can be practiced by anyone, not just knights. So glorifying knighthood itself as though it's synonymous with or somehow the source of those ideals...it's pretty ridiculous.

In a way, it kind of reminds me of Lorenz. He was always so proud of his nobility, talking it up, going on about his duties because of what he'd decided being a noble means and requires...as though there aren't plenty of selfish, cowardly nobles out there who don't exhibit a single quality he always said 'defines' nobility. As though he only did good things himself because he's a noble and that's what he's decided is required of nobles. He was just romanticizing his own station. And what you're describing...it's basically just people romanticizing a job. A job you know can end in some pretty horrific and tragic consequences that aren't at all romantic or glorious. It's just people seeing what they want to see, not what's really there.

[Felix rubs his face with one hand.] Sorry. You're trying to help. I know that. It's...once, when we were at the academy, my father called me home to help deal with some bandits. We saved a village in our territory. Afterward, he said he was doing it as his 'duty to the late king.' As if proclaiming his useless loyalty to a dead man was more important than the innocent lives we saved.

[Felix glances over and lifts an eyebrow, at this description of Lorenz.] I never talked to Lorenz. Now I'm glad I didn't. [He nods.] You're right. That's exactly it. It's abhorrent.

Oh...huh! That's cute! Where'd you learn that? Or did you come up with it yourself? [Yes, Claude, Sylvain invented emoticons.]

I mean, you couldn't really afford to check on us without blowing my cover, could you? And after I'd let Sturm get knocked out for the sake of it...you would've made his pain meaningless if you had. So no need to beat yourself up for that. You did what you could for us - thanks for the potion, by the way.

But yeah, I know what you mean. Horses, wyverns, pegasi...the ones that go mounted into battle are raised and cared for by humans. It feels wrong to turn around and hurt them when we're to some degree responsible for them, and just because some of them might be ridden by our enemies, or taking them out is the right move strategically, doesn't change that feeling. It's miserable. As an archer especially...

Mm. [Claude glances at Felix.] Does that mean you think your father wouldn't have helped them if he didn't have a duty to do so? If he didn't feel answerable to some dead king?

That said...I agree it's ridiculous, and there's no reason or need to look at things like that...but it doesn't make me angry, either. Probably a lot of that is due to not having lost someone I loved in the same circumstances you did, but...there's a little more to it, too. [He laces his hands together behind his back.] I guess it comes down to my own personal philosophy - you know how I am. The results are what's important, not the methods. If someone is doing the right things, helping people and being a good person - I don't know that I really care if it's because of some backwards ideas or not. The people get helped and the good deeds get done, either way. So if someone wants to better themselves to try to live up to some romanticized ideal of a knight...I figure they and the world may still be better off in the end.

They're not better off if they die a meaningless death that could have been avoided if they weren't out looking for it. [Which is what's probably going to happen to Ingrid someday.] If we were back in Fodlan, I'd give you a copy of one of those insidious chivalric tales every good Faerghan child is supposed to aspire to and you could see for yourself. The way all the 'classic' stories end in glorious sacrifice. 'There is no greater fate than dying for one's liege,' just because some long-dead hero did it. Ugh.

[He frowns, looking down at the path at their feet.] As for my father, I can hardly imagine him without all his talk of duty and loyalty. But...I suppose I believe that he would have done it anyway. I just don't see why he always had to dress everything up in the same kind of nonsense that drove Dimitri to obsess over vengeance for the dead.

came up with it all on my lonesome
pretty clever right.

[Shut up, Sylvain.]

it just doesn't feel good.
would either of you mind if i swung by with some of those poke-puffs?
as an apology.

you're telling me
sometimes i feel like i'm made to destroy mounted knights.
a lance positioned just right can do awful damage
so i get how you feel being the one to send a flying creature from the sky.
doesn't sit right.
never will

It's exactly the kind of face you would come up with, isn't it? Although I think I wink more than you. ;)

And you're always welcome to come by, especially if you bring treats. I think it'll help us all feel better, honestly.

We really are similar, aren't we? It feels like we even think about the same sorts of things, and have the same kinds of feelings about them.

maybe you were my inspiration? :P (this one is my fav)

deal, then. any preferences for you and yours? i've seen all kinds of stuff around town. they put bacon on pastries sometimes even.

also you left out the fact that we're both heartbreakingly beautiful.

[Sorry, Claude, serious talk is over.]

So about that favor... you're friends with the guy who was throwing those rats around during that whole riot when Team Rocket went after the Christmas Market, right? He made the local news.

Oh, boy, I bet he did.

How did you know I'm friends with him, though? I doubt I managed to become famous in all of that. [Especially since he spent half that time in disguise, although obviously he's not going to mention that.]

Remember how he did a video post where he was taking off his armor in a cave?

[You did publicly reply to it. And depending on when Dimitri turned the camera off, were possibly caught on camera in the same place.]

Oh, right. Fair enough, I guess.

Anyway, what about him? Only his rats don't do autographs, I asked.

Have you heard about Fight Club?

Edited (icon) 2020-12-26 17:43 (UTC)

No. Care to elaborate?

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Watch me bullshit Almyran worldbuilding!

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Claude's going to see other people use emotes and find out Sylvain's full of shit

as it should be, lmf

12/26

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